The Best Is Yet To Come

slm6002

Soup didn't taste nice.  Wondering if the butternut squash and tomatoes were too far gone.  I don't like wasting food but there was no way I could rescue it that I could see.

The donation has been transferred and I just need to write a letter saying it is from us.  I will try to get that done tomorrow.

Christmas decorations have been baked.  Not sure if we have enough yet so may end up baking some more.  The house smells of cinnamon and is quite over powering.  I need to decorate them next and then pop some corn for the tinsel part.

I didn't get round to doing my washing but will start with that tomorrow.  I enjoyed the stew and have lots left which I think I will turn into pies.  Did some crochet and watched some tv.  Now waiting on my uncle to call as he would like me to order something on Amazon for him again.

I am ready for bed and will need a shower first - water has been heated ready.  Tomorrow DD1 is home and we are planning a trip to the local village to watch the fireworks early evening.

slm6002

Feeling pretty rubbish today with a full on head cold.  I didn't sleep well because of it which doesn't help.  I have moved to the sofa and may try to have a nap later.  The house has overnight turned into a tip - not sure what happened but it needs sorting very soon.  I also need to sort my washing out and make the next meal plan / shopping list.  We have no plans until this evening when we will go to the fireworks, so plenty of time to rest and plan.

Bought some bake your own croissants the other day so will bribe DS with one of those if he actually does the dishwasher.  I can then sort the kitchen out.  I should probably get dressed too

slm6002

Still full of cold but had a much better sleep last night so hopefully will feel a little brighter today.  DD1 has gone off to work - she has grumpy since she got home for no reason at all and snapping at me with anything I ask / mention to her.  DS will need to be woken soon and I will need to get dressed as I need to take him to work.

We sat on my bed last night and had a perfect view for the fireworks,  DD2 said it was not tradition though so next year we will need to go in person.

I could do with nipping to the shops to get food, but not done the meal plan as yet, and no idea what we are eating.  Might do it on the way to collect him instead.

Half of the main roads in the town are closed so not quite sure the best way to get to work in the morning.  These road closures are going on until Feb 2025!  Going to cause chaos and queues for months.  Need to make sure all bags etc are ready for the morning, lunches packed etc.  Could have done with another week off to get healthy again, but that is not going to happen so will dose myself up and get to work in the morning.  I don't share an office with anyone at the moment and will have the window open to make sure the germs go out.

Right I best get dressed and wake DS up

LadyWithAPlan

Sorry to hear re the XH attitude especially your DS as he sounds like he still has hope of a relationship 

Feel free to ignore but I am just noting  that last time DD1 was away she was also snappy on her return - you sound like an amazing supportive mum and I would not dream at snapping at my wonderful mum. 

Mums deserve kindness, appreciation and respect and no one gets to dump their bad moods on others especially mums like you who are clearly giving everything you have got 

Have you tried chatting through with her what /why/when she feels she can be so rude and grumpy - more parenting I am afraid but  her behaviour will cost her in the real world - you will forgive her but as a friend, partner or work colleague this behaviour will lose her friends and money 
Maybe she should try meditation or yoga or chanting to become more centred, less stressed and happier in her own skin 

slm6002

Thank you @LadyWithAPlan for the advice.  DD1 has always taken her frustrations out on me as I am her safe place.  She is fine around friends and work friends.  It was the same when changes were happening at school.  She doesn't cope well with change.  Her brain has so many things bouncing around all the time anything I say I have to drip feed it to her when she is like this.

At the moment she has a rose tinted view of her future, and unsure what path she should take to get there.  She has tried to do the grown up job which on paper was her way to get to the nice house.  Because real life isn't like films and dreams she quit.  She then decided she needed to go to uni to do the one job that has been on her list that she thinks she will love. I am still very unsure about this job, and although worthwhile like before I do not think it will be as lovely as she thinks.  Anyway ok yes you can take this year as a gap year and then go to uni for the next 3 years.  She knows that I will support her, although maybe not financially as that may not be possible. She found a online course that will help as the grades she got were not enough.  Another month down the line and a week away she now wants to go down the option of getting her own place and to do that she needs money, so back to the grown up job option.  A lot of her friends are on a lot of money but they are doing their grown up jobs.  I have sent her a couple of jobs that combine grown up work and the area of work she would like to get into (kind of) and she has applied to 1 of them.  She is so confused as to what she wants.  When she is like this and lots of uncertainty she gets snappy.  It is not ok to be like this and I have told her and she does apologise but then the next day does it again.  

I almost think she needs to rent a place for a few months, realise its not all rosy and yes she will need to save a lot of money for a decent deposit.  To do that she will need to live at home and stick at a full time job.  When she can do that she then has to keep going to pay the bills.  Looking after a nicely decorated house with all DIY complete has again tinted her glasses.  Realistically she will not be able to afford a nice place like that for years to come.  Life gets harder when there is no money for heating / extra nice food / repairs / parties etc.

