The end is near, trying to figure out entitlements.

Miss_Ratty

Everyone reading the headline is probably making a judgement, but here is where I am. About to divorce, after numerous threatened splits, so am now at my limits of looking up stuff that's really complicated and looking for real life experience really. 

Married over ten years, have children, and due to divorce. 

It's a minefield at the moment with the emotions, but I'm trying to think of the practical side of things. 

My main aim is that our children are looked after. My husband earns about twice what I do (both full time), and we live comfortably at the moment. If we do divorce, I cannot afford to have a place on my own with my kids, with a mortgage (rents are far higher than mortgage repayments). Our house has gone up in value significantly since we bought it, but we always said from the outset this would be our kids' home, as we both moved around so much as children ourselves. 

I have no idea what the childcare arrangements will be after divorce, there's been no conversation about that, but I'm thinking it will possibly be split equally. He's an amazing dad, but just a pants husband. He hasn't said what he wants, just "I'll live nearby for whatever". 

I'm feeling very insecure financially, as I would love for us to stay here, but also it doesn't make much sense if we have split, as we won't need so much space. 

He's not said anything about finances (he is quite controlling of that as I was bankrupt before). 

To give you an idea of how things have been for over ten years, if I buy a magazine, it comes out of my account, but he can buy whatever on the joint account. 

This is why I'm stressing about finances. I just want to know our children will have security and me not be stressing about money, when he earns so much more than me. I've done the figures to see if I can afford the house on my own and I'm £300 a month short.

I'm not really sure what to do. Looking for experiences I guess. Xx

MovingForwards

How much is the property worth and how much is outstanding on the mortgage. Take off £10k for estate agent / legal fees and split the remainder in half.

Would that half be enough to provide a suitable deposit for a smaller property and have you checked how much you could borrow.

You may have to think about moving slightly further away.

Alternatively, your (ex) husband may be happy / agree / be ordered to keep paying a contribution towards the current mortgage, enabling you to stay in the property and defer selling until the youngest has finished education / reached 18 etc.

Perhaps your (ex) husband has a good sized pension he would wish to retain, in swap for no equity from the property, providing a greater deposit for your next home.

Maybe your (ex) husband has good savings, can pay a lump-sum off the mortgage to bring it down to what you can afford, again you relinquish something (part of his pension) in return.

Without knowing more, it's hard to make any suggestions and it's worth an hour with a solicitor to talk through options.

74jax

Miss_Ratty said:

Everyone reading the headline is probably making a judgement, but here is where I am. About to divorce, after numerous threatened splits, so am now at my limits of looking up stuff that's really complicated and looking for real life experience really. 

Married over ten years, have children, and due to divorce. 

It's a minefield at the moment with the emotions, but I'm trying to think of the practical side of things. 

My main aim is that our children are looked after. My husband earns about twice what I do (both full time), and we live comfortably at the moment. If we do divorce, I cannot afford to have a place on my own with my kids, with a mortgage (rents are far higher than mortgage repayments). Our house has gone up in value significantly since we bought it, but we always said from the outset this would be our kids' home, as we both moved around so much as children ourselves. 

I have no idea what the childcare arrangements will be after divorce, there's been no conversation about that, but I'm thinking it will possibly be split equally. He's an amazing dad, but just a pants husband. He hasn't said what he wants, just "I'll live nearby for whatever". 

I'm feeling very insecure financially, as I would love for us to stay here, but also it doesn't make much sense if we have split, as we won't need so much space. 

He's not said anything about finances (he is quite controlling of that as I was bankrupt before). 

To give you an idea of how things have been for over ten years, if I buy a magazine, it comes out of my account, but he can buy whatever on the joint account. 

This is why I'm stressing about finances. I just want to know our children will have security and me not be stressing about money, when he earns so much more than me. I've done the figures to see if I can afford the house on my own and I'm £300 a month short.

I'm not really sure what to do. Looking for experiences I guess. Xx

When you say the part in bold, do you mean with your salary and maintenance for the children, or just your salary?

If you genuinely can't afford it with both, then you either move to somewhere you can, or the children live with their father as you say he's a great dad.

I wouldn't have him help you financially (other than maintenance), as you may become dependent on that, and when he meets someone else it could stop.

I guess you being bankrupt before, had a big impact on how he is with money and that's understandable, you just need to ignore that now and plan ahead so it doesn't happen again - if you can't afford it you don't have it.

It's hard, but in 3 years from now you will be in a much better place, you just need to take the first step. 

