Misreading the signs

Topanga

Hello all, I could really do with some help here. In a nutshell, I am a bloke who has fallen for a friend. I have know her about 18 months and we get on like a house on fire. We have spoken on the phone every night for the last 14 months, we text every day and see each other once or twice a week. Seven months ago she invited me to a wedding and when I took her home she kissed me, I wasn't expecting it and didn't respond. Anyway since then we have become closer, when I go to hers I sit down ans she lies down with her legs on mine, I give her massages (nothing dodgy), legs, feet, arms and hands and she likes me to play with her hair. We have unbelievable eye contact, we can stare into each others eyes for what seems ages. In summer I went to see a show with another female friend and she seemed jealous. Anyway, yesterday she went away and I decided to write her a letter, I wasn't exactly to the point but said how I wished I'd have kissed her back and how much I thought of her, I think it was obvious how I felt about her. She text me saying what a special friend I was and how lucky she was to have me, not the answer I wanted. I know she has had bad previous relationships and has said to me that she didn't think she'd ever be able to live with anyone again and she is older than me. I am going to respect what she says and we will still be best friends but can I have misread the signs so badly, even now I still think what we have is more than friendship. Any advice appreciated.

mrcow

Life's too short

Ask her outright where you stand. If she says that she just wants to be friends....then start dating other people ASAP.

She's no real friend if she just wants to string you along.

elaine373

I dont think you have misread the signals but i do think she is unsure of what she wants. Like the other replyer just said, life is too short . Ask her outright and let her know you need an honest direct answer. If she is unsure then widen your "circle". All the best.

hobo28

Ouch mate.

Your best bet is to start dating other people. If she was jealous before then this will make her confront her feelings. Right now I think she probably is unsure and probably scared that if things didn't work out, she'd lose a valuable friend.

But don't beat around the bush. Ask her outright. If the answer's no then go date others.

pinkshoes

Ask her outright!

She's blatently giving you "more than friends" signals, so you're not reading it wrong, but maybe she's just scared of getting into a relationship?

But until you ask her TO HER FACE, you're not going to know...

now be brave, and go talk to her! Put her at ease, and get her to talk through any worries she may have.

leftieM

Oh dear. She's trying not to say 'no' because she knows that she will lose her admirer. I've had male friends who wanted things to get jiggy and it's been the end, slowly but surely.
I hope that she either falls into your arms or you can bring the relationship onto a different level. You can't sustain it as it is.
Let us know if it works out. I love a happy ending.

belfastgirl23

Unless she thinks you're gay then there's no question of misreading the signs Just mentioning it in case...

Topanga

Thanks for all the advice, it's made me pretty sure the signals she is giving me weren't just in my head. My feeling is maybe she is scared of getting involved with another man but she likes the connection that we have. She is back next Tuesday so I will talk to her and see where we go from here. I'm sure we will stay friends but how she reacts if I get a date with another girl will be interesting (not that I would go on a date just to get a reaction, I think too much of her to try and hurt her).

Sarahjovi

Next time you see her, give her every opportunity to kiss you again, but this time repsond! Maybe easier said than done though!

Sarah

Topanga

Sarahjovi wrote: »

Next time you see her, give her every opportunity to kiss you again, but this time repsond! Maybe easier said than done though!

Sarah

I think so, I would imagine the next couple of times I see her are going to be a little awkward but thanks for the advice.

NAR

It won't be difficult under the mistletoe!