Separation after 30 years of marriage

AskAsk

74jax said:

How does 50% of a pension work?

As the op is nearly 70 and the ex 55 I'm guessing the op is drawing a state pension.

Would the ex get 50% of this even though still working and the op only get 50%of the ex"s pension in 10 to 15 years? 

as far as i am aware, the pension is valued in its entire expected lifetime and half of that value is given to the OP.  this can be paid to the OP's own pension arrangement or some scheme will allow the OP to set up as a member with them.

jigsawgirl69

Thank you for all your helpful comments. I'm trying to keep our relationship civil, as I really don't want to go to court to sort things out. Originally we agreed to split money from the house sale 50/50, until I realised that I wouldn't have enough to live on. My husband has now agreed to pay me £500 per month for 5 years spousal maintenance, which takes the initial figure up to £100,000.  After that I don't really know. My son, who still lives at home is trying to buy a flat, which I can stay with him for a short time. After that I may have to rent. We are also looking into my son purchasing a second property (small flat) with a bespoke mortgage, allowing me to live there (not buy to let). I would have to use £50,000 as a deposit, but it would mean when I die, my son gets something. I really don't know at the moment, its all very upsetting.

cymruchris

jigsawgirl69 said:

Thank you for all your helpful comments. I'm trying to keep our relationship civil, as I really don't want to go to court to sort things out. Originally we agreed to split money from the house sale 50/50, until I realised that I wouldn't have enough to live on. My husband has now agreed to pay me £500 per month for 5 years spousal maintenance, which takes the initial figure up to £100,000.  After that I don't really know. My son, who still lives at home is trying to buy a flat, which I can stay with him for a short time. After that I may have to rent. We are also looking into my son purchasing a second property (small flat) with a bespoke mortgage, allowing me to live there (not buy to let). I would have to use £50,000 as a deposit, but it would mean when I die, my son gets something. I really don't know at the moment, its all very upsetting.

I would be very much inclined to get professional advice - it's your future we're talking about here. We can all give little pointers and share experiences - but it'll be worth spending a little to make sure you have the right provisions in place, and to come to an amicable solution that can suit both parties. If he's not prepared to let you do this without argument - then that would show me that his intention would be to come away from the relationship in a stronger position which would be very much unfair.

kazwookie

Jigsawgirl69     go and get some proper legal advise, you may need to go to court to get the 'agreement' written so your ex cannot wriggle out of the agreement in the future.

If the ex has been or is earning £60K plus per year, how much money /cash is there, at that rate of pay per year, there should be a lot of money around, or has he been siphoning it off into an unknown account to you?

I also strong suggest any joint accounts you have get closed down so they cannot be 'cleaned out'

Make sure any extra spending by either of you, is noted as to what / why/ how / date etc.

It turned my ex had 2 'other' accounts, so I kicked up a BIG fuss and got 50% of those two accounts.

sassyblue

jigsawgirl69 said:

Thank you for all your helpful comments. I'm trying to keep our relationship civil, as I really don't want to go to court to sort things out. Originally we agreed to split money from the house sale 50/50, until I realised that I wouldn't have enough to live on. My husband has now agreed to pay me £500 per month for 5 years spousal maintenance, which takes the initial figure up to £100,000.  After that I don't really know. My son, who still lives at home is trying to buy a flat, which I can stay with him for a short time. After that I may have to rent. We are also looking into my son purchasing a second property (small flat) with a bespoke mortgage, allowing me to live there (not buy to let). I would have to use £50,000 as a deposit, but it would mean when I die, my son gets something. I really don't know at the moment, its all very upsetting.

You may not need to go to Court. Even if he initially disagrees to anything he might come round after the benefit of legal advice. Once you've agreed the consent order is sent to the court to be approved by a judge.

as for your post I quoted. No, no and NO.

he’s suggesting £80,000 net sale proceeds to him and £70,000 to you, with yours is being bumped up by spousal maintenance?

I don’t think so!

I cannot emphasise how important it is to see the values of his pensions and obtain legal advice upon the same. You could be being taken for a ride here, it’s imperative you don’t take anything he says for granted but get the figures and get your own legal advice

jigsawgirl69

Not sure where to get legal advise from? Do I speak to a family solicitor or a financial adviser?

sassyblue

jigsawgirl69 said:

Not sure where to get legal advise from? Do I speak to a family solicitor or a financial adviser?

Family lawyer, recommendations are always best if you know anyone who's used one.

a financial advisor may be needed later once you have those pension valuations. See if you can get your hands on anything before it 'disappears', it does happen in divorce

Lavendyr

I really echo the above advice. You've been his partner in life for 30 years. What he has offered does not seem appropriate or acceptable. Please see a family lawyer - some do "no win no fee" and others charge a percentage of what you end up with. Either way I suspect you would be better off,. 

sassyblue

Lavendyr said:

I really echo the above advice. You've been his partner in life for 30 years. What he has offered does not seem appropriate or acceptable. Please see a family lawyer - some do "no win no fee" and others charge a percentage of what you end up with. Either way I suspect you would be better off,. 

'No win no fee' Solicitors are for personal injury not family law. 

Family lawyers will often defer payment of their fees until your settlement is received though.

TBagpuss

jigsawgirl69 said:

Not sure where to get legal advise from? Do I speak to a family solicitor or a financial adviser?

A family solicitor, in the first instnace.

If you know anyone who has recently used one ask them for advice and a recommendation, if not (or as well!) look at https://resolution.org.uk/find-a-law-professional/ to find a suitable expert lawyer in your area. Many offer a free initial consultation so you can talk to someone and get a feel for whether you would be comfortable with them. 

later on you may need to talk to a financial adviser  or pensions specialist but start with a solicitor.