* Driving Home for Christmas * - It's the 2021 Christmas Chatter Thread!

kerri_gt

Few more gifts wrapped earlier this evening. Still a pile left but will probably do some more tomorrow. Also means I can do some returns where items were this or that.

Spendless

Hoping to nail all the gifts plus get cards this weekend but both me and DH due to have boosters today. Him in the morning, me this afternoon. See how we feel afterwards.

Got a bit of another 'shall I give this gift?' dilemma. This time for son's girlfriend (DIL 2 be) . DH has bought both DS and .gf phones for Xmas. Both needed them. Neither are expensive phones (he tends to buy android ones from the Chinese market for us all except DD who is into her iphones, but has an older/re-furbished one). When he first mooted this around September time for gf's birthday I thought it was overly generous tbh (even from the chinese market). DH's point was we'd spent a lot of DD's (now ex) boyfriend, in the way of paying for hotel rooms and (covid) tests for when he went away (as the last cost quite a bit - pair of them were only single vaccinated at the time, we dressed it as a 'boring' birthday present to him to save any embarrassment). Whilst all this is true, without us giving him some help DD wouldn't have been going anywhere either  and this had all been things planned before subsequent lockdowns or extra restrictions. So it got dropped  and gf was given a little money instead  for her Autumn birthday from us to pay for a meal out as DS student loan hadn't come through at that point, he'd got the date it paid  wrong (I had told him this, he didn't believe me!)  as they'd planned to go out. The amount of money we gave was around half what the phone cost. 


With the phone idea shelved, me and DD saw a really nice bag for gf in TK Maxx, a good brand but of course loads cheaper. Gf only owns one handbag and received that as a xmas gift from my sis-in law last year (it was something SIL had bought for herself, disliked and missed the return date). GF loves the one from sis in law it's in daily use, says she never had a bag of her own before going to Uni and having money that was hers and then never got it right in shape and style of buying one herself. Though I didn't watch her unwrap it last Xmas day, DD did and saw her throw the dust cover away not understanding what it was (I'd have gently explained) so I know she's never had anything more expensive.  With all this in mind I buy her the bag in TK maxx, it's a different shape, colour, will serve a different purpose from the one she already owns. Then recently DH raises the subject of phones again both for DS and his gf who are now in need of them (DS phone screen is broken, gf not working well). I say if I'd known this was going to enter the equation again I wouldn't have bought gf the bag at TK maxx (which is upper end of what my budget for her main gift was). He says that he'd already spoken to DS about it due to it initially being raised in the Autumn and again points to the costs of DD's ex. I say buying something for one of our kids to enable to do something already planned as a couple is a different scenario to giving one of them an individual gift. 

If you've kept up so far from my rambling. I'm not unsure what to do about gf's bag. Giving that plus the phone DH has ordered seems overly generous. I am wary of it sending out a 'we're loaded' message to gf's family. When they got engaged in the summer, they told gf's family first and when we were told they had picked their wedding date for summer 2023. DS doesn't finish his degree till next year. Gf graduated this year but has yet to find work (unsure how hard she's trying). DH is a 40% tax payer and has a company car. His salary looks good on paper, the taxation makes the wages into the bank account a different story. I've only returned to temping work a fortnight ago and unsure how long it'll last. DS gets the min maintainance loan due to all this. We pay his rent. This year we've had to find student digss that were paid per room rather than per person, so gf could be with him too. We are also supporting DD at drama school currently on an unfunded course, so she lives on what we give her (plus pay her rent)

 I've thought from the beginning that their timeline to getting wed is a short one, given the life stage they're currently at. They both do some online work but it's very sporadic in what they can earn.

When we met gf's family formally in the summer att he place where they want their wedding reception, we were asked just before we left for home if we could contribute financially to the wedding, we just left it as a vague 'I'm sure we'll be able to' and we will certainly help but we haven't got unlimited funds. In contrast gf Dad has said he will pay for 2 of the wedding costs (admittedly one is probably the largest single expense) but told gf's Mum the rest is down to her. (they are together but must have separate finances) She told me this on the day along with she only works p-time in what sounds like a min wage job. I sympathised but pointed out I wasn't currently working, hadn't been for some time and we were supporting both kids in education till next year. The family are religious so celebrate Christmas in a totally different way to what we do, which includes gift giving which is of the toiletries nature. I'm just concerned that giving a phone (even a chinese model!) plus a designer bag (because no one else will know I got it cheap)plus the additional bits will give a false impression and expectation to our finances and contribution.

