Did my father really leave us nothing, and am I entitled to anything- even a shirt of his?

Natalief

Hello people,
My father died suddenly in 2019. I was with him throughout his dying days- despite me living 200 miles away from him.
I am 44 and have 2 full brothers and we were brought up by my mother for 20 years (whilst dad worked or tinkered in the garage!) .
It was a loving home, until my mum went through the menopause prematurely at 43- and said she needed space. My father did not want it, but called her bluff and said, if you want space, we'll divorce. Mum didn't want that. However my father left to go on holiday for 2 weeks with my brothers. Only to come back with gifts to reconcile with my mum (my mother, till this day does not know this). However, whilst on holiday, my father was pursued by a woman 10 years his junior, who lived 200 miles away- that didn't stop her. Every night she called my dad (I remember vividly. My dad reluctantly took the call). I'm sure there was a degree of rubbing my mother's nose in it. She eventually wore him down.
She lived in a council property with 2 children up north for her whole life. She was happily settled there.
On her first visit to our home she rearranged our furniture, and took an instant disliking to me ( I could see her agenda straight away).
2 years later they married, sold our family home, left my mother homeless with £1000 to 'set herself up'! and moved to be closer to her children 200 miles away. Our family home sold for 400K (20 yrs ago).
My mother, was and is the best. She was the typical housewife, and both my brothers and I adore her. We eventually got her a little council flat, where she sits and relies on her pension for food and bills etc.
Despite my anger at the situation , he remained my father and the grandfather of my daughter, so we remained in contact for the next 20 yrs. In his words "I can't get down to see you kids as ...... needs me to do x y or z" Basically, he was a highly intelligent , but weak man.
In 2019 he was diagnosed with Non hodgkins lymphoma with a high chance of cure. In Sept 2019 he was cancer free.
I remained the loving daughter that I had always been, I craved his love (I don't know why). Then in Nov 2019 I knew something was wrong, and knew before his wife ,of his diagnosis (I spoke to his consultant) .I also need to add here, that I too am a nurse , and am fully aware of the signs of deterioration and terminal illness).
He was subsequently transferred home to die in Dec 2019, and lived 5 days. I refused to leave his side despite his wife's scowls.
And so he passed, which I'm still dealing with. In fact I can't stop dreaming of him at the moment and have just had a little cry.
 I think being a single mum , nurse, and being thrown in to a pandemic was enough to distract my mind!
I have many problems here, and I pray someone could guide me, as I'm losing my mind.
My dad had a mirror will, his estate would be worth over £750 K now, he had a private pension and life insurance. He was highly intelligent.
Both my brothers and I were left dumbfounded when we were given nothing, absolutely nothing when he passed. Not even a keepsake. I have asked if I could have a shirt of his, or a small bit of his ashes. No.
And so, the father I loved for 44 years, knowing i struggled financially as a single mum, knowing I loved him, it appears left nothing.
My mum always loved him, and is mentally struggling with the idea that the man she loved , the father of his children, and knowing his wealth, didn't look out for us after death.
Now it looks likely everything will go to HER children. My mother even wrote a letter to his wife offering peace, she declined to reply.
Just before he died, she told me that her daughter was more of a daughter than I. She didn't know she was on loud speaker.
So, whilst both my mother and I struggle mentally, we've all lost a man that we loved, but it looks like he didn't love us back.
I feel for my poor mother who raised us, yet had nothing, and still has nothing, and I feel for my daughter too, as, to her, her grandfather is dust.
All I want is a shirt or something, to make a pillow out of.
Does anybody out there know, does this mirror will mean she gets everything, and neither my brothers or I have nothing. Only memories?
I tried with his wife, birthday cards, Christmas cards ,presents, but she's now blocked us all.
I just can't see , my dad leaving nothing to us? We were his kids and we were never estranged, so I don't understand that kind of father? the one that just leaves this earth, and doesn't think of his children.
I'm so sorry for the long post, but I just needed to ask, and talk if I'm honest. 
I miss the man it appears I never knew for 44 years.
Thank you in advance.

p00hsticks

I'm sorry for your loss.

