Did my father really leave us nothing, and am I entitled to anything- even a shirt of his?

Spendless

Marcon said:

Spendless said:

Was your Dad still married to his 2nd wife when he died or had she already died? Sorry, if I've missed it. Your post is long and you're clearly upset about the whole situation. What part of the U.K your Dad lived in, will be relevant too, I believe. 

Pretty clear from the post:

Natalief said:

He was subsequently transferred home to die in Dec 2019, and lived 5 days. I refused to leave his side despite his wife's scowls.

I tried with his wife, birthday cards, Christmas cards ,presents, but she's now blocked us all.

Aaahhh thanks. I was struggling to take in all the info from the long post. If it's England not likely to be anything that can be done, you're allowed to leave your assets  and possessions to who you want when you die.

Natalief

Hello people,
Please accept my sincere apologies for the late response to all your kind messages. I'm an extremely busy single parent and nurse, so not a quiet life at moment!
I also need to apologise for my long post. It's hard to fit details of 20years in to one post.
I guess all I wanted, was to know that both my brothers and I were thought of and loved by our dad, despite the distance. 
I have always wanted to feel I was loved, as a father usually does love their children. 
I've struggled with lack of feeling loved by him for over 20 years. 
He wasn't the most affectionate of men, and for as long as I've remembered, I've looked upon loving relationships between fathers and their daughters with envy. 
I guess by remaining with him whilst he died and being so involved when he deteriorated, I was hoping he'd say he'd always loved me in his dying days-as well as caring for him of course. 
So my question isn't about me being a bitter daughter of 44 years after money, nor about me being the hard done by, bullied step daughter. 
It's just that he's gone, and all I have is a Gillette razor of his. 
I know I should seek seeing someone re the consequences of feeling a lack of parental love, because it has damaged me. I throw myself into being the best mum and nurse I can be. 
I can't sit still, because if I do, I think, and people have noticed this. 
My dad and his wife lived in England. 
His wife is a narcissistic lady, who never liked me from day dot. That's not just me who says that. Members of her own family no longer speak to her because of her cruel actions towards others, but yes, you're right, my dad was weak. 
After he passed I asked if he had a will, she replied 'a mirror will' then I asked if I may have a shirt of his.... 1 Yr later, still nothing. I've no idea if he's got a grave! It just doesn't sit well with me. 
If I knew I was mentioned in his will, I'd find peace knowing he DID think of us. 
If not, my thoughts will be validated and I will have to accept the mental consequences. It can't be worse than the continual state of thinking I wasn't loved, or thought of, so what did I do wrong? 
I've always been told I'm too loving-if you can ever be that? 
But I thank you all for your helpful, kind advice without judgement. 

Natalief

FabFifty said:

Have you obtained a copy of your fathers will to check if anything was left to you or other members of your family.

Hi FabFifty.
Thanks for your comment. 
No I haven't, because I don't know how to. I know both of my brothers have not received anything. 

p00hsticks

Natalief said:

FabFifty said:

Have you obtained a copy of your fathers will to check if anything was left to you or other members of your family.

Hi FabFifty.
Thanks for your comment. 
No I haven't, because I don't know how to. I know both of my brothers have not received anything. 

If probate was required, you may be able to obtain a copy of his will from the probate office.

https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

But note that not all estates require probate, and not all probate records include copies of the will.

Marcon

Marcon said:

FabFifty said:

Have you obtained a copy of your fathers will to check if anything was left to you or other members of your family.

Your dad may have had a mirror will while he was married to your mother, but his divorce and subsequent remarriage would have automatically invalidated it.

Assuming he made a new will, you can download a copy for £1.50: https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

If he died intestate, see https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

Although you say his estate would be worth around £750K, remember that pensions and life cover normally fall outside the estate, and it is likely that his current wife will have been the beneficiary.

Where they lived may have been jointly owned - you can check for £3 via the Land Registry: https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/land-registry

Natalief said:

FabFifty said:

Have you obtained a copy of your fathers will to check if anything was left to you or other members of your family.

Hi FabFifty.
Thanks for your comment. 
No I haven't, because I don't know how to. I know both of my brothers have not received anything. 

 
Already given you the information to check - please see above.

pinkshoes

Natalief said:

2 years later they married, sold our family home, left my mother homeless with £1000 to 'set herself up'! and moved to be closer to her children 200 miles away. Our family home sold for 400K (20 yrs ago).

This seems really odd. How on Earth did your mum only end up with only £1000??

Was there no equity in the £400k family home? Because normally when they divorced this would have been an asset, and as your mum had less earning potential, she would have been awarded more than 50% of the equity and have a claim on some of his pension.


I would be focusing on the above, because it appears your mum should have been left with far more than £1000.


This new wife may be a narcissist, but ultimately your dad made his own decisions and you need to accept that. 

Manxman_in_exile

I thought mum only ending up with £1000 sounded odd too.  It would have been a divorce in the late '90s (if I've understood the OP's dates correctly), and I don't see how that would be all that mum was left with?

The OP hasn't explained it very well, but I presume that mum must have got her share of the £400k house. I don't see how she couldn't - net of any outstanding mortgage.

Bit late to do anything now even if she didn't get what she should have done.