I'm struggling...

Mellee79

My fuel is about £65 per week. 

My daughter's phone is on contract. I'm already on sim only.

It's not the packed lunches I struggled with. It was cooking a family meal every day with working full time. It's easier for them to have school meals and a sandwich at home. I found it was actually cheaper that way.

kimwp

Mellee79 said:

It's not the packed lunches I struggled with. It was cooking a family meal every day with working full time. It's easier for them to have school meals and a sandwich at home. I found it was actually cheaper that way.

Unfortunately you are going to have to find further ways to reduce your costs unless you want to go down a debt management route. This may involve accepting that a hot meal that requires lots of prep is not actually required for a healthy diet and while you are still paying off your debt it may need to be sandwiches twice a day for a few days a week. Baked potatoes cook quickly in the microwave, pasta is quick, frozen veggies are actually more nutritious than fresh if they are frozen at source and are already chopped, couscous tabouleh stores in the fridge for a few days.

It feels a little like you are justifying your current lifestyle and cannot accept that any cost reductions can be made. Your lifestyle is in no way extravagant and the cost reductions will not be effortless or even easy to achieve, but there are actions you can take that will get you out of this. If you do not feel this is possible, it may be worth starting a new thread asking what debt management route would be most appropriate.

FluffyBabyPenguin

Well done for posting, it's normal to feel overwhelmed by debt but it is very possible to break free of it and look towards a brighter future as a family! I am inspired by the many stories of people on here paying off huge amounts of debt. It won't be easy and will require making changes that may take time to get used to, but one day you're going to have £500 a month that isn't going towards debt payments, and that's worth it!

I feel similar about packed lunches/school dinners, I have usually preferred to just pay for them than make them! Especially as a sandwich, juice, fruit, cereal bar and biscuit can add up to £2-ish anyway (though it can be done cheaper if organised well, but that takes time and planning). 

What I plan to do this year is add all the packed lunch stuff to the weekly shop, and pack the whole week's worth of lunch bits (apart from sandwiches) into zip-lock plastic bags. So when prepping the lunches I just need to throw in the sandwich and the parcel of snacky things, and anything else from the fridge (cheese strings or yoghurts or the like), Some people et on well with freezing sandwiches, they thaw out by lunchtime. 

For evening meals, it is a whole lot easier (if a lot more boring, but may be worth the trade off) to have a set rota of weekly dinners. Easy to plan for, prep in advance, less time spent in front of the oven after work.

(depending on what days you work) something like:

Monday - Spag bol (or maybe bubble and squeak if you had a roast the day before and there's leftovers!)
Tuesday - Baked potatoes
Wed - Potatoes, sausages, beans/peas
Thurs - Stir fry or curry
Fri - Fish and homemade chips or oven chips
Sat - Tacos/chilli/lasange/pizza (or maybe leave it more open if this is a day you have more time to cook)
Sunday - Roast dinner

When I was a child my parents both worked til 5pm and they did this, we actually liked the predictability! We knew what would be on the table at 6pm. Some things they would make at the weekend or the night before. Filling the oven saves energy - if there's a free oven shelf while I'm cooking, I'll throw in in some potatoes to bake them. They keep a few days in the fridge, freeze well, and make a decent lunch to bring and heat up at work if there's a microwave. Frozen food can be of decent quality these days and not overly expensive - breaded fish fillets, oven chips, chicken things, veg are all handy to have in the freezer. 

If they have school meals and a sandwich at home later, and that works for you, that doesn't seem too bad. You're probably right that it doesn't really cost much more. Even stuff like toast and beans, toasties, paddy pizzas etc can add variety. Your commute sounds tough, I'm sure it's no fun cooking when you get home. 

Keep a spending diary. It is one of the best ways to see where your money is going. If you buy clothes with the food shop, write that down in a separate category so you know how much you need to budget for clothing and shoes, and whether you need to cut down. 

You also need a way of budgeting for gifts etc. It can be stressful when these crop up but if you write them all out you can plan them and save up so they won't "suddenly" make a dent in your bank balance. I have started going to the local garden centre and buying a potted rose plant for women's birthdays, they are around £10 and last much longer than cut flowers! 

What is the £65 in your "other insurance" - is that necessary?

You appear to have no emergency fund savings - that trips a lot of people up! Some minor emergency is basically guaranteed to happen at some point (washing machine breaks down or car gives up etc) and it is so much easier (physically and mentally) if you have a pot or bank account that can cover it or go towards it. I know it's hard to save when you have debt but even if you can get £100 in a (preferably sealed with tape) coffee pot you will feel more in control than not having it there.

The Sky can easily go, there's so much decent free TV now! We have the free Pluto app on our Firestick (if you have a smart TV you can probably just download all the free apps if you haven't already. Our TV is not "smart" so we have the Firestick which works great). Cancel Netflix, Prime, anything else that you are subscribed to. Think of them all as little chains that are holding you back from freedom! You can then split what you were paying for TV/entertainment between an emergency fund and debt payments.

