Help! Potential divorce dilemma.

Thrugelmir

SMB871 said:

Even if I had spousal maintenance, I don’t think our mortgage provider would necessarily allow it, but it is something I intend to explore. 

The mortgage remains in joint names. 

Cypruseast

I have been through a divorce myself and agree with a poster above that every scenario like this is different so I have no intention of offering you any advice from my own personal situation. However, there are a couple of things I think are critical right now.

1. You are going through counselling, and I hope you both are entering that with positive mindsets and the aspiration to make the relationship work. I can assure you that both of your future mental, emotional and economic health’s will benefit from giving this all you have. A break up like this will shake the normal person to their core and I think you both owe it to your child to give it absolutely all you have.

2. Take time, you have time, pay all the bills, keep the roof over your head and make no rash decisions. It seems to me that you’re already quite a few steps down the road and I refer you back to point 1.

3. If and only if you exhaust all avenues and you both decide that to separate is the best course of action then you immediately go and seek the advice of a good solicitor. Ask around and make sure you find a competent sokoto it or even if they cost a bit more it will be worth it in the end. The law is stacked in the favour of a mum with a child (I was the Dad so I know lol!!) so let them guide you and tell you what is realistic for you. Do not use Google or calculators at this stage, speak to a solicitor when and if it is necessary.

4. Continue to work as a team, you have a kid and if you’re relationship has any hope then you need to continue to communicate and work together. Try and look at this as a huge challenge but one where if you both give your all and come out the other end then you will benefit hugely from it. 

SMB871

Cypruseast said:

I have been through a divorce myself and agree with a poster above that every scenario like this is different so I have no intention of offering you any advice from my own personal situation. However, there are a couple of things I think are critical right now.

1. You are going through counselling, and I hope you both are entering that with positive mindsets and the aspiration to make the relationship work. I can assure you that both of your future mental, emotional and economic health’s will benefit from giving this all you have. A break up like this will shake the normal person to their core and I think you both owe it to your child to give it absolutely all you have.

2. Take time, you have time, pay all the bills, keep the roof over your head and make no rash decisions. It seems to me that you’re already quite a few steps down the road and I refer you back to point 1.

3. If and only if you exhaust all avenues and you both decide that to separate is the best course of action then you immediately go and seek the advice of a good solicitor. Ask around and make sure you find a competent sokoto it or even if they cost a bit more it will be worth it in the end. The law is stacked in the favour of a mum with a child (I was the Dad so I know lol!!) so let them guide you and tell you what is realistic for you. Do not use Google or calculators at this stage, speak to a solicitor when and if it is necessary.

4. Continue to work as a team, you have a kid and if you’re relationship has any hope then you need to continue to communicate and work together. Try and look at this as a huge challenge but one where if you both give your all and come out the other end then you will benefit hugely from it. 

I completely agree. I’m still 100% committed to making this relationship work and last. Unfortunately my Husband doesn’t seem anywhere near as keen. I’m trying to encourage him, without overwhelming or pressuring him. Tricky balance.

I do like to be prepared, and one of my ways of coping with these situations is to plan and understand how my future looks, hence the questions no rash decisions will be made on my part. I just need to know we’ll be ok. 

Thank you so much for your time and advice.

Alexland

SMB871 said:

I probably should have mentioned that i would intend to live with my parents for 6 months, and hope that by that time I have enough professional advice to be able to make the best decisions. 

I'm not a divorce lawyer but I suspect you might be in a stronger position if the property remains your (and the child's) family home. Unless you are at any risk of domestic abuse then I suggest you get proper legal advice before vacating the property to live with your parents. I know a couple of guys at work who are still having to pay towards their old family home while the mother and child are living there.