Miss_Ratty

When I say the part in bold, I mean with just my salary. I calculated everything and I'd be about £150 a month over what I could pay, with no room for manoeuvre. At the moment he's on about £20k more than me per year, and I know he's been stashing money away, which I don't have access to. Only until a few years ago I had been paying 50/50 for everything, and we went to see a financial advisor who thought this was unfair, especially as childcare vouchers come out of my salary and not his, so now we put everything bar £200 a month into the joint account, but I know he's retaining more. 

74jax

Miss_Ratty said:

When I say the part in bold, I mean with just my salary. I calculated everything and I'd be about £150 a month over what I could pay, with no room for manoeuvre. At the moment he's on about £20k more than me per year, and I know he's been stashing money away, which I don't have access to. Only until a few years ago I had been paying 50/50 for everything, and we went to see a financial advisor who thought this was unfair, especially as childcare vouchers come out of my salary and not his, so now we put everything bar £200 a month into the joint account, but I know he's retaining more. 

Have a look at what benefits you will be entitled to on your salary only, you can use a few calculators to do this, Turn2Us or Entitledto are popular ones.
Then look at how much maintenance he will be giving you (if you are the main carer). 

Once you have these you will have an idea of income to work out finances going forward.

Try not to get hung up on who paid what when together, 50/50 was what you did, you can't change it. But you can change your future. 

Everyone will have an opinion, including your financial advisor clearly. You just need to know it's done now, you are divorcing, you will get through this.

Who has what and the %split is for lawyers to thrash out. What you can do is work out your income, and go with that as that will be a relative 'known'. You can - to a degree - control that. 

Divorce can be messy, people will slate you, slate your husband, have opinions. You need to know what happened and the way things were split is over now, you have your future in your hands and he has his. Try not to be angry over what he did with savings, and he should try not be angry with you being bankrupt. 

You have made the decision, it's now just trying to see it through as positively as possible. 

Miss_Ratty

Thanks so much. X

gizmo111

Are you calculating this on the current mortgage monthly payments, because if you remortgage you can extend the term to bring the payments down, also as others have said you need to include any benefits and maintenance.
I would suggest you speak to a solicitor and also a mortgage broker - or ask on the mortgages board on MSE.

TBagpuss

OK, if you divorce, then the aim is to achieve a financial split that's fair to you both, taking into account all the circumstances:

A few things to bear in mind.

• All of the assets, including any savings either of you have in your joint names, any pensions etc, are 'matrimonial assets' which need to be disclosed and which can be split. So if he has more savings than you, they are part of the 'pot' to be divided.

• 'Fair' and 'Equal' are not the same. If he earns more than you, then it may be fair for you to have a bigger share of the equity, because you will have a lower mortgage capacity and therefore higher needs (i.e. you would need a bigger deposit in order for you each to be rehoused in similar properties) 

• Unless there is an exactly equal split of child care, child support will be payable. If the children live mainly with you, even if they spend a lot of time with him, then he will have to pay child support. This will be taken into account by some lenders to consider your mortgage capacity. 

• Once you separate, you may be entitled to claim Universal Credit to top up your earned income. Check out www.entitled.co.uk to see what you might be entitled to claim, and also what difference  small changes such as a slight increase in salary or working hours would make. 

• What pensions do you each have? These are matrimonial assets as well. IF he has a larger pension, then you would likely be entitled to share of this. You could take this as pension, or in some cases, you can agree that you will offset it, with you having more money from the house in exchange for his keeping the pension. If you have a shared of the pension, then you may be able to draw a lump sum when you reach 55, which might be relevant when looking at what mortgage you can afford and how you will repay it.

• The court can order the house to be sold, or to  allow one of you to remain there and it be sold at a set point in the future, such as when the children turn 18. 

It would be sensible for you to look into what you might be able to borrow as a mortgage in your own right. For the purposes of speaking to a mortgage advisor assume that the house will be sold, the current mortgage cleared and that you will have a deposit equal to 50% of the current equity. That should allow you to get an idea of how much you could borrow on your own. Bear in mind that even if you could not afford the current outgoings on the mortgage, you might be able to borrow a simialr amount if you take out a mortgage over a longer period than is left on your current mortgage, or if you are able to find a better mortgage deal. 

 Look around at Rightmove and zoopla to see what houses in your area cost - e.g. if you have 2 kids, look at the prices for 3 bed properties, so you have a feel for who much you might need if you had to move out of the house, and what the difference is between the amount you can borrow, and the amount you need (and how that number compares with what you would have if you had 50% of the current equity)

Consider whether there are other options such as shared ownership houses. 

While it's natural to want the children to stay put if possible, you can still give them stability if you move locally so they can continue in the same school and with the same friends, even if you wind up in a smaller property or slightly different local area.