Nosey Neighbours and Gossiping

hgd7

I currently own the biggest and most valuable home within the 3 streets around me (in terms of size, and house value). I paid the asking price as the home potential was perfect for my family. We have recently undertaken some DIY and professional jobs (new windows, doors, external painting, fencing etc) - None of which would really disturb anyone and everyone I do have any work done outside, I inform the nearby neighbours incase of loud machine work in the mornings. Recently I have had my fence changed (from 1.6m to 1.8m height) and have heard two of the neighbours on my side gossiping and bad mouthing the work, stating I have taken land, I have gone too high etc etc. I heard all this while sitting outside. I am inclined to just ignore and not worry but other part of me says to get on with everyone who lives close by. No one has said anything to myself and I doubt they would. Another part of me thinks they all need to find something interesting in their lives then worry about my work and a bloody fence. Any advice from anyone who has had what seems to be jealous neighbours or just nosey people?

MovingForwards

Ignore them and enjoy your home.

sevenhills

Ignore them, but you could just drop in conversation that the new fence followed the same line as the old one and the 6' height is what is allowed in your area.

Rosa_Damascena

People are bearing false witness but cannot say the same to your face? You're at an advantage now you know what your neighbours are really like.

Home improvements raise everyone's house price on the street by upping the ceiling so I wouldn't feel guilty.

Eta: are you sure they said taken land rather than taken light?

hgd7

Rosa_Damascena said:

People are bearing false witness but cannot say the same to your face? You're at an advantage now you know what your neighbours are really like.

Home improvements raise everyone's house price on the street by upping the ceiling so I wouldn't feel guilty.

Eta: are you sure they said taken land rather than taken light?

100% taken land even though it is on the same line as before. Funny how it was never a problem when the old fence was there. My other neighbour thinks it is just jealously. It annoys me but yes you are right. Least I know now and can just ignore them next time instead of making small talk

Davesnave

hgd7 said:

 Any advice from anyone who has had what seems to be jealous neighbours or just nosey people?

Yes, you will never please all of them, especially if you have noticeably more than they do. You'll gradually get to know your neighbours and discover who's worth getting to know better and who you should just acknowledge cheerily before going on quickly with whatever you are doing.

Also bear in mind that recent restrictions haven't made it easy for new arrivals  to integrate into a community and existing residents may be more anxious and bored than usual.

Tigsteroonie

Why the presumption that this gossip stems from jealousy? They might just think you're an obnoxious person  

hgd7

Tigsteroonie said:

Why the presumption that this gossip stems from jealousy? They might just think you're an obnoxious person  

Me? Surely not
Hard to know when the most all ever say is hello and morning. Either way, each to their own. I decided I shouldn't waste any effort on them especially as no one wants to say anything directly to me so I will let them gossip on. 

Jeepers_Creepers

Hgd7, to put things in overly-simplistic terms (but I find they serve the purpose for most situations), there are two basic types of folk in this world. You sadly appear to have one of the types as your neighb(s).

What to do about?

1) Nothing, is one possibility. Just accept they are idle-minded jealous/entitled types whose default position is 'cynicism' and feeling 'wrong-done by'. They need that - it's what feeds them. You now know what they are like, and whilst they may well (actually - they will) be pleasant to your face (because they can and do that - after all, they have a 'face' to spare), you now know what's going on inside, so you play the relationship on your terms. Ie, polite, helpful, but don't allow them to ingratiate, 'cos it'll be insincere. Make it exactly the neighbourly relationship that you want to have with them.

2) Redress the balance. The next time you do the decent thing and inform them of likely noise, take the opportunity to be absolutely honest and upfront; "Oh, and - sorry - but I couldn't help overhearing a conversation from your garden a few weeks back. It seems there may be some concerns about the position of my new fence, and its height? I'm pleased I overheard because I wouldn't want anyone to feel wrong done by and not say anything. I can assure you that it's on the exact same boundary line, and it's within the required height." Don't smile too hard as you watch the colour drain from their face, and they stumble to insist no such conversation took place. "Well, if that wasn't the conversation, then at least I've had the chance to reassure anyone who may have concerns, and I am happy to be approached about anything like this..." That will not only shift the balance, but you'll have also effectively told them they are 'gossips' without the guts to make a direct approach.

In either event, you keep being the decent and reasonable person you are. Be polite, be helpful, take in their parcels, and get to know all your neighbs gradually as time goes on. It'll become very clear who is one type and who is the other. And you will find that the 'decent' ones will gravitate towards you - and their sincerity won't be in question.

For all this, I am assuming, of course, that you are the 'other' :-)

Laz123

I had the same problem when I put a moat round my castle. Just ignore the gossipers.

Rosa_Damascena

hgd7 said:

Rosa_Damascena said:

People are bearing false witness but cannot say the same to your face? You're at an advantage now you know what your neighbours are really like.

Home improvements raise everyone's house price on the street by upping the ceiling so I wouldn't feel guilty.

Eta: are you sure they said taken land rather than taken light?

100% taken land even though it is on the same line as before. Funny how it was never a problem when the old fence was there. My other neighbour thinks it is just jealously. It annoys me but yes you are right. Least I know now and can just ignore them next time instead of making small talk

Don't do that, turn the other cheek and kill them with kindness.

Jeeps you are becoming increasingly loquacious of late...! I am enjoying your wisdom.