My partner hates his job

sunflower1980

My partner has been in his job 8 years. He does 12 hour shifts, nights and days and he absolutely hates it.
The claims that his manager unfairly gives him the worst jobs even though he’s the most experienced but he cannot talk to his manager about it as he is unapproachable. He hasn’t been tried.

He also has to work weekends which he hates and also they have started to force them to do overtime to cover sickness which he also hates.

He just doesn’t want to be there anymore. He keeps hinting at taking time off work because he feels like he’s close to a breakdown but I don’t see how this will help as he had time off at Christmas and when he went back he felt twice as bad.

He cannot swap jobs because he needs the money to pay off some big loans he got years ago and we are in the process of selling our house and buying a new one so don’t want to jeopardise the mortgage by moving jobs or having loads of sickness.
I’ve tried listening and consoling him but to be honest I struggle to do this because I don’t understand why he doesn’t enjoy the job. Is he just scared of hard work?

I’ve told him to ring a help line to talk if I’m not supporting him but he shot that down. I just need him to go to work and support me until his loans are paid off and he can move jobs.

I don’t know how else to support him...

elsien

Not wanting to do 12 hour shifts, plus overtime plus working weekends doesn’t mean some one is afraid of hard work. It means they’d probably quite like a bit more work/life balance. 

Why does he need to go to work to support you? Do you not work?
Personally if I was so unhappy I’d look for another job, take longer to pay off the loans and if that means delaying a move then so be it.

sunflower1980

I do work, when I mean support me, I mean to pay the bills as I cannot do this on my own.
He cannot find a job with a lower wage as it would not be enough to pay his loans.

BoBoDobie

I think life’s too short to be miserable and even if he can’t move jobs immediately because of jeopardising your house move then you/he could be putting plans in place to look for something else after you’ve moved . 

Could he talk to hr at he firm about his issues?

Is there there anyway of speaking to the loan companies to get them reduced or at least to get them to accept lesser payments for a while? They want their money so might be willing to work with you?

TBagpuss

I think the two of you need to sit down and discuss options. 

• How realistic is it for him to find another job paying at a similar rate? If that's possible, then maybe agree that as soon as you have moved house, he will start looking with a view to changing jobs asap - having a timescale to work with may help him cope with the issues in the mean time 

• If any change of jobs would mean that you would struggle to cover the mortgage and other costs, then sit down with a detailed budget and consider other options - for instance, choosing not to move at present (if the move means taking on a bigger mortgage), you looking for ways to increase your income so your joint income remains similar, both of you looking at other ways to reduce your outgoings etc. Maybe look at the debt free boards here for advice on cutting your costs and managing the debt.

• How far along are you with selling the house? Maybe staying put and giving him time to find a new job that he doesn't hate, would be a sensible option. Obviously not a choice if you have already exchanged contracts but if you haven't, maybe discuss whether it makes sense to take the house off the market, focus on his finding a new job, then try again once he has been in the new job for 6 months or so. 

• Has he spoken to his GP ? The combination of his feeling picked on at work and also feeling unable to raise his concerns with his manager and feeling trapped in a job he hates may be contributing to, or exacerbated by, illness such as depression .

• You say you can't understand why he hates the job but he has given you some pretty powerful reasons - he doesn't like having to work such long shifts, having to work weekends, being forced / pressurised to do overtime, and feeling that he is given all the worst jobs. Surely the question is why on earth he, or anyone, would LIKE a job under those circumstances? 

• If part of the problem is paying off debt, have the two of you looked at whether there are other options - for instance, looking at whether consolidating the loans and paying them off over a longer period, to reduce the monthly outgoings to amore affordable level might be possible. It's not ideal, and may mean it is more expensive in the long run, but if his current job is making him ill then that has to be part if the consideration.

• If you are planning to move to a larger property, is something like taking in a lodger an option? this might help you fill the gap between his current, and any new but less well paid, job.

You say he needs to support you by paying his share but I think that goes both ways - you need to support him by acknowledging that his situation with his current job is real and important, and looking at ways that you as a couple can address that which don't  just involve him sucking it up regardless of how unhappy he is.  

gettingtheresometime

Then if he's unhappy in his job but needs to stay there because of the loans he needs to deal with the loans  
Can overpayments be made on the loans? If they can, he needs to take a look hard look at his budget and cut back where ever possible so the freed up money can be thrown at the loans. If overpayments can't be made, then the freed up money needs to be saved so eventually the loans can be paid off early when he's saved sufficiently.
Could you get him to post on the debt free wannabe board? People there will gladly offer their help .
If he feels he's being proactive in solving the root cause of his unhappiness then perhaps he will feel better about work

moneysavinghero

Are you downsizing, upsizing or pretty much staying the same?

comeandgo

I think you have your priorities all wrong.  Your partners health and well-being must rank before debt repayments.  Is he paid his full wages when off sick?  Maybe a two week break will help him or at least allow him time to look for another job.

JustAnotherSaver

Sympathise totally with the guy tbh. In a very similar boat. 

I bet people tell him to change jobs like its as easy as changing your socks. If you don't know what to do then I can tell you what not to do and that's to tell him to 'just change jobs' as it is unlikely to help. 

theoretica

A job you hate can be really draining - which is a particular problem when you are too drained to job hunt effectively.  And that sounds like what he should be doing, maybe you could support him with this?  How soon are you moving? Job hunting isn't instantaneous, so can start before you actually move and it is worth getting his CV into shape and tailoring different versions for different jobs and beginning keeping an eye on adverts for ideas about what might be a good match.

pat1976

Agree with all the above, unless this seems temporary (maybe due to covid) your husband needs to think about looking for another job. He needs to see what his expected salary is and you need to budget accordingly.

It sounds like if he stays where he is long term he'll end up on the sick, then let go and on benefits so things will be much worse for you both and he'll have a much harder time finding a job. 

Your idea of speaking to someone about his problems is an excellent one and it's a shame he's rejected it. His idea of a counsellor may be very out of date, if he'd just try it it might help. Can you have that as your single point of concession, if he engages in counselling you'll accept he's trying and say nothing more? It may take the burden off you too.

I hope you're able to get through this and your husband recovers.