Wedding Present for grandson?

sheramber

have you instigated any contact since you met them 3 years ago?

Have you sent Christmas cards or birthday cards or presents?

It would appear you  are virtually a stranger to your grandchildren.

You  are not surprised they did not invite his father as there is no contact.

 Why  should they invite you to their  wedding when their is no contact?

silvercar

Pollycat said:

maman said:

HampshireH said:

I wouldn't have expect and invite if you don't speak that's a bit strange.

Just like they won't expect a gift.

You say to make them feel guilty for no invite. Have you made an effort over the years to have a relationship?

Perhaps that gift will be the olive branch ......

A small but personal gift maybe? Something off Etsy that's a bit different. Not expensive but personal from you to them showing thought

I think it does depend on whether OP wants a relationship or to let things lie. If she does then some contact, wishing them well is appropriate but it's hard to say as there must have been so much water under the bridge over the years. 

If the OP wanted a relationship why didn't they try to get in touch before now?

Works both ways!

Pollycat

silvercar said:

Pollycat said:

maman said:

HampshireH said:

I wouldn't have expect and invite if you don't speak that's a bit strange.

Just like they won't expect a gift.

You say to make them feel guilty for no invite. Have you made an effort over the years to have a relationship?

Perhaps that gift will be the olive branch ......

A small but personal gift maybe? Something off Etsy that's a bit different. Not expensive but personal from you to them showing thought

I think it does depend on whether OP wants a relationship or to let things lie. If she does then some contact, wishing them well is appropriate but it's hard to say as there must have been so much water under the bridge over the years. 

If the OP wanted a relationship why didn't they try to get in touch before now?

Works both ways!

Of course it works both ways!

It's pretty clear (at least to me) that the OP's grandson isn't interested in a relationship with her.

Otherwise he would have got in touch.

He would at least have let the OP know about the wedding, even if there wasn't an invite.

There isn't even any communication between the OP and her grandson's family. She can only see what is going on via Facebook.

My post was actually in reply to the one by maman - if the OP wanted a relationship, why didn't she try before now?

I don't think there's much chance of forming a relationship after all this time.

And I think it's wrong to try to guilt-trip an estranged member of your family for not inviting you to a wedding when you haven't been in touch for years (as per the final sentence of the original post).

74jax

BrainDrained said:

Please be gentle with me.

My grandson has just married his live-in partner. They have been together for 5 years and have 2 young children.   Given that (1) I don't have a relationship with him, and (2) I wasn't invited, do I buy them a wedding present?  (And if so, what?)

Background

I don't have much of a relationship with my grown-up kids since I divorced their father many, many years ago.  So I don't have a relationship with my grandkids either, and in fact have only met them once, about 3 years ago.  I am FB friends with the grandson's partner (now wife).  Though we don't chat I can see what my great grandchildren are up to.  It's through FB I found out about the wedding.  Grandson's father (ie my son) wasn't invited either, but not surprised as there is no contact there either, since his mother remarried 20 years ago. 
Wedding was last weekend, so no COVID rules about numbers.  It wasn't a big posh do, church followed by pub buffet and evening disco.

Part of me wants to be generous but I'm not sure whether there is also an element here of wanting to make them feel a bit guilty for not inviting me, which I know is petty and unreasonable.    

I didn't invite people to my wedding who I see every day and had more of a relationship with than you did with someone you met once, 3 years ago.  I can completely see why you weren't invited. 

I've not been invited to weddings and never given it another thought, I also don't consider my gift on the level of making people feel guilty. I'm not even sure recieving something from someone I didn't invite would make me feel guilty - I'd have had reasons for not inviting them. 

Delete them off fb if you have no relationships on there - I only have fb for family (I'm irish and family is huge) but we all interact, comment, and use it like a family communication.  Maybe seeing the family and not being part of it, it's hurtful? 

BAFE

I would send them a gift yes.  Probably cash.  You should send your grandchildren wedding gifts.  

Pollycat

BAFE said:

I would send them a gift yes.  Probably cash.  You should send your grandchildren wedding gifts.  

Even if you don't have a relationship with them?
The OP has no contact with her grandson or his wife or their children.
The OP only sees what is posted n Facebook.

Marmaduke123

I would send them a card and a bottle of champagne or a lovely bunch of flowers. They would probably wonder why on earth you bothered, but personally I would want to acknowledge the marriage in some way, even if I didn't  have a relationship with them.