Secret debt

Desperatedebt

Hi, 
Ive just joined looking for advice. I currently have debt totalling £23,000. I have spent the last year with my head in the sand ignoring it. I recently started the process of a dmp although this is not set up. I have read this weekend that the rules regarding dro’s have changed. I believe this to be my best option at ever being free from debt. 

The debt started seven years ago when I was diagnosed out of the blue with lupus. I was working but struggling to work and manage home life. Sometimes I spent to make myself feel good. Sometimes it was just living, and uniforms and daily stuff. 

I eventually was diagnosed with fibromyalgia as well, and had to give up work. I had a long period managing on child benefit only as it took a while to figure out what I was entitled to. My husband pays rent and council tax and I do utilities and food. I became behind on gas electric and water although these are now up to date. 

He thinks I have only £8,000 worth of debt on a dmp and I am scared to tell him the truth. He recently sold a house he owned and now has £20,000 as a deposit but we’re never going to able to buy with my credit history. This is having a massive impact on my mental health and any advice would be appreciated 

[Deleted User]

You need to talk to him. 

If you're planning to buy a house, he'll find out anyway, and you clearly need help.

fatbelly

With a DRO although your name and address appear on a public register, the amount does not.

Are you the joint or sole owner of any property?

The DRO would create a fresh mark on your credit file that will last six years.

As things stand your debts are probably defaulted and if the marks were made more than six years ago (you said problems started 7 years ago) the entries would not appear on your file. It's worth checking

What I'm thinking is that if a clean file is what's important then a debt management plan my suit you better than a DRO.

How much were you going to be paying per month on the dmp?

Desperatedebt

The dmp would be £100.
I have checked my credit report and they are all defaulted. 

I am so worried he will leave me over this. His goal is to own a home and he’s stuck with me. 

fatbelly

The maximum surplus for a DRO is £75 so that might be a problem.

It would be a long dmp on £100 per month.

Have a chat to someone (stepchange, national debtline, CA) about the DRO and take it from there.

Desperatedebt

The 100 is not realistic, the £75 is. I was just desperately trying to find a solution. 

We rent, I don’t own any property or drive a car, I now claim benefits due to ill health but my husband works and is great with money. He’s been saving for years and really me struggling along on my own allowed him to save. I never ask for help and have always clothed and fed the kids and done Xmas and birthdays. 

He’s 42 and I’m 48 so time for him to buy is running out. 

Thank you for your reply I feel so alone 

MalMonroe

Desperatedebt said:

The dmp would be £100.
I have checked my credit report and they are all defaulted. 

I am so worried he will leave me over this. His goal is to own a home and he’s stuck with me. 

I'm so sorry that you are trying to cope with this alone, as well as trying to manage your illnesses. I know how that feels as I was actually alone when trying to manage and I turned to StepChange (one of the agencies mentioned by fatbelly above) and things started to turn around for me. 

When you get married, you promise to love each other through sickness and health, for richer for poorer. And if you are now having trouble even talking to your husband about your debts what has happened? 

You are talking as if you are two strangers almost. If you are worried your husband will leave you over this it does make him appear to be quite uncaring. He isn't 'stuck' with you at all, he married you, for better and for worse. And your situation is worse at the moment. 

Please do try to speak to him about this. Partners are supposed to share everything, the good and the bad. And after you have spoken, then I would advise contacting StepChange. They listen and they don't judge and then they advise. Best thing I ever did a few years ago because I was truly feeling suicidal about my financial situation. I also had my daughter to think of so didn't do anything but was so depressed. They advised a DRO (also as mentioned by fatbelly) and it was a lifesaver in many ways. I'm now out at the other end, not wealthy by any means but more able to manage my income and outgoings than I ever was before and best thing of all, debt free.

You and your husband are in this together. He deserves to know what's been happening and you need to get all this worry off your shoulders. Tell him and then you can work together to make things work. There really is more to life than owning a home. I'm working towards that goal myself - it's going to take time but I'm determined to get there. Do have some faith in him and lean on your husband, that's what marriage is all about. 

P.S. Time for your husband to buy (that should read 'me and my husband', surely?!) is nowhere near running out!!! As I said, I'm working towards buying my own home, and I am 71 now. Don't let anything stop you from sharing what is happening with him. You sound as if you have been living separate lives financially for far too long already. 

Good luck! Many of us on here have been in similar situations, and survived. You can too. 

Desperatedebt

Thank you for your reply it’s really helped 

DCFC79

Definitely speak to 1 of the charities.