I do not make her life hell, in fact she has a lot of freedom currently and has her own schedule living here.  I've not even uttered the words 'you treat this place like a hotel'.  I still cook, clean, wash her clothes etc (although she does know how to do these things and does do them occasionally). I do charge her rent but very minimal and much less than I should.  She needs to realise this is actually quite a good place to live for now and she can be saving up a deposit if she wants to.  Lots of her money is being wasted currently.  I would happily help her with a budget and get her savings pot going quickly but she is not in that frame of mind at the moment.  She will get there but there will be more grumpiness and apologies before she asks for help.  I have to hope that the years of money saving that she has witnessed has rubbed off on her and she finds a job that she can do full time that has some kind of future and that she can stick to it longer than a month, which is the current amount of time she lasts.

slm6002

DD1 has been home and gone off to BF house where she is being fed.  She tells me she will call in sick tomorrow as does not want to be there.  I have voiced my concern again but there is not point going on or she will do the opposite of what I suggest.  She has applied for a few more jobs apparently so we will see what happens.

Anyway back to the rest of the family - DS has now caught the lurgy.  Will dose him up and hope his immune system is stronger than mine currently.

I did the meal plan and the shopping £87.99 and we were missing pepperoni, wraps or suet for the dumplings.  Our aldi is having a bakery added is so not every shelf is stocked completely as they are having a move around.  Will pick the extras up tomorrow when I drop DD2 off at band maybe. I only had £80 budgeted so need to start thinking of less meat based meals.  Tonight is cheese and potato mash, sausages and beans.  Might skip the sausages and save those for another meal thinking about it.  We have pudding as it is Sunday so yes we will skip the sausages.

We also had to nip to b&m as the extension lead that has the washing machine, tumble dryer and freezer packed up half way through the day.  Each individual item works but the fuse in the cord looked broken and burnt out.  I felt it was safer to spend the £6 on a new one rather than replacing the fuse.  The insides of the old one just looked burnt.

Both receipts have been scanned and hopefully I will now have enough points to get another voucher.

Homework done, PE bag put back together, clothes ready to wear tomorrow.  I do need to make my lunch but other than that we are ready for tomorrows back to school.

LadyWithAPlan

I am sure you are doing the best you can and indeed maybe encouraging her to leave the nest and experience the real world (whilst allowing the option to return home if she gets stuck) is a good thing. I am not sure many of us know what we want to do at 18, its a big ask and sometimes uni or a course gives us that time.
I'd be at least making her wash and hang up her own clothes.  

Have you watched any of the 'til Debt does us part ' on YT - few examples on there where Gail VO tries to get the baby birds to leave the nest  who havent actually saved any of the money by living still at their parents.

Personally I'd be immediate to call bad grumpy behaviour and maybe add consequences if she keeps being so snappy,  it is unfair/rude to you and not a good example to your other kids on how to behave. I can guarantee dumping her feelings on you means she will also dump her anger/frustration  on other loved ones at some point in her life, she needs to start finding healthy ways to deal with her own emotions now, we all have them and they dont get any easier under life stress. 
As Dr John Deloney wisely says 'behaviour is language', maybe a therapist would help her?

slm6002

Thank you lady with a plan.  I will take a look at those YT clips as they sound useful. Things are a little better after having chatted to DD1 about how she has been treating me.  DD1 had some more job interviews and starts a new job on 9th Dec.  This one is more like the job she has been longing for, so we are all really hoping she will like it and become more settled.

Work has been busy and with all of the job talk at home I feel like I have been on the go night and day.  Money seems to be flowing out of my account far too quickly and I need to be very careful with it over the next few months.  I am going to speak to best friend and ask her not to buy us Christmas gifts this year - that way neither of us has to find the money.  If I can get the amount of people we buy for down then the left overs in the Christmas pot can go elsewhere.

I need to write a meal plan for this coming week and try to use more from the freezer and cupboards to save some pennies

slm6002

Yesterday was DD2's birthday.  She was more than content with pottering round the house crafting.  I bought 2 small cakes as she prefers carrot cake while knowing her siblings like the chocolate one.  Either way both cakes come in around the price of the normal birthday cake as are small. She had already had most of her gifts in the way of tickets to shows, but had a few small items to unwrap.

Today DD2 is playing in a remembrance day event in a local village.  Need to drop DS off at work first and then rush off to the event.  Not sure where I am going to park as the event is in the market place, where the car spaces are.  I may end up kicking her out of the car and parking miles away.  DD1 has work and I believe is now on long shifts almost every day until she is finished there - she is not happy about that but she needs the money so will just have to put up with it.

After the event that I will need to work out what is for dinner tonight.  Not started the meal plan as yet or my shopping list.  I need to look through the freezer and see what I can conjure up for the next few days.  DD1 was asking for her branded shower gel the other day.  I told her there was some supermarket gel in the cupboard.  Explained that I wasn't buying anymore as there is perfectly good shower gel for half the price.  She wasn't very happy but realised that things will be tighter now.  She did say don't worry next month my wages will go up so you will get more - I ask for a % of her wages, and while it isn't the £935 ish a month that I have lost from her turning 18 and XH stopping payments, I am very grateful she understands she needs to help and pay something.  Looking at that figure it is obvious why things have been tight this month.  However I have been in a worst position before so I am sure we can cope.

Moneywhizz

That is a huge amount of income to lose every month. No wonder you are finding things tight, but you have the right attitude and it is all about making the most of what you have which is clearly what you do. If the kids want their own luxury items they will need to use their own money if that is available. They are learning valuable lessons that will help them in the future.