What would I do with the bag though? I could save for another Xmas for gf but maybe by then she'll need something else or *perhaps*  gives someone else, but as you know most of my relatives are a lot older and wouldn't use it. It's not to DD's taste. 

Sorry I realise looking back that is a lot of info for what is a 'do I give this bag or not?' but there's wider implications to consider which is why I've put the dilemma here. I could put it elsewhere, but regular contributors know the background story of those involved, so I'd appreciate some 'outsider looking in' thoughts on iit. 

kerri_gt

@Spendless i totally understand the bag dilemma. Personally it sounds like the phones are the more needed item and I'm not sure she'd entirely appreciate the bag in the way intended (some people just aren't accessory people).
Last time I looked TKM has a returns period til Jan now so if I were you I'd return it. I have stated taking a step back thinking if I'm really not sure about a gift for someone it means it's not right.  

Spendless

kerri_gt said:

@Spendless i totally understand the bag dilemma. Personally it sounds like the phones are the more needed item and I'm not sure she'd entirely appreciate the bag in the way intended (some people just aren't accessory people).
Last time I looked TKM has a returns period til Jan now so if I were you I'd return it. I have stated taking a step back thinking if I'm really not sure about a gift for someone it means it's not right.  

Thanks. I bought in September though  DD, long before they did gift receipts and in DD's uni town not locally. Not even sure where the original receipt is. Gf will certainly like the bag. DD spotted it and her comment was 'if DS's gf was a bag she'd be this one' and I can see her point. I bought it for how the bag is (rather than the brand that was just an added bonus).  It would serve a different purpose than her much used one of last year. It's more to do with the cost of both the phone and the bag do I give them 

C_J

It sounds as though you are mostly concerned about the message you are sending by giving two seemingly expensive presents at a time when you don’t wish to appear dripping in funds which your son’s gf’s family might well think could be put towards their daughter’s wedding costs. And they will almost certainly think that, from what you have said.

I would try to take the bag back to TKMaxx, even without the receipt. As long as any tags are still intact on it and you are charming, you may be surprised by how helpful they can be. Even if they give you a credit note, that might not be a bad thing.

If you can’t return it, I would squirrel it away to give to her for her next birthday, even if that is a long way off.

From what you have said, two big presents would be too much of a grand/expensive gesture, and you don’t want to stir up any potential bad feelings with her family.

Beshki

I would definitely give the phone, and pop the bag away for her next bday

kerri_gt

Took the pillowcase / eyemask sets back to TKM today, couldn't believe how much the gift selection had increased,  it was like Bayliss and Harding had their own section.
Didn't really have time to look at anything else but might try and go back later this week.

Also took some bits back to Primarni, typically they had exactly the kind of things I'd been looking for for DN *2 previously. I did briefly think about buying new stuff for them and unwrapping/returning the other things, but I'd wrapped and booked the courier so realised i was prob putting too much thought into something that will just be one of many gifts and am sticking with what i have.

kerri_gt

Hurrah! Most of the wrapping is now done as I had some unexpected time this evening. Need to get some tissue paper and could do with a gift bag for DM.

I've also finished most of my shopping. Am only doing small gifts with DM this year but feel i need to add something into her gift bag as it's a bit boring (and much the same as last year). Have in there Turkish delight (always), 2*hand wash, haribo giant strawbs, 3*biscoff (Aldi version) biccies, a small diary and a soft scarf. Really not sure what else to add in, there's really nothing she needs that I can think of that falls into small gift category, and nothing she'd use like a candle or such.

