I Need Help

DCFC79

Jamesyb123 said:

Cwoodsey1989 said:

We are just separated, I can’t really afford to pay for a divorce, I’ve printed off my credit file so will make a start and see what happens next 

You could also approach her and advise that you’re choices are bankruptcy, living on the streets or reporting the fraud and her taking responsibility or she pays it and it’s taken no further. You’ve mentioned she’s the mother of your children well you are the father of her children and she should not want you to be going through this. I would give her the ultimatum and hopefully she shows you as much care as you show her and hopefully some remorse too. Good luck with it all, may also be worth speaking to a debt charity they aren’t just there for people who can’t pay their debts they can also give general advice especially in your situation which I’m sure isn’t unique it’s highly likely this happens between a lot of separated couples.

OP I might give this a try, if you plant the seed you will report it as fraud she may cough up/ start paying whats owed.

[Deleted User]

OP sorry to be blunt but you have a choice of 2 things
1) If you want the firms to understand it was credit taken out in your name by your ex and not your debt, you MUST report it as fraud to the police, it may not result in prosecution but it has to be done
2) You pay the debts in your name and suck it up

There is no way to get debts removed from your record unless you are willing to treat it as fraud (which it is). Your ex is a criminal, like it or not, and a police action like a caution or even community service could be a wake up call for her. You will not, in any circumstances, end up with a clean record and not paying the debts unless you take it seriously and take the proper steps.

sourcrates

As you say, you can’t report this as fraud, as she is the mother of your children, regardless of what she may have done, you don’t want to make this situation any worse, or more complicated than it already is.

Try and find out how much debt there is, and how many creditors there are, once you have that information, I suggest you write to each one explaining the situation you find yourself in, explain it was done without your knowledge, and that your ex was responsible for it.

Does your ex have any mental health issues?  Or suffer from depression or anxiety or anything of that nature ?

Ultimately that’s about all you can do, stick to your guns, but it could be in the long run you may have to defend a court claim, if that happens you would defend any claim on the same basis, hopefully it won’t come to that.

MalMonroe

Cwoodsey1989 said:

Hi, hopefully someone can point me in the right direction or help me out. I was in a relationship for 17 years, 4 kids, married, always worked, I used to let my wife deal with all the bills and gave her all my money each week. We have been separated a few years now and I am getting so many companies chasing for money as she took all sorts out in my name. We moved house quite a lot of time as she said she couldn’t settle “ more like running away from debts”. I have no idea what i can do or what companies have had things taken out in my name. Can anyone point me in the right direction ❤️

You need to talk to your ex. Does she work? You say you have always worked but has she? With four children to raise when you were together, probably not. Who has been managing your money since you separated a few years ago?

You will need to find out what exactly your ex has used your name for and make records of companies and amounts before you can start to put things right. 

I don't think you should blame your ex either - she is probably suffering from depression (and could have been suffering for a long time too) and really who could blame her? It's a terrible situation for her to be in, lots of debt and separated from two of her children. You certainly cannot report her to the police or anyone else for fraud - and shame on anyone for even suggesting that. You both made the mess and now you have to pull together to get out of it. But it sounds like you really haven't spoken and that is what you need to do. Even if only for the wellbeing of your children. They can't be happy - going from a family of six to two small families of three. Time for both of you to take responsibility for all of your children. I feel so sorry for them being caught up in this terrible situation.

I agree with eskbanker that you could do worse than contact Citizens Advice. See what benefits you are both entitled to and work together to solve the problems. They are not just her problems. Here's CA link https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

That's the direction I would point you in and hope that it does help.

Jamesyb123

MalMonroe said:

Cwoodsey1989 said:

Hi, hopefully someone can point me in the right direction or help me out. I was in a relationship for 17 years, 4 kids, married, always worked, I used to let my wife deal with all the bills and gave her all my money each week. We have been separated a few years now and I am getting so many companies chasing for money as she took all sorts out in my name. We moved house quite a lot of time as she said she couldn’t settle “ more like running away from debts”. I have no idea what i can do or what companies have had things taken out in my name. Can anyone point me in the right direction ❤️

You need to talk to your ex. Does she work? You say you have always worked but has she? With four children to raise when you were together, probably not. Who has been managing your money since you separated a few years ago?

You will need to find out what exactly your ex has used your name for and make records of companies and amounts before you can start to put things right. 

