New partner / Groceries!

bouicca21

as I wrote before budgeting is a state of mind.  Some of us who have always had to be super careful find it almost impossible to splash out, others feel so liberated that they get into a reckless spending mode.  He’s contributing his whack. He’s entitled to his treats - but so is OP, even if she finds it difficult to contemplate treating herself.  That’s her problem not his.

There’s a middle way somewhere. It just has to be found.  I’m tempted to suggest something really basic like telling him that dinner on say Saturdays is his job, and see how it goes.  

maman

I'm reluctant to comment on the wider picture as OP asked about the food budget.
But as she raised it, there's a lot more to consider than whether the partner should cook or not. We don't know the relative working hours or which chores and/or contributions he may be making on top of the additional money he's bringing in.
 DH and I share the chores and neither of us feels hard done by. What we specifically do has evolved over time depending on our interests, skills, availability etc. 

Floss

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel said:

....Graze isn't £40, it's just under £15 for 6 share bags. I then pop them into a small snack box so he doesn't eat the whole packet lol 1 share bag usually lasts 3/4 days so it does cover the month. .... 

That £40 = 4 beers at £6 weekly (£6 x 52) yearly £312, monthly £26. Plus £14 a month for Graze, he is on £40 a month just for beers & nuts. 

I get that it's a big change when households are combined, but maybe there needs to be some adjustment from him too, by taking on some cooking or taking responsibility for buying his own beer, snacks & fizzy pop.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Oh he's absolutely entitled to his extras, I do know that. I think the frugal side of me is going 'holy cow' at £400 

It always sounds worse than it is on this forum I think. He does help out chores wise (he's currently washing the pots), I'm part time, he's full so I absolutely don't expect him to do anything when he's in from work (it's already been done anyway) it just niggles that on his days off/whilst his furloughed he doesn't do much but then he's probably thinking that I would normally do it so.... It's just learning to live together I think. 

Again, thank you for the replies. I think I'll try and budget still, then whatever is left at the end of the month can go towards a treat 

maman

That's a very measured response mimi. I think it's just that you're used to being very frugal and he's not ( and it would seem doesn't really need to be that much ). To be honest, while Graze nuts aren't my idea of a treat, having Lucozade, only 4 beers a week and a monthly date night is very tame by many people's standards. I'm sure it'll all work out. 😊

Rosa_Damascena

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel said:

Oh he's absolutely entitled to his extras, I do know that. I think the frugal side of me is going 'holy cow' at £400 

It always sounds worse than it is on this forum I think. He does help out chores wise (he's currently washing the pots), I'm part time, he's full so I absolutely don't expect him to do anything when he's in from work (it's already been done anyway) it just niggles that on his days off/whilst his furloughed he doesn't do much but then he's probably thinking that I would normally do it so.... It's just learning to live together I think. 

Again, thank you for the replies. I think I'll try and budget still, then whatever is left at the end of the month can go towards a treat 

So what happens then? You and the kids eat a budget-friendly diet whilst your partner consumes what he likes? What kind of example does that set them?

Your OH doesn't need to eat Pot Noodle but he does need to be more considerate now he's part of a family.

Pollycat

maman said:

I'm reluctant to comment on the wider picture as OP asked about the food budget.
But as she raised it, there's a lot more to consider than whether the partner should cook or not. We don't know the relative working hours or which chores and/or contributions he may be making on top of the additional money he's bringing in.
 DH and I share the chores and neither of us feels hard done by. What we specifically do has evolved over time depending on our interests, skills, availability etc. 

But we do know he's furloughed and won't cook.

I think the OP (who seems to be sticking up for her new partner against criticism on here) would have said if he was doing other stuff. But I may be wrong.

We too share the chores, of course things evolve. Our arrangements have evolved over the last 35 years.

But here we have a new partner who is capable of cooking but won't. Even when he is not working full time.

I would be - in the OP's shoes - concerned about how that new relationship will evolve.

I know someone whose partner retired and spent all day faffing around with his hobbies, expecting her to cook and clean when she got home from work.