Absolutely Exhausted Please Help

deannagone

You have my sympathies.

I have gone through much the same thing including losing a child, abusive relationships where in addition to 14 years of making me feel awful, the last one ghosted me when he found someone else.  I don't have a house to sell - I do still live in the same house.  But it looks very different, I slowly decorated regardless of how tired I was as a survival thing - and it did help a lot. It was something I could do for myself, depending on no one else (I have no friends and family anyway). a way to move forwards, that after years of being told I was useless made me say 'Nope, I'm not, I'm actually rather good and a lot stronger than I seem.  I've decorated this entire house with hardly any money, no depressing brown to look at anymore, however much it hurt me to do it (and it did as I have some physical problems), no matter how hard it was, I dug my heels in and did it.  The house is now MINE not ours with no unpleasant memories.  I have two special needs children who don't sleep well so I do know what tired is.  Try just doing a small thing, and work your way up.  There are masses of videos on Youtube that tell you how to do practically anything.  Having a good clear up (which you will need to do anyway if you are planning to move) will help you feel more in control as well.  Again, one area or one room at a time.  Start with fixing a broken cupboard, or shelf, make an area look better, whatever needs doing that you can either do or find a youtube video that helps with. 

Also find something you like to do.., and do it.  Whether its a walk, watching a favourite TV programme, doing a hobby, whatever makes you feel good.  Find it and do it.

I am also healthily (not consumingly) angry at my ex, as I should be, what he did was dreadful.  What he did said more about him rather than me (rather than feel defeated by how he treated me and left me). It wasn't because I am worthless as I initially felt, it was because he had really serious failings which he took with him.  I have a future.  His is rather predictable.

Its sounds a bit insane, and isn't for everyone, but I also threw out most of my clothes, too many unpleasant memories.  I slowly replaced them through ebay and charity shops.  Nice things that I value.  For me it was a good thing to do.

But please please get some counselling.., whether you move or not, you will be taking your head with you.  You deserve to get yourself in a better place mentally. Take a stand against the dreadful things life has thrown at you and give yourself that.  You can move on without moving on from your house.  If you choose to do that. 

One of the things I did not long after my baby died was concentrate on making my son laugh.  At first I was still very very unhappy, but within weeks I was laughing with him.  I turned a corner then, a corner I couldn't see me turning at the start.  But I did.

The problem is I don't know you, what is right for me, may be a way forward for you in part, may just make you feel worse .., try and find your own ways to help you move forwards if what I say means nothing to you.   But I would highly recommend finding something you like doing, that makes you feel good and doing it.  And making your children laugh.  

TBG01

If you do decide to go down the 'We Buy Any Homes' route, be very wary.

What they tend to do for example is, offer £60,000, you're nearing the end of the transaction when all of a sudden they reduce their offer, by a lot. It's nothing to do with survey results or anything like that. They just know how desperate the seller must be so will take full advantage of that. 

pinkteapot

Agree with the others that (1) your buyer hasn't pulled out yet  , (2) if they do, auction is a much better route than quick-sale company. 

I know auction feels overwhelming because you don't know what you need to do. If your buyer pulls out, phone a couple of auction companies and just say you need to sell but have no idea how auction works. They should be able to explain it, and may be able to do more of the prep for you than you think (I don't know - I've not used auction - but it's worth the question). 

Murphybear

First of all I’m sorry to hear of your problems and send you a virtual hug.

I agree with what others have said and sell your house at auction.  Have a look at the “Which” website, they have a first class article about property auctions and they are not biased as they don’t buy and sell property.

Keep posting on here as there are lots of lovely people who can offer practical help and a sympathetic ear.

suziebear1985

Thankyou everyone for your advice and support it really is much appreciated. You've given some really good advice and I think I will have a look at the auction route then if the worse happens.

Ditzy_Mitzy

Sorry to hear of your situation.  Nobody deserves a fraction of that particular lot in life, let alone the whole thing.  Proceed with caution: having a house you don't like is far better than having no house at all.  Your situation, presently, is not perfect but is at least relatively stable.  Selling the house might be a great idea, or it might be a terrible decision.  Owning is cheaper than renting, don't forget, and you need to think about how far your improved financial circumstances are predicated on your mortgage repayments. 

Similarly improvements are the sort of thing that can be done gradually, in accordance with your budget and inclination.  They can, assuming not done as a big contract, be discontinued should a rainy day arrive.  Rent cannot; you are contractually obliged to pay the landlord regardless of whether you can afford it.  

jazzyja

You sound alot like a situation I was in.....but mine was alot different in that I was renting.
My old house both my children were born there and shared a room. I loved the house but my ex also left me and chose to never see his children again and the pain and misery he caused to both myself and my children just tainted the entire house. It felt almost haunted and that sick feeling when you have to look at them same walls and that same kitchen etc that you relate to so much misery and pain. 

I was that desperate to get out I would of had ANYTHING quite literally. I was in a state of desperation like yourself and anything to get me away from that house......thats my biggest regret. I picked another house that was bigger but really not nice and now I've lived in this run down rubbish rented house for far too long with the world's worst landlord all because my mental state completely took over my capacity to think straight....you need to calm down and look at this logically. Dont rush into things and make the same mistakes I did. Just hang on and think of the end and a nice fresh start. 

deannagone

How are you doing?  I know it feels like you are taking on an unfair world on your own but we will help if we can and we do care.  The comment above is worth careful thought.  Why I posted is there a way you can make your present home feel better for you.

When I was being evicted, I posted some frequent and very stressed threads on here and people really did try to help.  This site really kept me going (thank you everyone).

Referencing other replies and the above, the other problem with private rentals is stability.  Having to move after your tenancy period is up because the LL wants to sell.., or whatever reason they give (and my private LL was one of the iffy ones too, very stressful dealing with him).  I am now in social housing, and while its not in brill condition, the rent is cheap, their reactions to things a bit more certain and its mine unless I do something awful. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to buy now, even shared ownership.  

With private rentals you could be moving every year (not that that happens often though, but you are definitely going to be moving you and your children more often than you would in a house you own.  This can cause problems with schooling. 

I wouldn't advise anyone going into social housing unless there was no choice though.  The process is quite stressful.

GDB2222

Gosh, Suzie, you do sound stressed. 

So, to relieve the stress, you’ll sell for £56k a property that seems to be worth £72k? I’m hoping that you are just venting. 

GDB2222

By the way, 100 feet is a long, long way above river level. You should be fine. 

You got me interested and I checked the flood risk level for my road. No.1 is showing as medium risk. That’s at the bottom of the hill. We are 100m further along the road, maybe 20 feet higher, and we show as very low risk. HTH.