Charging my daughter and boyfriend rent?

Kim_kim

I think you need to draw up a list of the bills & advise them the month is being raised to half the household bills.  If they do not like this, the boyfriend has a months notice.  

Then you can decide what to do about your daughter.  

yksi

Oh my goodness, no wonder they don't give a stuff about finding a job, they are living on Easy Street and you're the one paying for it all.

It costs about £100 for the room alone in much of the UK, and you're also paying their share of council tax, utilities and food. So basically you've fed, watered and powered them out of your own pocket.

Here's how the conversation goes: Honey, I agreed to help you out short term but I can't afford to cover your expenses anymore. I need £100 per month for the room and you and boyfriend need to pay half the bills. And there will be absolutely no drugs in my house. Both of you need to make an effort to (get therapy and find jobs) and you will both do your fair share of cleaning the house.

Then you need to stick to it.

If you can, you can then put the £100 a month away in secret, and once it reaches a certain amount you tell them you have some money to help pay their deposit BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO FIND THEIR OWN PLACE.

Grumpy_chap

BABYSEED18 said:

Can someone please help me? My daughter who’s 20 is signed off with bad anxiety therefore is not working. Her boyfriend moved in a year ago, they both pay £100 each month. They have all food and bills included and smoke a lot of cannabis between them. I struggle to feed my 14 year old son yet they buy the newest games consoles, clothes and cannabis. I think they should be paying more than £25 a week! Can anyone please help on how to work this out?!

I'd certainly say to charge them more.  As others said, there is no "right way" to calculate how much.
Also, stop doing their work for them but make them "survive" on their own cooking etc.  If that is not convenient for every meal, then at least some meals. 
It will help if they need to budget for food and also have less over for smoking.  So, maybe a "rent" that is room and bills only (because bills can be very hard to quantify), but not including food, toiletries etc.
If you get to a point where you feel they are paying more than you need, put the excess into a savings account - don't tell the daughter and bf, but you can plan to give that back to them when they do proper move out to help them set up home.

suejb2

GeordieGeorge said:

suejb2 said:

Ask them if they can find the same accommodation, food and bills for £50 a week! 

£23 per week.

They pay £200 a month, so they pay £50 a week.

getmore4less

200*12/52/2 = 23.0769231pp

thegentleway

getmore4less said:

200*12/52/2 = 23.0769231pp

There’s 52.14285714285714 weeks in a typical year 😆

MovingForwards

I was paying £25 PW 29 years ago, they've got it good.

Just tell them it's not covering everything and you want £x now and each time food and bills go up you put the keep up. If they don't like it they can move out, you can get a lodger in who probably won't be smoking dope and taking the wee.

barbiedoll

suejb2 said:

GeordieGeorge said:

suejb2 said:

Ask them if they can find the same accommodation, food and bills for £50 a week! 

£23 per week.

They pay £200 a month, so they pay £50 a week.

I read it as they pay £100/month between them? Either way, the boyfriend sounds like a right scrounger, how have you put up with the pair of them dossing around for a year? If your daughter is too anxious to work, she should be making an effort to deal with it, not self-medicating with illegal drugs, and eating you and her brother out of house and home. She mus have been 19 when you let her bloke move in, what were you thinking? If they're so desperate to be together, let him work and pay rent in his own place, like everyone else has to. He's making a right mug out of you, he's not family so why let him sponge off you?

Put your foot down and get rid of the parasitic boyfriend. Your daughter will recover much more quickly, you'll have more money in your pocket and your son will benefit.

Pollycat

barbiedoll said:

suejb2 said:

GeordieGeorge said:

suejb2 said:

Ask them if they can find the same accommodation, food and bills for £50 a week! 

£23 per week.

They pay £200 a month, so they pay £50 a week.

I read it as they pay £100/month between them? Either way, the boyfriend sounds like a right scrounger, how have you put up with the pair of them dossing around for a year? If your daughter is too anxious to work, she should be making an effort to deal with it, not self-medicating with illegal drugs, and eating you and her brother out of house and home. She mus have been 19 when you let her bloke move in, what were you thinking? If they're so desperate to be together, let him work and pay rent in his own place, like everyone else has to. He's making a right mug out of you, he's not family so why let him sponge off you?

