Separation after 30 years of marriage

jigsawgirl69

After 30 years, my husband wants us to separate. He is 55 and I am 69. We have put our house up for sale, but still have a mortgage. After costs, we should still have approx £150,000 between us, so not a lot to play with. We have agreed that I should have £100,000 and he will have £50,000. He has just started a new job earning £60,000pa + car and benefits. I only have my state pension of £620 per month and a small income approx £200 per month from an online business. My husband has had approx 4 works pensions over the last 20 years or so. Should i expect anything from these or be happy with what he has offered me. I don't want to ruin the relationship we have, but am worried where I'm going to live and on what? Any advise would be welcomed. Thank you.

flashg67

might be worth checking here, but it is up to you if you're happy with what's proposed betwwen you alredy, but the value of the pensions could be quite considerable

link - https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/dividing-pensions-on-divorce-or-dissolution

tacpot12

You should be expecting about half his pensions. The legislation on pension sharing was brought in because of people in exactly  your situation finding themselves very poor in retirement. His pensions could easily be worth £600,000, and provide you both with an income of over £1000 per month each. 

74jax

Is there a reason it isn't being split 50/50?

pinkshoes

You need to put together ALL your assets (property, pension, cars owned etc...) then go 50/50 on that as a starting point.


You were a team for 30 years. He may have built up more pension, but I imagine you contributed in other ways to the marriage that just weren't financial (time out to raise kids etc... perhaps?) so half of all assets (including pensions) are yours as it is the only fair way to do it when you have been together so long.

e.g. my husband will end up with a much bigger pension pot than me as I *only* work part time, but I contribute to our family doing so much other stuff (housework, meal planning, food shopping, cooking, activities with kids, parenting, DIY etc...). Marriage isn't just about money. 

You are not ruining the relationship by asking for half the pension money, because half of it is yours. 

CookieMonster

pinkshoes said:

You need to put together ALL your assets (property, pension, cars owned etc...) then go 50/50 on that as a starting point.

Jigsawgirl69:
A year or two from now you will regret not doing this.

TBagpuss

You need to get information about his pensions and then get some proper advice.
without  knowing what his pensions are worth it's impossible to say if the deal would be fair but my gut instinct is that it's not because:

- If he is 55 and has the kind of career that means he's earning £60K p.a., it's probable that he has fairly decent pensions, so it's likely that the value of his pension is greater than the extra money he's suggesting you have from the house

- he's younger than you and is in a well paid job. That means that he will have the capacity to get a mortgage, and he has another 10-12 years over which to build up further savings and pensions. - the age difference means even if your other circumstance were equal it is likely that you'd be entitled to a larger share of the assets because your needs a re greater. 

 - yours is a long marriage and the pension were all built up during the marriage - they are a joint asset just like the house, so the starting point is that you should get half of them. Valuing pensions is tricky so in order to give you pensions of equal value in terms of the income you can expect, you may well need more than 50% of the actual pension funds.

It's really important for you to get proper, professional advice. 

If he is genuine and thinks the offer is fair, he'll be happy for you to get advice and get that confirmed. 

You won't be ruining the relationship - if he is trying to cheat you out of what you are entitled to, or takes offence because you are checking that it is fair, then there's no relationship to ruin.

You also need to think about where you will live. Would £100,000 be enough to buy something suitable? Have you made enquiries about whether you would be able to get a HA property? (pension may come into play here - if you ha a share of his pension, you might then be able to take 25% f that as a lump sum to give you a bit more capital, but again, you can't work out any options until you know the numbers!) 

AskAsk

as others have said, you will be entitled to 50% of his pension pots, which will be more significant than 50k when you put a value on the pension!  you are being diddled to be put it bluntly, but of course, you may feel it is fair to let him keep all of his pension.

sheramber

 my husband wants us to separate.

I don't want to ruin the relationship we have 

Has the  relationship not already been ruined ?

74jax

How does 50% of a pension work?

As the op is nearly 70 and the ex 55 I'm guessing the op is drawing a state pension.

Would the ex get 50% of this even though still working and the op only get 50%of the ex"s pension in 10 to 15 years? 

AskAsk

sheramber said:

 my husband wants us to separate.

I don't want to ruin the relationship we have 

Has the  relationship not already been ruined ?

lol.  i did wonder that.  but i think she means they have an amicable split at the moment and she doesn't want it to become nasty.