Sorting my girlfriends debts with her

Karonher

Can I just point out that my intention was not to suggest you cheat. There is no reason why she could not be a lodger without committing fraud. That would only happen if she started claiming other benefits to cover it. My concern was that if she moved in and paid you rent it could be seen as her contributing to the mortgage and her having an interest in the house. 

cooners

Karonher said:

Can I just point out that my intention was not to suggest you cheat. There is no reason why she could not be a lodger without committing fraud. That would only happen if she started claiming other benefits to cover it. My concern was that if she moved in and paid you rent it could be seen as her contributing to the mortgage and her having an interest in the house. 

She won't be paying rent. I'm making sure for now nothing looks like she's contributed towards the house. 

BabyStepper

I think you're going to have to lead your partner by the hand through all of this. Rather than sitting down together and trying to work out a plan, you'll need to have the plan all sorted and then present it to her as a solution. You don't know how big her debts are but you have some idea and they're not too huge. They're really just a symptom of her refusal to manage her money. This can take ages to change, even for people who are willing. 

If I were you, I'd do a rough plan of how the bills and finances will look once you live together. Tell her the costs, find out exactly what her income is, how you will share the bills, and how much she will have leftover to repay her debt. Then agree on 6 months or something where you will both manage your cash as if it has happened. Review it monthly. Feel free to put the brakes on living together until she has a better handle on the finances. 

In lots of relationships, one person manages the money (that'll be you, OP) while the other just gets the edited highlights, and helps make the big decisions (your partner). But both need to tow the line with the budget. Give her a chance to show you she can learn.     

[Deleted User]

Karonher said:

Can I just point out that my intention was not to suggest you cheat. There is no reason why she could not be a lodger without committing fraud. That would only happen if she started claiming other benefits to cover it. My concern was that if she moved in and paid you rent it could be seen as her contributing to the mortgage and her having an interest in the house. 

She would not be a lodger. Lodger’s don’t live as a single household with their landlords nor do they share a bed with their landlords much to @greatcrested’s chagrin. 

fatbelly

cooners said:
She won't be paying rent. I'm making sure for now nothing looks like she's contributed towards the house. 

That's absolutely the right attitude at this stage