Put your foot down and get rid of the parasitic boyfriend. Your daughter will recover much more quickly, you'll have more money in your pocket and your son will benefit.

From the original post:

BABYSEED18 said:

Can someone please help me? My daughter who’s 20 is signed off with bad anxiety therefore is not working. Her boyfriend moved in a year ago, they both pay £100 each month. They have all food and bills included and smoke a lot of cannabis between them. I struggle to feed my 14 year old son yet they buy the newest games consoles, clothes and cannabis. I think they should be paying more than £25 a week! Can anyone please help on how to work this out?!

As the OP says they both pay £100, I read it as each pay £100 so £200 in total.

But I don't disagree with any of the points you've made.

I hope the OP will come back and update this thread.

pickledonionspaceraider

I have got a few points to make here

1. Anxiety can be an absolute life ruiner - I have huge experience in this area unfortunately.  For me, the worst thing I can do, is sit around doing nothing - i.e not working and letting it take me away. Anxiety needs dealing with. The devil makes work for idle minds, as well as hands.  She could work from home, there are LOADS of w@h jobs available right now - doing pretty simple admin tasks. LOADS of people work full time hours and have severe anxiety. WE manage to do this because we are medicated and treated properly.
2. Cannabis does NOT help anxiety long term.  Might help temporarily whilst high, but after that NO - and in fact can make it much much worse in long term.  
3. Get her to go to the doctors - Proper medication is URGENTY NEEDED  - not self medication.  Take it from someone who knows, Cannabis use is just adding to her problems (and yours and your sons).  The mental health services are abysmal unfortunately, and often it can take many many visits before people get the proper help they need and this is why folk self medicate 
4. Are you happy for the boyfriend to be living at your place?
5. You clearly think that they are not paying enough and you are right they are NOT.  They are leaving you and your younger son,  high and dry whilst they are having spare  money for treats.  You know this is wrong or you wouldn't have posted.  Hike their price RIGHT  up because they are mugging you off and you are ENABLING THEM to do so
6. What are their long term housing plans?  You need to discuss this RIGHT NOW, or you could still be in this situation for years.  Get them on the local authority housing wait list is a bare minimum but if it were me, I would be helping them look for a private rent, immediately. (but do NOT guarantor this whatever you do - I say again, do NOT be a guarantor for a  private rent)
7. This whole situation is VERY unhealthy for your 14 year old.  Witnessing the normalised use of Cannabis is going to make him think this is OK. It is NOT...and is setting him up to be doing the same, if he is not already.  This is actually a safeguarding issue that a child is being exposed to this.  I am sorry to say but this is neglect of the 14 year old that you are knowingly letting two adults use substances in your house and expose him to it.  PUT AN IMMEDIATE STOP TO THEM USING CANNABIS IN YOUR HOUSE. Right now, no excuses and not even in their own room. Put an end to it, take some responsibility for what is going on in your house, as if you do not act, you are enabling it AND are equally as guilty.

I know this post comes across as all judgey, but really if you knew me, you would see I have been in similar situations - and I feel you are a starting down a path that I stumbled down before, and I wish someone had said this to me.

By enabling your daughter will delay her independence - and cause problems for your son = and you will be the one who has to pick up the pieces for both. ...as your son is coming up right behind her - all set to go down the same route - so you have got to, as the adult of the house - you have GOT to take responsibility and put a stop to this

Just because someone suffers from anxiety, it does not stop being an adult, and having to take adult responsibilities and live an adult life.  THIS IS YOUR HOUSEHOLD - REGAIN CONTROL OF IT, as is YOUR responsibility to ensure the wellbeing of your son - which is NOT happening right now. 

I do wish you well.  I suggest a family meeting and some new ground rules laid down - ie: their continued housing at your place needs to have an agreed, and reasonable expiration date - they need to look for alternative housing - they need to stop smoking in the house - they need to pay a reasonable amount of rent - your daughter gets proper treatment.  If they refuse to agree to this, I would be advising them to present themselves at the local authority homeless unit.  Harsh, yes - but protection of your son is the priority here