I don't think you should blame your ex either - she is probably suffering from depression (and could have been suffering for a long time too) and really who could blame her? It's a terrible situation for her to be in, lots of debt and separated from two of her children. You certainly cannot report her to the police or anyone else for fraud - and shame on anyone for even suggesting that. You both made the mess and now you have to pull together to get out of it. But it sounds like you really haven't spoken and that is what you need to do. Even if only for the wellbeing of your children. They can't be happy - going from a family of six to two small families of three. Time for both of you to take responsibility for all of your children. I feel so sorry for them being caught up in this terrible situation.

I agree with eskbanker that you could do worse than contact Citizens Advice. See what benefits you are both entitled to and work together to solve the problems. They are not just her problems. Here's CA link https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

That's the direction I would point you in and hope that it does help.

Shame on people for making suggestions? Myself in particular listed it as an option along with other less serious options. You appear to be speaking with a less than neutral view. Why do you assume his ex has issues? It’s possible that she just had no care for him and therefore took out all this debt in his name? Why does there have to be an excuse? He’s now left holding this debt and could end up bankrupt as a result. If he has to report the fraud so be it, the kids can live with him if she goes to prison. But if he goes bankrupt and ends up on the street where can they go? Is suspect they couldn’t go to his ex because she’s attracting so much debt. 

[Deleted User]

MalMonroe said:

Cwoodsey1989 said:

Hi, hopefully someone can point me in the right direction or help me out. I was in a relationship for 17 years, 4 kids, married, always worked, I used to let my wife deal with all the bills and gave her all my money each week. We have been separated a few years now and I am getting so many companies chasing for money as she took all sorts out in my name. We moved house quite a lot of time as she said she couldn’t settle “ more like running away from debts”. I have no idea what i can do or what companies have had things taken out in my name. Can anyone point me in the right direction ❤️

You need to talk to your ex. Does she work? You say you have always worked but has she? With four children to raise when you were together, probably not. Who has been managing your money since you separated a few years ago?

You will need to find out what exactly your ex has used your name for and make records of companies and amounts before you can start to put things right. 

I don't think you should blame your ex either - she is probably suffering from depression (and could have been suffering for a long time too) and really who could blame her? It's a terrible situation for her to be in, lots of debt and separated from two of her children. You certainly cannot report her to the police or anyone else for fraud - and shame on anyone for even suggesting that. You both made the mess and now you have to pull together to get out of it. But it sounds like you really haven't spoken and that is what you need to do. Even if only for the wellbeing of your children. They can't be happy - going from a family of six to two small families of three. Time for both of you to take responsibility for all of your children. I feel so sorry for them being caught up in this terrible situation.

I agree with eskbanker that you could do worse than contact Citizens Advice. See what benefits you are both entitled to and work together to solve the problems. They are not just her problems. Here's CA link https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

That's the direction I would point you in and hope that it does help.

Certainly can't report her to the police?

Shame for reporting someone for criminal activity just because she's an ex?

Get away with that, of course the OP can (and MUST if he wants the debt off his name) - she has committed fraud, the relationship to the fraud victim is immaterial.

Probably suffering from depression? Are you the medical professional dealing with the ex? No you aren't, so what qualifies you to come up with that diagnosis? How does that excuse criminal behaviour

You both made a mess?

NO! SHE made a mess by committing fraud, why are you victim blaming?

There is so much bad and incorrect information here based on not understanding the law, assumptions and "won't someone please think of the children" . That said, it's entirely expected from someone who knows their neighbour is illegally breaking covid rules and helping the spread of the virus and is directly responsible for the continuing deaths of hundreds a day, yet won't report them.

Jrchmn

Reporting this as fraud may not be an option. If these are long standing agreements and payments have been made from you to them that can be used as evidence you agreed to the arrangement. I had a live in partner who was a gambling addict. When we split I paid a deposit on a flat for him and made sure he didn’t end up homeless. I then had to deal with people coming after me for bills on services he had taken out. This sounds like a very complicated issue I agree with previous posters who’ve said you need to go to citizen’s advice.

In terms of divorce you can probably see a lawyer for an initial 30min appointment without paying a fee. They may be able to give you some advice.

Cwoodsey1989

Thanks for all the advice guys, I know it’s a difficult situation and I need to make a decision weather to report as fraud or just take the hit. Once again thanks, this is my first time posting and have had some good “honest” advice ❤️