DH items wrapped too, except some bottles of drink, realised he's got a rather booze filled xmas theme - not sure he'll be impressed much with other things I've got him either but he's so hard to buy for. Good job i didn't bother with the tickets i was going to get either, the night before we were talking about an event and he announced he didn't want to book tickets to anything that wasn't local until the current !!!!!! show we're living under is over. So those tickets would've gone done like an expensive lead balloon.

princesskitty29

Hi all, gosh I’ve been meaning to get on here for ages but there’s been so much going on and I’m always exhausted in the evenings! My mum is doing well with her treatment so far which is good, we’ll have to see how she goes on. My dad is really poorly at the moment, not sure exactly what’s wrong with him but he needs building up. I was going to pop up to see them last week but covid has really taken hold in DS1’s year so I couldn’t risk it. We made the decision on Thursday to homeschool the boys for the next week. I know the government want children in school but quite frankly we just want to be able to see some family, my in laws are supposed to be coming to us on Christmas day and I would dearly love to go and see my parents if we can, I really feel like if we left them in school DS1 would almost certainly get covid by Christmas the rate it is going through his class. We’re testing him every couple of days at the moment in case he’s already picked it up but fingers crossed. Although whilst I don’t wish to have it or for anyone to be ill I do also feel a little bit like if we’re going to get it (which I feel is inevitable) then we might as well get it over with, but life is short and Christmases with family are so important to me.

 

I’m done with my shopping, I’m the most organised in that respect than I’ve ever been, but as ever I still have most things to wrap and cards to write with two weeks to go! I always say every year I’ll do it by December, but I do like having the decs up when I do it and then I always end up last minute! One day I’ll break the cycle. I’ve also got bunting to make as I’m planning to give it as a gift to friends and family, I was going to get all of that done this week whilst the boys were at school but now they’re going to be at home I’ll have to fit it in when I can.

 

CJ thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately my brother is a carer for one man who has limited staff so he can’t really take extended periods of leave, but things are actually working themselves out well up there so I’m feeling less stressed about it.

 

mandco I’m so glad to hear you had a good time away and wow what an amazing prize for Taz to win! Congratulations! We’ve just paid out a small fortune for one of those for DS1 for Christmas – and Father Christmas will get all the credit! Oh I’m sorry to hear about your dd’s car, what a pain. They really are an expense aren’t they?

 

kerri you’ve just reminded me of my Forever Friends duvet set that I had when I was little, my mum still has it and it comes out when we all go up to stay!

Spendless

Thanks for the replies on the bag. Unfortunately I have already wrapped it too, so any tags relating to price will have been cut off also. I'm reluctant to move it over to gf's birthday and next Christmas because from their current timeline, those events  will be less than 12 months to their wedding day and it's quite a possibility they'll need something practical towards that on top of what we will contribute to their big day.

I then put the whole story to DD, who is aware oif the dynamics going off. She suggested that I still gave gf the bag but with a label saying 'From me and Her, love from Scotland' and sort of say we got carried away on our recent shopping trip there, which was last weekend and I'd just been paid from my new job.  I think that could work, especially if handled by DD, she's an actress for a reason and good at having to think up what to say. I will re-wrap it in a different paper to Xmas paper too, so she knows it's a gift from our trip away rather than a christmas present.


Me and DH have had another difference of opinion, this time  over Christmas veg. I had purposely not fetched up the subject as I knew that  we wouldn't agree. So, instead knowing full well I can't abide sprouts and neither can DD, announces he's talked to his family and they all like them, so we'll be having them. This is another example of DH signs me up to something without talking to me first, just like talking to DS about the phones when I was reluctant, inviting his family for Xmas day without asking me if it was ok first. Like I told him, it's not that I am going to object, it would just be nice to be in the consultation plans. Now we have a veg I don't even like and frequently don't buy (DH reckons he likes them, but since he only ever eats them once a year max, I don't believe he's that bothered). He reacted as I expected he would saying 'I can't believe it's a row about sprouts' where as my point was it's a row about you announcing things without talking to me first and then can't do anything about when you've already ok'd it. Later there was a discussion about whether his suggestion of cauliflower cheese should be one of the veg. I said no because his sister who is OCD about things touching each other on plates will not like the idea of having cauliflower cheese and gravy and to make things easier on the day, other than the turkey/vegetarian main part wanted to be able to load up the plates with exactly the same items, rather than this plate doesn't want x and that person has asked for no y, which was my whole point about sprouts and not wanting them