Perhaps try the "give every penny a job" strategy. If you have already allocated every penny of your month's income, you'll be less tempted to buy randomly as you'll be aware that money has to come from somewhere. Having a plan will help you feel in control too. 

Do you need the credit card or do you just use it for convenience and pay it all off monthly? If the latter, maybe try to not use it for a month. Use debit card or cash. It can be easier to stick to a budget when you aren't using credit. 

It can be tempting to take out a loan to wipe the overdraft or whatever, but unless you make proper changes to your spending habits, you will not save any money by doing this, just end up with more debt! Start a DFW diary, add to it as you go, and one day you will be celebrating your final payment! 

Sncjw

I would deffo get contents insurance and building. Why did you day you don't need it. If you hace a mortgage I think you should get it. If something happened to the house or your contents then you would need to pay for all of that on top of the debt you already ahve. Getting contents and building insurance will minimise the probellem with this.

Do you work early mornings or nights is that why your mum looks fter you kids alot.

What do you mean her income dies with your dad when he sadly passed away. I would check that her getting money from you doesn't affect her benefits.

The groxet costs is sky high. Could your kids make their packed lunches the night before. It will give them some responsibility and not having to leave it to you. Maybe they could learn to make basic evening meals that you all could eat. Do you get alot of ready meals and convenwxe foods? Maybe start buying items from scratch so you can builk mke and freeze them for says when you are busy but you could also take some to work to eat. Maybe even give to mum when she is looking after your kids.

Have you told your mum your troubles sue might be ble to help out. 

Graham1982

Honestly, and this is coming from someone that had some of your debt issues, the money you can "make" by not spending it on debts is significant. Let's look at the mobile phone scenario:

I used to have the best (contemporary) phone on a contract with loads of data and my ex-partner the same. I was a bit more careful with my phone bill than she was but sometimes the bill would reach over 100, sometimes it wouldn't but it was the unpredictability or surprise which helped to ruin my finances.

Now I pay 50 quid roughly for three sim only plans and the bill rarely exceeds 65 quid with the same amount of data - and the same provider, my internet is with them too.

If you get your daughter on a sim only plan now or as soon as possible, I would, you will see the savings.

That TV package is totally insane - even if you slim it down to Netflix and Amazon Prime that is 12 quid a month roughly, not including YouTube (free) and Freeview (free). I know you say your Internet is included in that but I pay 22 quid for my broadband AND landline (which isn't used) - yes the broadband is not fibre but if you cut the TV out you save a fortune.

Sorry for all the quids and pounds, I am using a non-UK keyboard.

Back to my original point (I believe banks can't be doing this now) once you stop getting "you have exceeded your agreed overdraft" letters and we have charged you for the privilege you don't save money but you don't spend it, so you are less likely to fall into the trap. 

Purplelady65

I do feel for your situation as it must feel that you are working really hard just to stand still and not have anything spare to enjoy life. The main issue is the children’s father barely pays enough to cover their food costs which means you are having to cover all the other child related costs just from one salary. Re the sky package my bill went up to over £100 a month and that didn’t include broadband. I rang them to see what they could offer as a price reduction but they weren’t interested so I gave notice. I then got a great offer with virgin so moved across to them. Once I left sky they then started ringing me with amazing offers every single week! So if you ring and they’re not interested in a significant reduction then I’d give notice as once you’ve left they will try and get you back. Obviously this depends on whether you decide to keep a tv package or just go to freeview and maybe prime or Netflix to save some money. I suppose it’s about how much value you and your kids get from watching tv. If you’re not spending anything else on entertainment then if you get a significantly cheaper package it might be worth it. 

This is quite a radical suggestion but is something my friend did. She was financially struggling on her own on a low wage with an 18 year old son at uni so no other income. The house she lived in was really old and needed lots of work doing to it - new roof, boiler etc. The mortgage was small but she just couldn’t afford the outlay on the house repairs and had been financially struggling for years and years since her marriage breakdown. Her dad is widowed and also on a low income so my friend and her son moved in with her dad. She has sold the house and as they now share all the bills have some money now to enjoy life. Obviously this won’t be an option for many people and may not be an option for you but maybe worth considering if you or your mum could rent your house out for a period of time (I don’t know what the rules are re shared ownership).  

shell16

I just found your thread and have been reading over your comments and others. 

I really feel for you and appreciate things are hard.

I too am with sky for my TV, broadband and phone.  It got to a level of around £130 a month. 

I called them and told them I had found an alternative with BT, exactly the same package for £54 a month.  They matched it!

I think Martin Lewis has said a few times,  the advisors you speak to have a certain amount of deals they can offer, but the best deals are usually with cancellations. 

