Can a school go through a kids phone?

TWIGLET1234

My daughter aged 11 had to hand over her phone and give her passcode as she’d been in a group chat involving bullying. Luckily she wasn’t a bully but was a member of the chat and the school wanted to screen grab the messages. She willingly gave the phone but the school obviously looked through all her past  messages, found some between her friends from last week basically commenting on the attention seeking behaviour of a pupil in their class (the victim of the initial investigation) and she’s been disciplined for that particular chat. The victim was not in that chat or saw the messages (so let’s say they were talking behind her back rather than bullying to her face) 

The head teacher even sent messages from my daughters discord account to her friends who were self isolating, telling them to get off discord and do their home learning when he had it which I think is a bit of line in all honesty. I wonder what else he’s gone though on her phone!! 

thorsoak

Maybe you should have been going through your daughter's phone!   

yksi

It is NOT out of line. Your daughter's behaviour was STILL BULLYING. You need to get out of the mindset that when the victim didn't see it, no harm was done. HARM WAS DONE.

Your daughter and her friends were, by gossiping about her amongst each other, creating a hostile environment for the poor bullied kid. One child says they're an attention-seeker, and next thing, everyone treats her like an attention-seeker, every minute of every day and everywhere she goes. In the working world, her behaviour would VERY clearly be considered workplace harassment and could get someone sacked or end up in court!!! So maybe now you'll realise that yes, it was wrong. And just because it's a child, and in a school environment, doesn't make it innocent, and arguably, it's worse, because these are scars which last a lifetime. It also doesn't matter whether it's on school grounds, at home, in school hours, on weekends, in person or on a phone. It's wrong, and although she's only 11 and doesn't really understand the impact, the impact is still huge.

What you need to do is sit down with your child and explain to her that the gossip is making this kid's life hell and she was contributing to that. You need to ask how it would feel if everyone were gossiping about her. How would she feel if everyone in the class thought she was an attention-seeker and talked about her on WhatsApp. Would she cry herself to sleep, would she feel sick every day, would she never want to return to school again? Ask her these questions. It is too easy for kids to detach themselves from the real and actual feelings of other kids, especially when they are young.

The mature and kind thing to do is for her to reach out to that kid and simply say good morning. Without laughing, or making a joke, or having any other motive. If she's old enough to have a phone she is old enough to undo some of the damage.

sassyblue

Has the school got a policy for having mobile phones in school? you need to ask for it and see what they state. I can see why you’re annoyed but yksi's post is spot on.  Your daughter still saw the messages and didn’t speak up for the victim did she?

A bully was being nasty about my child in a group chat but my son's friends stuck up for my son and I will be forever grateful for their kindness, it really was priceless.

sheramber

I would be more concerned at her behaviour than the headmasters.
 While your daughter may not have been part of the open bullying group she was still part of it by 'talking about her behind her back'.

Happy_Sloth

I was badly bullied at school, I was bullied at a time before 'mobile phones and the internet'.  I do think bullying is worse now because of them.   At least when i was bullied i was safe at home with my family but with the internet the bullies are always there.

Even without the 24/7 bullying phones and the internet allow by 15 i had 3 serious attempts at suicide under my belt and ended up in full time live in psychiatric care. 

One of the worse things about bullying is the social isolation, only a small handful of people actually physically bullied me.. but it's the rumours, the gossip the way they isolate you make sure you have no friends by spreading lies.  

Now you say your daughter was involved in a chat where they where talking behind this child's back.  As a parent you need to take this SERIOUSLY ..... this IS bullying and your child is part of it.  Now giving your child the benefit of the doubt, it's possible they are just following the crowd and they don't realise the hurt they cause.  

However as a parent you need to take this seriously, make them realise this is wrong.  Your child needs to be the one telling their friends this is wrong and helping to stop it.  They should be the one reaching out to the victim and making friends.  

Is the teacher looking at the phone wrong? that's debatable i agree but teachers are fighting a battle against bullying and if they can't see.   It might not be right to look at a child's phone, but now at least they know who is involved. 

As a parent i don't think you should be worrying about the phone.  you need to be worried about why your child is involved in bullying and why they think this is ok. 

No parent should ever be put into the same position as my mum,  finding me lying beside an empty bottle of vodka, unconscious, bleeding and barely breathing !  

They said i was an attention seeker too. 

olgadapolga

yksi said:

It is NOT out of line. Your daughter's behaviour was STILL BULLYING. You need to get out of the mindset that when the victim didn't see it, no harm was done. HARM WAS DONE.

It's wrong, and although she's only 11 and doesn't really understand the impact, the impact is still huge.

 The impact lasts forever. And I mean forever. It affects the rest of your life, you don't do anything without worrying about what others think of you. Constantly looking over your shoulder, waiting for others to have a go at you. The child that's been picked on has already been hurt. That will live with them forever.

I really hope that, for the sake of the child that's being picked on, and for the sake of the OP's child, the school stamp down hard on this. As a parent, the OP should also stamp down hard on it. It may appear to the OP that her child wasn't involved, but she was, as she didn't tell the other members of her group to stop it.

74jax

I've been in jobs I've known people are talking behind my back, as an adult it's horrible. To be a child....
As a parent all you want to do is protect the child. 

I would use this as a starting point. Teach your child to be kind. Do not talk in a group about anyone as they are more likely to then do so in big school and in to their working life. It is not OK.
Talk about inclusion, its huge now, and teaching early is fantastic. 
This child could have tummy aches at the thought of school, cry at night.... Just having someone reach out could stop something terrible happening.
I volunteered for ceop - child exploitation online - please use their website, talk to your child about their online presence, and try and know if they are bullying behind someone's back. It's hard I know, but it has to be a normal subject brought up all the time 'OK at school? How is everyone else?' and listen to the reply....

To teach a child empathy is a wonderful thing. 

CookieMonster

TWIGLET1234 said:

My daughter aged 11 had to hand over her phone and give her passcode ...

The head teacher even sent messages from my daughters discord account to her friends who were self isolating, telling them to get off discord and do their home learning when he had it which I think is a bit of line in all honesty. I wonder what else he’s gone though on her phone!! 

To answer your question:
I don't believe that he had the right to go through her phone - would you let him go through yours simply if you were on 'school property' with your mobile in your pocket?
There might be something in the school policy about it, ask to see their justification.
Complain.
Or perhaps, go to the school and demand that the headmaster hands you his phone and his passcode, then message his friends.
And tell your child to refuse next time: they can contact you if necessary.

elsien

There may be rights and wrongs to this, but you do need to consider what message you want to give your daughter.  It is a good thing to teach children that it is ok to  to stand up for your rights when you are in the right.

But if complaining about the school and how they've handled it takes precedence over talking to your daughter about online/virtual bullying, you are going to be teaching her that her behaviour and that of her friends is fine and the school are over-reacting. Is that what you think and the message that you want her to take away from this?

By all means discuss the policy with the school if you have concerns. But that shouldn't be the focus when you're talking to your daughter.
Because things like this are what she is very likely to have to deal with, and you and her need to understand the risks and to be able to talk about it, not be one of the people who is completely oblivious to their child's online life.
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JamoLew

If you were the parent of the child being bullied, would you still feel the same ?