As far as I can see (and your post is quite long, so apologies if I've missed it), you don't say what your fathers will actually says ?

Mirror wills just mean that there are two wills that are identical except that the names are swapped. Whilst it's possible that each leaves everything to the other spouse, it's also possible that both wills make provision for children as well - for example, by leaving the marital property to the children but with the proviso that the spounse can continue to live their for life.

Having said that, it seems that your fathers death was over a year ago, so presumably you would be aware fo the contents of the will by now if you had been left anything.

wannabe_a_saver

I hate to speak ill of the dead, but you talk about your dad's wife as though she were the one making his decisions for him, that's wrong, only he was responsible for his choices. 

Unfortunately you will now have to come to terms with the sad reality that he was not the man you wanted him to be and hoped he was.  It sounds like this was clear over 20 years ago but you were hanging on to hope, now the hope has been shattered.  

I'm sorry for your loss, both of the dad you actually had and the dad you wished he was. 

Marcon

Natalief said:

2 years later they married, sold our family home, left my mother homeless with £1000 to 'set herself up'! and moved to be closer to her children 200 miles away. Our family home sold for 400K (20 yrs ago).

With all due respect, that sounds a most unusual financial settlement when two parties divorce. It's too late now to revisit, but you have to accept that your mother was willing to go along with it for whatever reason. You can't live someone else's life for them, and doubtless she had her reasons.

I'm afraid that as you say, it does sound as if your father was a weak man. He seems to have allowed himself to be influenced rather too much by his new wife - but you can't change someone, however fervently you might wish you could (father or stepmother). 

If probate was granted more than 6 months ago (and it sounds probable, if your father died in 2019), you are too late to even contemplate making a claim under the Inheritance Act. There's never any guarantee such a claim would succeed, but if you are still 'in time' to do so, it may be worth a short fixed-fee chat with a solicitor. The possibilty of such a move might at least motivate your stepmother to hand over some keepsakes. 

FabFifty

Have you obtained a copy of your fathers will to check if anything was left to you or other members of your family.

Marcon

FabFifty said:

Have you obtained a copy of your fathers will to check if anything was left to you or other members of your family.

Your dad may have had a mirror will while he was married to your mother, but his divorce and subsequent remarriage would have automatically invalidated it.

Assuming he made a new will, you can download a copy for £1.50: https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

If he died intestate, see https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

Although you say his estate would be worth around £750K, remember that pensions and life cover normally fall outside the estate, and it is likely that his current wife will have been the beneficiary.

Where they lived may have been jointly owned - you can check for £3 via the Land Registry: https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/land-registry

74jax

Natalief said:

My father died suddenly in 2019. 
It was a loving home, until my mum went through the menopause prematurely at 43- and said she needed space. My father did not want it, but called her bluff and said, if you want space, we'll divorce. Mum didn't want that. However my father left to go on holiday for 2 weeks with my brothers. Only to come back with gifts to reconcile with my mum (my mother, till this day does not know this). However, whilst on holiday, my father was pursued by a woman 10 years his junior, who lived 200 miles away- that didn't stop her. Every night she called my dad (I remember vividly. My dad reluctantly took the call). I'm sure there was a degree of rubbing my mother's nose in it. She eventually wore him down.
She lived in a council property with 2 children up north for her whole life. She was happily settled there.
On her first visit to our home she rearranged our furniture, and took an instant disliking to me ( I could see her agenda straight away).
2 years later they married, sold our family home, left my mother homeless with £1000 to 'set herself up'! and moved to be closer to her children 200 miles away. Our family home sold for 400K (20 yrs ago).

