Executor not providing any updates at all.

Robin9

I would suggest that  your mother - not you - contact the aunt and invite her around for tea and cake. A softly, softly approach.

TBagpuss

The message aunt sent do sound very unpleasant. It sounds however that she may have been very upset at the death of her brother and had the impression that you were more interested in money than in his death. Clearly that isn't the case, but I can see how it may have seemed that way to her. Emptions often run very high when someone dies, and people who are grieving often have much less mental energy to deal with other things, than normal, so it's very easy for things to escalate.

I'd suggest that your mum contacts your aunt - is polite and friendly; perhaps acknowledge that aunt is grieving too, and explain that while she understands that aunt has a lot on her plate, it would be helpful if she could keep you and mum in the loop, in particular with the arrangements for the house and the likely timescale to get probate. Perhaps stress that the uncertainty makes dealing with her and your grief over her partner / your dad harder. Perhaps ask specifically if she can let you have a copy of the will, and stress that this is not because you doubt her agility or willingness to do what is needed, just so that your mum know where she stands and can plan accordingly.

It's up to her whether she refers directly to the funeral - if she does, perhaps just mention that there was obviously a miscommunication, that she and you were not in a position to pay up front and that you were aware both that Dad had specifcally mentioned having money set aside for that purpose, and that banks will release funds directly to funeral companies ever where probate hasn't yet been obtained, so you knew that she would not have to pay from her own pocket and didn't anticipate any major delay in being able to organise the funeral, but that it was a very difficult and stressful time for everyone and she  recognises that things could have been communicated more clearly. 

That way, she knows she's done what she can to smooth things over and makes it easier for your aunt to also come half way to be more amicable. If she doesn't progress matters then of course in due course you can get advice, but it is very early days at present.

before she can apply for probate she will need to gather information about your dad's assets so it's usually a job which takes a fair amount of time, try not to be too impatient. 

maman

TBagpuss said:

...before she can apply for probate she will need to gather information about your dad's assets so it's usually a job which takes a fair amount of time, try not to be too impatient. 

And I'd assume that an awful lot of the papers needed to make the application (including possibly bank/insurance details which would have been needed for paying for the funeral) are in OP's home where his father lived rather than with the aunt at the moment. Calm cooperation is essential. 

TripleH

Op, I am sorry for your loss, the pain will fade eventually (I lost my father suddenly 2 years ago)

Agree with Robin. If your mum and Aunt meet and discuss informally, there may be history needing ironing out that it is best you are not sucked into.

Having had a family fall out, these things can be disruptive but sometimes terminal illnesses and death can lead to attempts at reconciliation.

I don't think your Aunt made the comments relating to your father's funeral to hurt you, this is an emotional time and we can forget that we all can deal with death differently.  There is probably an element of guilt on her behalf that she has lost a sibling without having the chance to fully patch things up. I can see that as an outsider but understand your upset as it comes from (to you) a stranger.

Robin9

I suggest you be elsewhere - perhaps come home when they are on the second slice of cake - when your mum and aunt meet.

Although you didn't know your aunt - your mum may have done.  Your father has put his trust in your aunt to execute his last wishes.  She may be quaking in her shoes 

TheInheritanceProblemSolver

I’m sorry to hear of your loss.

You have raised a number of issues and I will try to deal with them all:

Firstly, it usually takes more than 1 month to obtain a grant of probate. At this current time, the Probate Registry is taking many months to provide a grant, and blames an operational backlog associated with the coronavirus pandemic for this.

The point here is, the executor probably has nothing to report at the moment, and realistically may not be able to develop things for a while yet.

How much is the estate worth? I ask because - if there is an Inheritance tax liability, the executor may not be able to obtain a grant without first paying some or all of that liability.

That being said, if the relationship is acrimonious and you genuinely have reason to believe that the executor will not act in your best interests, you can apply to the court for an order removing him/her. C-PAID wrote a good article about this. I can't post links yet but search for 'What if the executor is unwilling to administer the estate?' and it should pop up on Google.

Alternatively if you think they are simply not acting at all, you can serve them with a “citation” requiring them to apply for a grant. If they do not respond in time, you can apply yourself and they will have to give you the Will. Hope that helps.

Robin9

I do not think that the OP realises the timescales involved but this talk of citations, court orders and (by others) of solicitors   is far too heavy.   All it will do is drive the OP and mum farther away from the aunt.

calleyw

Robin9 said:

I do not think that the OP realises the timescales involved but this talk of citations, court orders and (by others) of solicitors   is far too heavy.   All it will do is drive the OP and mum farther away from the aunt.

But is that not like most people?  They seem to think that they can get their inheritance with in a matter of a few weeks when it can take months and in a case that I know of 6 years!!!!! They have never been executor and don't understand that unless its a paid professional that it's being done for free in their own time.  And covid has made it worse as everything is taking longer due to back logs.  And also they seem to forget that the executor has a life and if close to the deceased are grieving as well

GaleSF63

Do you know that your aunt wants to be executor? She may be panicking at the thought of doing it and taking it out on you when she thinks you are pushing her  - and she may not know that she doesn't have to do it.

PennyForThem_2

(edit:  Unfortunately, only the executors can see a will once the will writer has died.  The executor(s) are able to grant permission, but are also entitled to withhold permission too.  Once probate has been granted the will becomes a public document.)

Having read numerous acrimonious family disputes over inheritance on this board, I would do this:

1.  Thoroughly search house for any papers, including bank statements, copy will, house details - this may solve some of your problems.  Are you resident in Scotland (different rules to England & Wales).

2.  Take advice of others on this Board and reach out in a friendly way to deceased's sister.  I would be inclined to write, apologising for any offence, stating gently that usually the funeral director will obtain costs of funeral from deceased's bank account which the executor has power to request from bank.  Also that if she does not wish to be executor she can decline.  I am sure the solicitor who drew up the will could be executor, but it would cost the estate.

3. If no reply or indication of communication I would change the locks of your house.  Also might be worth contacting land registry to put a caveat against the property that there may be dispute over inheritance - sure that the LR could advise.