Relocating nerves

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Well - as you can probably guess from the title.... I'm relocating and I feel very nervous about it!

Brief background - Partner moved in with me and my children last year, its all been going well. He was offered a position within a new company that he simply cannot turn down (and I wouldn't want him to, its his dream job) - after much discussion (with kids too) we decided to move. 

I own my house outright, the plan is to keep this as a second home (we will return to it weekly/bi-weekly due to child access arrangements) - I've looked into money, and this is affordable.

Job wise - Nothing changes for me, I've spoken to work and they've said there's no issue. 

New area - It's 100 miles away. I spent a lot of time in the city when I was younger, we've found a lovely home to rent which is 20 miles outside of the city, schools for both children are within walking distance and the children are really excited about moving.

Partner is due to move next week into temporary accommodation, We get keys to the new house beginning of Sept and me and children will follow in October - this is because my youngest has a school trip that she doesn't want to miss. In the meantime me and the children will be visiting and staying at the new house at weekends to get used to the area etc.  

Everything should be exciting but my minds over thinking scenarios and I've felt really sick these last few days. I haven't lived away from "home" ever, I'm quite comfortable where we currently live except the people aren't the nicest! 

I've had a lot of upset this month so I'm putting part of it down to that - but I just cannot shake my nerves - I already know I struggle with change and have anxiety. 

Have you relocated? Any tips to make it easier?

MovingForwards

I moved over 3x the distance when my marriage went belly up. Packed my car and started over with enough money to pay rent in a shared flat for a few months and buy food. No job to go to but an interview the next day. Heavily in debt and in a DMP, had been for a few years.

I've made friends, changed jobs a couple of times, cleared my debt and even purchased my own home last year; had to move county again as couldn't afford where I relocated to.

Each day is an adventure and I've no regrets, well only that I didn't leave him sooner!

Brie

It's an adventure!  Yes, nerve wracking but great fun and in years to come you can look back and say "oh why did I wait so long?"

Pollycat

No tips.

But I think your apprehension is perfectly normal.

I'm sure it will all be fine.

maman

I did much the same as @MovingForwards. My DH and I (who I'd met 2 years earlier) celebrate 41 years married next week. 😍 I think we've all been through difficult times in the past 18 months and that may be contributing to your stress. Go for it!

P. S. Is there any way that your DD could just go on the trip as a 'visitor'? It would be so much better for them to start school at the beginning of the term. 🤔

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Thank you for the replies. 

I'm not seeing it as an adventure yet! We had previous discussed moving but the timeline was 2 years away. He was offered the job out of the blue so I wasn't prepared for it.

Sadly DD cannot go as a visitor, the place she's going is a camp that's owned by our school so no other way to visit. I did point out it would be better to start in the September. The plan is that we will go after the half term in October. Not ideal but I suppose at least they have a summer with their friends 

littlegreenparrot

I find it helpful to do the planning when I'm getting anxious abut this kind of stuff. 
So I kind of lean in to the over thinking and figure out the solutions to shut my brain up!

Logistics - things like where the Dr, Dentist and hospital are.
Find the Swimming pool, park, cinema, local National Trust places, things you might like to do with the children. Are they old enough to get involved and do a bit of research?
Can you join a local facebook page so you can see what kind of things are going on, there might be a fete or something during the summer you could go to. I have always found people to be very helpful if you need recommendations for trades, nice places to go etc. 

What will you need for the new house, is it furnished? Write a list of things that would make it nice and 'yours' (don't forget the boring things, is there a washing line? That kind of stuff) Then you can start looking out for things to take along to save having to get everything at once. As your going to to still be using the current house I'm assuming a lot of things will need to stay there. 

Change is hard, and a lot of work. I moved in May and can basically still only get to two places without the satnav ! But it will get easier. I found a hairdresser I liked at the weekend, and a good pub, so I'm working through the priorities   

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

littlegreenparrot said:

I find it helpful to do the planning when I'm getting anxious abut this kind of stuff. 
So I kind of lean in to the over thinking and figure out the solutions to shut my brain up!

Logistics - things like where the Dr, Dentist and hospital are.
Find the Swimming pool, park, cinema, local National Trust places, things you might like to do with the children. Are they old enough to get involved and do a bit of research?
Can you join a local facebook page so you can see what kind of things are going on, there might be a fete or something during the summer you could go to. I have always found people to be very helpful if you need recommendations for trades, nice places to go etc. 

What will you need for the new house, is it furnished? Write a list of things that would make it nice and 'yours' (don't forget the boring things, is there a washing line? That kind of stuff) Then you can start looking out for things to take along to save having to get everything at once. As your going to to still be using the current house I'm assuming a lot of things will need to stay there. 

Change is hard, and a lot of work. I moved in May and can basically still only get to two places without the satnav ! But it will get easier. I found a hairdresser I liked at the weekend, and a good pub, so I'm working through the priorities   

I've done a lot of this already  

The kids are old enough to research but I haven't gotten them involved yet (I don't think I could cope with the "mummmm can we go here/there just yet!) 

I'm a keen runner so I've made friends with a few people in the new area on FB who are in the running group, they are willing to show me around. 

New house - We will be getting most things new. I've already started an IKEA list 

I think a lot of it is simply that I'm frightened of moving. It wasn't something I was ready for, I'm still not convinced I am 

Fabtasia

Hey

At the end of the day. If you or your partner don't like it, you move back. Obviously, you need to give it a real try but you've got your plan B, as you've kept the house.  

Tell yourself you'll have a formal review with yourself at the break point in the tenancy.  If the family's very unhappy, your partner will also feel that the shine is taken off the new job too. I find if I break down the decision into more manageable parts, it makes it easier for me.

Next door is a good info source and also find out from the neighbours if there's a covid what's app group. Ours has morphed from support because of covid to general info and neighbour news.

Good luck and it sounds very exciting.

Savvy_Sue

littlegreenparrot said:

Logistics - things like where the Dr, Dentist and hospital are.  

Never mind this list, we moved about 100 miles and it took me 6 months to find a supermarket I could get to grips with!!! We'd had very little choice, suddenly there were lots of medium sized supermarkets, but I couldn't find the big-but-not-huge variety! 

littlegreenparrot said:

I moved in May and can basically still only get to two places without the satnav ! But it will get easier. I found a hairdresser I liked at the weekend, and a good pub, so I'm working through the priorities   

Navigating became easier when I found a) the road which ran beside the river with no turns left or right for 3 miles, and b) I worked out that if you were going UPhill, you were probably heading out of the city, and if you were heading DOWNhill you were probably heading into the city ... 

And hairdressers, if you can speak to your current hairdresser and she can explain what she does in hairdresser-speak, this may be useful. Mine told me "I trim level from the hairline at the back round to the front", and that was a big help. 

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Sorry its been a whirlwind week and I haven't had time to reply. 

Thank you firstly for taking the time to reply - I do appreciate it

I've written down things that are worrying me: 

New area / Never lived away from "home"
Worried about relying on someone for bills - This is something I haven't done for 10 years.... 
Frightened of things not working out 
Oddly enough, worried that I wont come back "home" 

I am trying to get excited but in all honesty, I'm more scared. I think once I start planning things / get in the house it will be better 

I've had someone approach me (Neighbours grandson) about renting my house which I've said no to - at least not for now. It's something we can do in the future - I'm going to start another thread about "what to do" when renting a property before giving it some serious though (but again, I've told him it wont be available until next year at the earliest)