Stand your ground with Sky but I would do a comparison first and go armed with the info first. 

I know alot of comments made around grocery shopping.  I have started a spreadsheet which monitors my spending in a month a bit like a spending diary if you like. Its a living document so is really time accuracy.   I can see now those bits I'm spending which I didn't see before.   I'm literally dissecting a receipt into food, goodies like sweets as I have 2 kids. 

Another way to obtain some extra income are surveys.  One DFW has earned £1000 in just 8 months!  Maybe look into that too?

Dont give up. You will have all the support you need here. I too am on a debt free journey and only started my diary last week on here.

Just coming on here will give you motivation and money saving ways.

Good luck, I will be following xx

LadyGnome

Contents insurance may well be lower than what you are paying for appliance insurance.  

MrFrugalFever

Hi Mellee,

I have continued to follow your thread and have read the many comments and suggestions on here all of which seem to have real merit and worth.

I do, however, agree with kimwp. Whilst we all sympathise with the situation, it feels very much like each response you have provided us is a justification as to why you CAN’T adapt, rather than how / why / when you CAN.

Please don’t see this comment as a negative one, it is not meant in that way. Debt can manifest itself in many ways and no two cases are rarely the same. 

IF you really want to nip this in the bud now, before a more formal or even legislative structure is imposed upon you, then you must change your mindset. 

 Go back to basics;

- Firstly, work to remove your overdraft and never ever have one again

- revisit your last 3 months bank statements - go through each line of expenditure and justify to yourself why it was spent, if you struggle to justify it, then it may not have been a necessary spend
- whilst I appreciate your children will be affected by some of these changes, it is a good life lesson to them. Sky and the likes is a LUXURY not a necessity. Get rid.
- You say your daughter has a mobile phone contract, is she old enough to work and contribute? If not, re-evaluate the ‘contract’, most networks now offer early contract tariff changes/upgrades. I’m with O2 and often chop and change on their sim only monthly tariffs to keep my tariff to the minimum that works for me
- Food is a necessity to live, however, what you buy and how much you buy is a choice, plan your trips and STICK to your shopping list, no matter how much pressure you may get from others to buy non-essential items
- Your mums situation is a difficult one, but ultimately yours appears worse, she needs to come up with a plan with you to reduce what you pay her more, even if temporarily
- Revisit your statement of affairs, after reviewing your 3 months bank statements and re-post on here with a more accurate and honest list, break it down manually if you need to
- Finally, you’re in the right place for help and support and often non-judgemental, stick with the MSE forum for as long as you can, we will all try to offer encouragement and support where we can

Please reach out if you require any further support, I’ve turned my life around, gone from a spendthrift racking up £36,000 worth of unmanageable debt to now I squeak when I walk. It can be done.

best of luck

Mellee79

I'm not intending to sound like I'm trying to justify my spending etc. I'm responding more for clarity. 

For clarity- I work shifts. My working day goes a lot like this: on a day shift I get up at 5am, set off for work by 6am and am at work (paid) until 7.30pm (which is why my son is cared for by my mum- childminders/care providers/special school dont provide care for the times I need or for overnight either). I don't get out of work on time EVER and often by the time I get home it's more like 9pm. My mum then gives me a run down and most often my son is still up waiting (even though he should be in bed). I get sorted by around half 10ish so there is no time for cooking if I'm in days. On nights my work times are 7pm to 7.30am. A little easier and I will be moving onto nights only shortly (to help family-wise). However if I do 2 nights together my sleep time will need to be longer so it makes meals difficult then. I like the idea of school meals sometimes but I really feel for ease and my own sanity school meals are a better option- at least for my son. My daughter is capable of hearing up a tim of ravioli or mmaking some cous cous but it isnt the best diet and, left to her, she would simply eat crisps all day!

I dont need buildings insurance. It is covered in my rent. I do need contents insurance but I've just not got around to properly arranging it. It has felt like another outgoing and I've avoided it, perhaps foolishly but still.

I am a bit of an impulse buyer when I go shopping so that is something I can change. I dont shop from a list, I tend to buy the things I need but if I see it and think 'yeah that will do' it goes in the shopping too. I do try to shop when the kids are at school so they dont add to the issue!
I like the idea of meal prepping so I could prepare for a few days but I have loathed the idea of spending my downtime cooking! 

My phone is sim only on 02- unlimited calls and texts and 20gb data. I dont actually use all my data but I've been sharing data with my family since I've just learned about mobile hotspots!
My daughters contract is not up for renewal until next year. She is 15 and not old enough to work yet.

I have been trying to save- I have a SO for £50 a month into a savings account but I have had to transfer it back every time I've reached £600. I hate not having savings. And I have been caught out-I had a lot of car troubles for 2 years which ended being from buying supermarket fuel!
I'm sure I will find a way to scrimp and pull back on some things but Im so on edge right now it is terrifying being so close to absolute zero...