Sorting my girlfriends debts with her

cooners

Me and my girlfriend are about to buy our first house and move in together.
I will be buying the house but she has debts that I want her to work on clearing.
Trouble is she won't talk about it. Everytime I bring it up she clams up and says it triggers her anxiety so change the subject. Because of this I do t know the true extent of these debts but from what I've worked out she owes electric, water & mobile phone (which she says she took out for a friend who couldn't get a contract and then they never paid the bill).
I know the electric is being taken care of via payments on her pre-pay meter, her water is added to her bill (I'm not actually sure she's paying it though) and the phone she totally ignored as she feels her old friend should pay it (I'm aware it doesn't work like that).
I think for what I've pieced together she has somewhere between £2k-£5k of debt.
When we move in together she won't be paying any of the bills but I don't want them added to my bills so when she moves in with me is there a way we can look at getting them reduced, rolled into one etc. 
Also I just want to make sure that if she still doesn't pay them I don't end up getting the house repossessed.
It's so frustrating because she just gets paid and blows all her money on tat and forgets about the bills. I've offered to help her a million times but she just won't deal with it

BeerSavesMoney

 If I’m honest this is more a question about your relationship. If your girlfriend can’t be honest about this with you then I wouldn’t be rushing into buying a first house together.

I’ve had problems with debt in the past and yes it did take a bit of courage to tell them about about the details but if you are considering buying together then being open and honest about it is the only way forward.

kimwp

Agreed, big red flag there.

yksi

Draw a line in the sand. You need to tell her that her money issues need to be tackled before you CAN buy and move in together. You do realise that money problems cause so many relationships to fail, right? You don't want to end up in a situation where you're stuck in the same home and things go wrong - better to get it sorted so that you have the best chance later on. The simple take on it is that you don't even think about joining your life and finances together with someone when you do not know what you're signing up for. You need to call her on this and see whether she is genuine about wanting to be with you. Anxiety is not a good enough reason for her to avoid the subject. I don't doubt that her anxiety is quite serious, but so is buying a house.

"Honey, I don't know if we can afford this until I understand the true picture of all your money stuffs. All of it. We need to tackle this first." And if she pushes back, then tell her the house buying is not happening. You're 100% right that this could financially bite you in the backside if you don't sort it out first.

fatbelly

It sounds like your girlfriend's attitude to money, and debt, is very ingrained. Once she leaves her property she is unlikely to clear the water, or electricity arrears, or the mobile phone debt. Is she up to date with council tax and rent or are these other debts that may follow?

Actually provided you are buying the house in your sole name with a mortgage in your sole name and you are not contemplating a joint loan, or current account, then there should be no effect on your credit file and no danger to the house. 

But you can expect a lot of debt collection letters through the letterbox and down the line you may need to fend off a bailiff or two.

If she contributes to the mortgage she can argue  about 'beneficial interest' at a later date and that could be an issue.

cooners

fatbelly said:

It sounds like your girlfriend's attitude to money, and debt, is very ingrained. Once she leaves her property she is unlikely to clear the water, or electricity arrears, or the mobile phone debt. Is she up to date with council tax and rent or are these other debts that may follow?

She gets ESA and PIP so luckily she doesn't pay rent and council tax or I have no doubt they'd be in the same state.
I find the whole thing hard to deal with as I was bought up to live within my means so the first thing I do when my wages come in is pay my bills.
She seems to treat bills as an afterthought, luckily she won't have to worry about that when we live together but I do want her to pay off what she's got

MovingForwards

You can't force her to pay anything off, she has to want to which she doesn't. You've been trying for nearly a year. Your options are:

Accept she won't pay them off, she moves in, lives on PIP money and you pay everything while waiting for the letters to get hidden and potentially it leads to court and bailiffs attending.

Or 

Accept she won't pay them off, don't have her move in.

You need to think about your own MH if taking the former option. Don't be tempted to pay her debts off or take finance to clear them, she won't learn and you can't afford it.

Sea_Shell

I'm with the others here on this.     

I don't think you should be moving in together whilst this issue is unresolved.

Even if the debt gets cleared and you move in together with a "clean sheet" is sounds like your differing attitudes to money will eventually surface, and could easily lead to more debt in the future.

MidsHollie

Also consider the impact that ‘household income’ has on her ESA & PIP. Many couples found out over COVID that if they were living together, they were expected to support each other financially and were unable to claim benefits that they would have been entitled to if they were not living together. 

I for one would not be sharing my home and life with someone who was not willing to share their financial situation with. If it is due to anxiety then she needs to be managing that in the appropriate way. Couples counselling might be worthwhile if you want to move past this? 

blues

I’d be running a mile from this relationship. It’s not so much the debts, it’s the refusal to talk about or address them. It probably won’t end well for you if you continue. Sorry.

Sncjw

Is she on a means tested esa. If so she could lose that as you will be treated as a couple.

Why is is she not paying any of the bills. If she is not giving bills a thought now how will she give it a thought when living with you. So she will be getting a house, fed, watered, heating, TV, Internet, electric but doesn't pay for it.

Sorry but it's a red flag and needs to grow up about bills. What about if she wants to do something fun she has the money but you don't because you have paid the bills but she expects you to pay your side of the fun.

You say she doesn't pay council tax or rent so I suspect lives with her parents. Is she Contributing anything to the cost of living together?