In 2019 he was diagnosed with Non hodgkins lymphoma with a high chance of cure. In Sept 2019 he was cancer free. Then in Nov 2019 I knew something was wrong, and knew before his wife ,of his diagnosis (I spoke to his consultant) .I also need to add here, that I too am a nurse , and am fully aware of the signs of deterioration and terminal illness).
He was subsequently transferred home to die in Dec 2019, and lived 5 days. I refused to leave his side despite his wife's scowls.
My dad had a mirror will, his estate would be worth over £750 K now, he had a private pension and life insurance. He was highly intelligent.
Both my brothers and I were left dumbfounded when we were given nothing, absolutely nothing when he passed. Not even a keepsake. I have asked if I could have a shirt of his, or a small bit of his ashes. No.
Now it looks likely everything will go to HER children. My mother even wrote a letter to his wife offering peace, she declined to reply.
So, whilst both my mother and I struggle mentally, we've all lost a man that we loved, but it looks like he didn't love us back.
I feel for my poor mother who raised us, yet had nothing, and still has nothing, and I feel for my daughter too, as, to her, her grandfather is dust.
Does anybody out there know, does this mirror will mean she gets everything, and neither my brothers or I have nothing. 
I tried with his wife, birthday cards, Christmas cards ,presents, but she's now blocked us all.
I just can't see , my dad leaving nothing to us? We were his kids and we were never estranged, so I don't understand that kind of father? the one that just leaves this earth, and doesn't think of his children.

It must be really hard, however you may just have to accept yes it was what your dad wanted.
I can understand the new wife not wanting anything to do with you mum - I'm sorry, but I can understand it.  She will have heard your dad's side and may have resentment there.  But ultimately nothing of this is her fault either.  It appears your dad and his new wife were together 20 years, I can understand him wanting to provide for her.
Have you seen the will? apologies but I don't think you mentioned it so I think if I was you, I would want to know what was in it and know that was his final wishes.  Without seeing the will you are going on someones 'say so' which is causing you so much heartache.
You say you don't know what kind of father does this, it doesn't mean he's a bad father, was a bad father or that he didn't love you.  It means he wanted to provide for his wife and ensure she was left ok.  I admit, not leaving you 'anything' is harsh, but maybe you need to keep the memories alive and cherish those....
You mum was the one who wanted space, from that decision your dad went on and had his head turned.  You parents may have had many sad and argumentative years together had they not divorced - the fact is no-one knows, it's guesswork what 'might' have happened.  
You say he was highly intelligent, he would have understood what he was doing - but maybe to put your mind at ease get a copy of the will, make sure it is all above board and somehow you will have to build up the pieces of this slowly if the will turns out to be legal.

naedanger

If by any chance your late father lived in Scotland then that would be relevant as you could claim certain legal rights from your late father's moveable estate. 

TBagpuss

Your post is rather long but as I read it you are saying your dad left everything to his wife, and didn't leave anything to your or his other children or grandchildren?

generally speaking, people can leave their assets as they wish, there isn't any entitlement for a child or grandchild to inherit (except in limited situations such as where they are minors or otherwise dependent on the person who has died) 

If he and your step-mum had mirror wills then it is possible that her will may  provide for you as well as her children to inherit when she dis, but there would not normally be anything to prevent her changing her will if she choses to do so.

Spendless

Was your Dad still married to his 2nd wife when he died or had she already died? Sorry, if I've missed it. Your post is long and you're clearly upset about the whole situation. What part of the U.K your Dad lived in, will be relevant too, I believe. 

Marcon

Spendless said:

Was your Dad still married to his 2nd wife when he died or had she already died? Sorry, if I've missed it. Your post is long and you're clearly upset about the whole situation. What part of the U.K your Dad lived in, will be relevant too, I believe. 

Pretty clear from the post:

Natalief said:

He was subsequently transferred home to die in Dec 2019, and lived 5 days. I refused to leave his side despite his wife's scowls.

I tried with his wife, birthday cards, Christmas cards ,presents, but she's now blocked us all.