Getting partner on board

Alltheeggs

Hi all,
Sorry if this isn't the right place for this. I'm feeling really inspired by your diaries to try to start making some overpayments on our mortgage. Unfortunately my partner is very much more of a "spender" and struggles with delayed gratification. From her perspective the mortgage is so big that we'll basically always be paying it, so why scrimp and save now? I'm going to try with some overpayment calculators but does anyone have any tips or helpful resources for talking about this? She also steadfastly refuses to budget, and because we do have comfortable incomes and live within our means it's hard to raise the issue.
Thanks in advance!

Grabs39

This is my go-to.  For example, by overpaying £200 a month I will save £28,000 in interest and pay off the mortgage 9 years quicker.  https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/mortgages/mortgage-overpayment-calculator/

I look at it as part of a bigger picture.  This is part of a plan to retire "early".  We're 28/29 so our pension age will probably be 69.  Do we want to still have to work full time at 69? 

We hope to pay off the mortgage by 50 and retire comfortably at 60, with a possibility of reduced hours in our mid-late 50s if my pension investments perform well enough.

rugbymadfamily

Hi @Alltheeggs I had a similar situation with my husband. In the end, I also used the OP calculator which someone has posted to show how much interest we would save, meaning we would pay the mortgage off early and the  could think about retiring earlier, or at least slowing down to PT work or something instead. I think even showing the impact that a small overpayment makes was what bought my husband around. The calculator showed that a £50 per month overpayment would save us £5k in interest and knock a year off the mortgage! He was amazed at what a difference a small amount would make, he had assumed massive payments were needed whereas in reality, even small payments really do help!

jennystarpepper

What helped me. 

Little things like knowing how much your daily interest is.   
Deciding how old you would like to be when you retire. 
Any life goals... do you want to celebrate important birthdays, 40th, 50th and so on by doing something special. 
What you will actually repay over the life of the mortgage, as grabs39 said.

Can you maybe agree to start a small amount to overpay, or agree you will 'round-up' your change from your bank accounts and throw that at it as a compromise?

 Don't know what to suggest about the budgeting, other than asking if you have an emergency fund?  I know some people do not want to plan for the future just because it can be thought of something people do later in life /  what older people do (not everyone), but she maybe feels she is not at that stage in life yet!

powerspowers

My OH was a bit sceptical but not outright hostile to the idea of overpaying the mortgage. I was messing with numbers one night and he joked that I was trying to get our mortgage paid off in a year. I answered in all seriousness that we could pay it off in 2.5 if we threw every spare penny at it. He didn’t believe me, we went through all the numbers and he was gobsmacked.  I think he just assumed that it was normal to take 20 years he’d never really thought about it being possible for it to only take a few. 

He’s been 100% on board since. We are moving to a more expensive property and are taking longer over it, but still aiming for 8-10 years. 

Your mileage may vary! Hope you can find a compromise between quick gratication and a long term plan 🙂

Alltheeggs

Thanks for the replies  I have some money aside for an emergency fund so we have that.

I’ll try and have a chat about life goals and hopefully find a happy medium. I think I’d be happy with small overpayments if part of a bigger plan...
Thanks for the motivation!

getmore4less

Mortgage is probably not the real problem(on repayment it does as she says sort itself out) its the refusal to budget (planning)

If you don't have a budget how do you know how much to overpay?

MY usual suggestion(covid makes it nor quite a normal period) to this is review the last 12months spending.

Add up all the income for one year 
Then try to work out where it went  doing annual totals.
The SOA format is quite good to get an initial set of categories.
https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php
See how much you just cannot account for

Start tracking all spending from now on.

The biggest problem many have setting budgets and goals  is not knowing where the money goes so you ned to do this anyway

Once you know where all your money goes you can look for where it haemorrhages(spends that have no value)  and look at priorities.

Often when comfortable money leaks all over the place and there is not a lot left for bigger goals later.
Goal setting is the other angle,  won't you ever want to move to a bigger place, any plans for kids, retire at 50.

they all need a budget(plan) and can work back from the goal.

House might be the easy one if bigger how much will it cost do you need to save can you afford the bigger mortgage,  can test that by paying what you think it will be now(overpay).

GO over every spend and MSE it,  utilities are often a leak, mobiles can be a big one,  TV packages, do you use them how much overlap,  paying things monthly you never use or cost a lot more than paying annually

even if you don't need to do it why not free up money for other things it does not have to be saving what about an extra holiday

If you do  a SOA people can point at the big holes,  

Chiglepig

@Alltheeggs, it's difficult when you are 'living comfortably', I know because my husband and I did it for years - everything was covered, what's the issue? I think it has to be slow, just get your partner on board with one thing at a time. For us, the mortgage over payment was about reduction of years rather than the saved interest (although the saved interest is AWESOME), but perhaps you need to help to visualise the choices rather than just talking about overpaying? And not just over payment calculators, but something concrete - our motivation (and everyone has a different motivation)  is that our mortgage over payments form a reserve that we can draw on, so they are part of our emergency fund.

Struggling with delayed gratification is a problem, but in our experience, it's also an age thing - I'm in my late 40s - I have more that enough 'stuff 'and I have reached a point of not giving a fig for what other people think - ours is the oldest, crappy-est car on our road - and that includes the new teenaged drivers! So I don't know what age you both are, but it may change - especially if she stays away from Instagram!

rugbymadfamily

@Alltheeggs definitely take on board @getmore4less advice. He commented something similar on one of my first posts and I've taken it on board...it has revolutionised our finances!

getmore4less

rugbymadfamily said:

@Alltheeggs definitely take on board @getmore4less advice. He commented something similar on one of my first posts and I've taken it on board...it has revolutionised our finances!

thanks....

should have added,  be careful of it becoming a judgment competition.

once you are tracking you may be surprised  or even shocked where the money is going not only your own but the OH.

this is not about what you spend on but what you want to spend going forward making goal and plans and looking at priorities.

financial success is often more about the spending that the income

Moneyminded

Another way you might choose to approach the conversation is to talk to your partner about balance or ratios of spending/ saving/ investing. 
Perhaps you can agree what %age of your disposable income you will

• each spend per month (fun money)
• save (say towards a holiday, new car or by overpaying the mortgage), and
• invest (pensions, ISAs, etc for the long term)

That way if incomes go up or down you just keep the ratio the same over time. 
Good luck with getting your partner on board