Elderly neighbour now wants to pay me for helping her...

TELLIT01

GaleSF63 said:

I agree with this. After all, lots of people who are not dependent in any way pay for cleaning, gardening, shopping. It gives a sense of organisation, maybe achievement, running their lives to suit them. 

I am on your neighbours side. Over the last year a friend has been helping me; keeping my car going; hospital appointments; other bits and pieces and when she first helped we were looking at eleven weeks! She must have spent so much time running about for me now. She won't take payment unless it's for a specific thing she has paid out for, just the odd bottle of wine which is not nearly enough and I'm still trying to work out what best to do - and it is preying more on my mind as time goes by. But I will do something. 

1.  It is enough as that is all they want.  To force payment on somebody when they have made it clear they don't want it can put severe strain on a friendship.

2..If you go against their wishes see 1 above.

snowbird20

as an older person (62), at some point I made need help from the lovely young thing across the road from me.  She's a dear and would help me (picking up groceries, etc) and I would want to pay her for her time and effort.  To me, it's no different than paying someone to clean or mow your lawn.

elsien

Steve_PL_too said:

Killjoy here ... £200pm x 12 months = £2,400 pa = potentially taxable income.  HMRC may decide you’re running a business. Then you might be into the realms of needing public liability insurance.  The charity route would seem a good idea if you don’t need the cash.

Not only this, but if she’s paying you £200 a month that technically makes her your employer with all the obligations that involves, or you self-employed, which I’m pretty sure neither of you want.
Would it make her reconsider if you pointed that out?
I agree with others that for her it’s about maintaining her independence and not wanting to rely on others without feeling like she’s giving something back.
Would it work better if she stuck some petrol in your car, that sort of thing, when you went out? 

TELLIT01

I'm not suggesting this is the intent, but if you are effectively being paid a monthly retainer/wage you could end being contacted at all hours and being expected to be available whenever they want you.

marlot

If you don't need the money, one option is for you or her to pay it to a local charity which you both support.

I usually do this when I give someone something.  eg. I gave a neighbour my petrol lawnmower.  When they asked about payment I said no.  When they insisted, I suggested they make a donation to the foodbank.  I don't want to know if they actually did it (I suspect they did) or how much.

marlot

PS. Thank you for making such a difference to this lady's life.

As my mother-in-law became frail, her lovely visiting hairdresser did more and more for her.  The money didn't matter to us, but knowing that someone local was dropping in on mother-in-law was a great comfort.

When my wife and I become frail, I'd love to think there was someone we could trust to do little things for us.  We have no children, and the last few years could be a bit tricky.

greyteam1959

The OP should have a look at the government website & claim Carers Allowance for the help they provide
Around £68 per week.

Solarjunkie

I've been in the same position and eventually agreed to some payment, much to the relief of the person involved. As they said, they had few ways to spend their income and would be paying someone else if they didn't pay me. I was threatened with being "sacked" and an agency enlisted as it made them feel uncomfortable being on the receiving end of the help without being able to reciprocate.  

Possibly a simple written statement that she would like to give you a token payment would make you feel better, but she is right, that is what she gets the benefits for! Accept with good grace, you obviously care about her wellbeing so you probably need to swallow your reservations and follow her wishes. 

MalMonroe

snowbird20 said:

as an older person (62), at some point I made need help from the lovely young thing across the road from me.  She's a dear and would help me (picking up groceries, etc) and I would want to pay her for her time and effort.  To me, it's no different than paying someone to clean or mow your lawn.

What nonsense. At 62 you are NOT an 'older person'. I am not an older person and I'm 71. Well, I don't consider myself old anyway. The 'lovely dear young thing' across the road may move before you need any help. For goodness' sake! Why would need any help? I'm still driving myself around and looking after myself quite nicely. Live for today, please don't start preparing for being dependent at such a young age, it makes me want to cry. (Sorry - that sounds a bit selfish.)

MalMonroe

I also helped my dear neighbour, who lived alone and died a couple of years ago. She had family who lived up the road but who didn't visit very often, although they were her paid carers, not me. I never even thought about it. 

I was the one who managed to get Attendance allowance for her after her first application was rejected, which enabled her family to access carers allowance. I also arranged and took her to her dental and medical appointments, and to the optician when they told her they would have to register her as blind (that was a shock, she was very good at fooling everyone that she could see when she couldn't). I also wanted to arrange for social services to help but she refused.

She paid me when I took her to hospital - petrol money, she said - she always gave £10 which was more than the petrol but she wouldn't take any change. 

But I wouldn't have wanted to be paid for anything else because I thought of us as being friends and you don't pay your friends to be friends and it would have felt awkward. I didn't want to be an employee or feel beholden.  

Your neighbour WILL take no for an answer, if you just keep saying it.