Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my struggling uncle he doesn't need to give me gifts?

Clarity2

Yes, I think it's a good thing to do. I've never taken it amiss when people have said that to me. Send him a nice thank-you card and in it say something about how happy you are to hear from him on your birthday/Christmas but there is really no need to send a gift. Simple as that. 

NanaPam

Your uncle might well be very upset by any refusal of his gift so just make sure you buy him something he wants/needs for his birthday.   This will not hurt his pride and make him feel you care about him.

Butterfly_

I would thank him for his kindness but say to look after himself instead. My husband and I are skint but he still insists on giving his sister's 4 kids money, even though we can't manage ourselves. Your uncle, like my husband, feels he ought to, rather than he wants to.

1_Of_Another_Kind

I think without any doubt that you should tell him that he doesn't 'need' to buy you gifts. Say that you care for him and this is one of the reasons, you don't want him to be more financially stressed. I would then go out of my way by initiating contact with him for a while to put his mind at ease. 

[Deleted User]

Likely the uncle wants to do it as a way of keeping in touch and the money is the only way he can do that.  Why not pop round and take him out to lunch with the money?  Or tell him you that you're a working adult and thank him for the money over the years and that it's meant a lot but you don't need it and would like to know he's spending it on himself.  Keep in touch - bet that's what's really at the bottom of it.   

meknowalot-51

He sends you money twice a year so you should call him as often as you can and thank him for the money.The gifts are his way of keeping the bond between the two of you,stay in contact and let him know that your dads and his issues have nothing to do with the two of you.Diplomacy,when all this is lifted go out for a drink with him and have a proper face to face chat.

gloriouslyhappy

meknowalot-51 said:

"He sends you money twice a year so you should call him as often as you can and thank him for the money.The gifts are his way of keeping the bond between the two of you,stay in contact and let him know that your dads and his issues have nothing to do with the two of you.Diplomacy,when all this is lifted go out for a drink with him and have a proper face to face chat."

Beremy said:

"Likely the uncle wants to do it as a way of keeping in touch and the money is the only way he can do that.  Why not pop round and take him out to lunch with the money?  Or tell him you that you're a working adult and thank him for the money over the years and that it's meant a lot but you don't need it and would like to know he's spending it on himself.  Keep in touch - bet that's what's really at the bottom of it."

Agree with both of these, the money is his way of keeping in touch despite his issues with your dad. When lockdown’s lifted, meet him face to face and have a good chat about things. These things are always easier in person.

MMarti

Here is my suggestion - (I am from a large family with VERY varied circumstances) Write him a letter and say how great it is to hear from him and so appreciate him keeping in touch. Perhaps you could say that everyone is struggling at the moment and tell him that it is the card and the contact that matters so you are letting "everyone" know that the present you most want is a card or letter with their news and good wishes and you hope that sits ok with him. Keep it light-hearted and tell him you have already spent his money on something. When you write it, he has time to read it, mull it over and isn't put on the spot to come up with a reply immediately as in a conversation.

pickledonionspaceraider

You can tell him that you don't wish to swap presents.  We dont need to purchase stuff for each other to show love.

Mind you, even telling someone straight - nicely -  doesn't always work.

Some people seem insistent on sending gifts - personally I am not a fan of receiving gifts from wider family and have asked many times for them to not send, they really don't need to - not a fan of physical stuff 

Garydav

Why not use it to buy something for him that he could use but wouldn't be too obvious?