Money Moral Dilemma: Should my mother-in-law pay to clean up after her dog?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My mother-in-law came over with her new dog, which proceeded to defecate all over our carpet. We have called in professional carpet cleaners to get it sorted - but should we ask for some money towards the bill?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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tacpot12

I would ask if she wants to contribute. I am sure she will have been embarassed and will be happy to contribute and may offer to pay the full cost of the cleaning. I would clear the idea of asking her with your other  half. 

_nate

You could certainly ask for something towards it but presumably she didn't break in with her dog - you did let her and the dog in, I assume? So it's not ultimately her responsibility.

If you had intended to ask for the full cost then you should have contacted her before choosing a provider.

elsien

I know we’re not going to get a reply, but surely at the time she’d have been mortified and offered to pay towards any costs?

Having said that, and depending on the state of the dog’s doings (as it were) was a professional  cleaner really necessary? 

If they do a solid one, it’s pick it up and give a wipe over with disinfectant. If he’s had a serious attack of the squits all over the carpet then that’s a different ball game.

If a) then no because you’ve overreacted. If b) then yes. Although if she’s not already offered then maybe don’t hold your breath. 

penarthian

Same thing happened to me . Carpet so new we hadn’t replaced furniture and dog ran all over it peeing as it went. All Iwas told it was a puppy and couldn’t help,it. Never warmed to that dog EVER. Nor the mother-in-law!

Traveller321

I would definitely drop some strong hints about the cost of cleaning the carpet. The dog would also be banned from my house thereafter. Can't stand the things anyway. 

Vicxie

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My mother-in-law came over with her new dog, which proceeded to defecate all over our carpet. We have called in professional carpet cleaners to get it sorted - but should we ask for some money towards the bill?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

  If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

  Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

In my culture, a mother-in-law is essentially your mother, would you ask your mum to pay? Is the cleaning going to put you out so much that you have to ask her to pay or contriubute? Since you don't see her as your mum, can't your partner just pay for her? or does your partner also think their mum should be paying for the cleaning? If so, what a relationship....

primrose_penguin

I am surprised she didn't offer anyway, I would have been so embarrassed I would also not take the dog to your house again without first asking. What does your wife say, after all it is her Mum, you don't want to fall out over it, if she is behind you I would mention how much it cost to have the carpet cleaned it to your mother in law and hope she  would offer to pay towards it, however if your wife doesn't want a fuss made I would forget about it, but stop the dog from going into any carpeted rooms in future. Hopefully your mother in law will have trained it by now. 

matelodave

Did you invite the dog in or did she just bring it with her unannounced. In either case she should take responsibilty for the actions of her dog but it's not reasonable to just take a dog, cat, rat or pet of any kind to someones house without their express permission. .

We've had a couple of dogs ourselves and as far as I'm concerned the owner is responsible for the behaviour and any damage caused by the dog and TBH even when we had a dog we wouldn't have asked or even expected to take it into someone elses home even if they had given permission.

I have never subscribed to the" love me love my dog" and we dont allow others to bring their pets into our house - my daughter has two cats and she knows full well that they are not welcome

Afourteen

One word answer - YES!

Even if she is of the generation that thinks the children or children 's partners  have to respond her beke and call without complaint. 
If she does not pay up she doesn't visit again with the animal.

REJP

Was it necessary to employ professional cleaners?
This happened to me when a friend came round with his 8 weeks old puppy.  One solid dropping and three pees later I asked him to take the dog outside into my large garden.  Brand new carpet only fitted the day before.
 I cleaned it myself with a hired carpet washer for £20.
My friend made no effort to contribute anything so I told him not to bring the dog again unless it was house trained.

He took offence at this and has not been here since.  Note I did not ask him to pay towards the cost of cleaning.  Hopefully he is happy with his mucky pup.  This happened 3 years ago and was the end of a 30 year friendship.  Bonus is my beer and wine stock lasts much longer now.

 The difference in my case and that of the OP is that I don’t have to weigh up the problem that might arise in possibly upsetting my wife or mother in law.