Money Moral Dilemma: Should I foot the bills for our new home as my partner paid the deposit?

Afourteen

Not going to advise on your specific question, what I will say is now is the the time to setup a " Household" account to pay the bills from (Council Tax, Water, Electric, Gas, BB/Phone, etc) - both pay in an equal amount. Wife and I did as soon as we setup home together, we each pay in £150 each month and we find there is a little surplus at the end of the year which we save.

superbabe612

When I bought a house with my (now) husband, I had equity from a previous property to cover the deposit, and his savings/wages paid for most of the household bills so we're joint tenants.
But given this is MSE, I think the important thing to ask is "can you afford it?" ie if you have a small amount of savings/bonus/spare wages to repay some/all of the deposit (assuming there's a 50/50 split), then you have a dilemma. If you would be getting into 'bad debt' in order to contribute, then the answer is immediately no, regardless of your guilt. 
Incidentally, a couple of years ago my husband went on long term sick so after the first 6 months my salary paid for everything... these thing seem to "come out right in the wash!"
Whatever you decide, do it together. Talk to each other and come to a compromise that you're both happy with. Good luck 🤞

Bribar1949

Get married, pool all resources, share everything and be happy!

meknowalot-51

Don't feel guilty and follow his guidance on this.It's all about working together,at the moment it sounds as though your both financially fine and if you have some extra cash floating around i suggest you start a rainy day fund.As life at the moment has reminded us all that you never know what's down the road,it's what we call the rollercoaster of life.All the best.

zzyz

29 years ago when we purchased our house. I paid the deposit as my husband’s house was in negative equity when he sold it. We have a house account and each pay in 50% of our income. Initially I earned more, then he did, them i did, then we had children and I worked part time but the half income rule has always applied to the house bills and it has served us well. It is harder to be equal when one works less due to taking on more home commitments but by that time the relationship is more established and it matters less.

Tim11111000111

There's no "right" answer; it all depends on your relationship. I certainly wouldn't feel guilty at this stage as your partner has indicated they are comfortable with the current approach.

If you have a long lasting partnership, then eventually it becomes immaterial who paid for what. Money earned by either of you is spent for the enjoyment of both of you (and any other family members). Furthermore, either partner may be contributing to the relationship in other, non-financial ways.

Of course if the relationship doesn't last, then it does become more pertinent. A deed of trust as mentioned elsewhere is one way to resolve this, as it sets out what happens in the even of the relationship breaking down. You might think that you don't need a deed of trust because if you go your separate ways then you will do so amicably and fairly; however, unless you can 100% guarantee that then a deed of trust might be valuable insurance. 

t4mof

Agree with the comment above. I've been married 22 years next month and during that time things have changed several times in relation to our finances. Sometimes OH has been the main breadwinner and sometimes I was. But at no point have we ever separated everything out. We see it as the household money instead of who earned it. Quite an old-fashioned view these days I think but it works for us.

It is likely life will change your circumstances lots of times and you'll deal with it as a couple doing whatever is best at the time.

gatboy

the problems arise if you separate. are you civil partners? joint tenants or tenants in common? who is on the deeds? 

phillmmorris

It all depends on the solidity of your relationship. If it is equivalent to married then given partner doesn't mind, I wouldn't.
However, if the potential for splitting up is there then, it depends who gets what in that event. If you intend to split the proceeds then I think you should make an attempt to equalise your input (say) 2/3rds of the costs are borne by you until you have equalised their input. Then there is the thorny question of children - so if you are the carer then all above goes out of the window and you just share as much as able (like being married)
Having been married for 45 years, whoever earned the money, it was ours to own (and my wife's to spend!!)

steampowered

You paying for all of the furniture is not the same as your partner paying the deposit. Paying for the furniture does not give you a share of the property.

It would make sense for your partner to have a greater share of the property, taking account of the money he put in. This should be documented in a "Deed of Trust".

For example, if he paid a 20% deposit, when the house is sold he should get 20% of the sale price before you get anything.

Then, you are on a fair footing, and can split costs equally.