How to not offend interfering parent(s)?

DUKE

I don't mean to be rude but I was a bit surprised that your bloke doesn't want to get involved in his own wedding - it's his wedding day too. I'd sit him down and explain this Just nip off and arrange it all yourselves, let people know that it's your wedding and this is want you both want. Good luck!

melancholly

i think you probably need to have a chat with your OH about his mother taking over - if she wants to do everything with the wedding, she'll want to control a lot more than that for years to come after you're married, especially if you have children! speak to your OH about it - you need to know if he is going to say yes to her for the rest of your lives together!

MrsTinks

It's YOUR day not hers! End of argument
My wedding is being largely funded by my dad (£5k) but he thankfully wants no say in how we spend that - I know I am incredibly lucky. Neither dad, mum or OHs mum will try to interfer with how I do things. Probably partially because all of them live abroad lol! Only disagreement was when FMIL found out it was a civil ceremony and said "oh well you can have a church blessing afterwards" and in chorus OH and I replied "no we can't" - We don't believe in god and therefor it would in my book be downright disrespectful!
Think I haven't heard the last of that point but other than that so far nothing...
My suggestion would be to ask her to actually be in charge of something... My mum is very artistic and there for I have asked her to do my flowers, but it COULD also be a good way to make her feel like she is playing a part in this wedding without it being something that you will come to blows over?
Do it tactfully like "I've noticed how your flowers are always displayed so beautifully - and I was hoping that you might be willing to help me organise the flowers for the wedding" draw the line where you want, either getting you quotes from "florists she would recommend" or actually doing (maybe paying?) the flowers herself?

Good luck

inmypocketnottheirs

I am in the lucky position of not having spoken to my mother in law for 3 years. It's rude to interrupt!

[Deleted User]

Now, this may possibly make you pig sick, but my wedding is being funded by my parents and my oh's parents. Because it is expected to be a traditional affair, it will be expensive. We're jewish, so that adds extra expense (esp kosher food). Think in region of 20k for the day. In our group of friends there's a lot of 'keep up with the Jone's" and we frankly couldn't afford to put on a posh bash ourselves without remortgaging the house. The parent funding is essential

Even so, we have not had any interference from them in regards our choices. We picked the venue, band, photographer, videographer ect.. Rather than fight with them over choices, we've embraced their help. They've come with to wedding fairs, her dad came with me to hear the band perform before we booked it. We didn't let the 'it's not our money' go to our heads and we've not gone overboard with much.

Our biggest arguments have come in the form of numbers for the dinner. We've got 110 places - no more at all. Her family is bigger than mine, my mum thinks that she should have relatives attend that I don't even know... My mum is a control freak and lives 200 miles from us, so she can't really control except by phone. Which she tries to do. This has caused a lot of hassle and slammed phones.

Anyway, here's the killer - this is not your fight. This is your blokes fight with his parents. Make him step up, let him know that it's his part to play. He won't know this and may not be confident in standing up to his parents. Remember, you are soon to be the key woman in his life, not his mum.

If you want to avoid her having 'control' then decide specifically what she's paying for. Avoid having her pay for the meal - this will influence how many and who can come.

Again, get your bloke involved. He will be very passive and he can't be. Many of our friends blokes have been the same and so was I.

Good luck!

shelley_crow

I agree with the above poster, it's up to your bloke to sort his parents out, it will sound better coming from him.

It's your day so do things your way and just tell the in laws (or should that be out laws?) when and where to attend. I'm not married but my OH's sisters have MIL's from hell. Her MIL turned up to a cream themed wedding in a red suit. Anyway, they should understand that it's your special day and as much as they want to be a part of it, you don't expect them to try and take over. xx

kitchen_buff

Tell every body that you have a friend who is a wedding planner and that they have offered to do everything, so there is no stress or hassle or worries, if they querie or suggest anything tell them you will discuss it with the planner, if need be ask a close friend to vouch for the planner or ask them to say that they are the planners. Believe me weddings are the mosr stressfull things for the bride and groom.

Fortheloveofmoney

My MIL to be is a really lovely lady but she too has had her moments with things. My Fiance stood up to her and put his foot down. I wouldn't expect to take her on. I expect him to.

blue_angel

My MIL2b suffered at the hands of her interfering mother when she married, and goes to great lengths to tell me to let her know if she's interfering....!!! Usually she's not too bad, but we have given her some areas of responsibility (flowers, ushers' & mens' outfits & photos) to keep her in the loop but out of our hair!

bank_of_slate

This is a tough one, the future MIL may have spent years waiting for her beloved son to get hitched and planning/imagining exactly how the day would go...maybe even how the day would look to the invited family and friends!!! For some people this is very important.

I would listen to her and try to say "That's a really good idea, I'm not really a 'pink flamingo waddling down the aisle kind of girl' (or whatever else she has suggested) "We'd really love to do ******* if you could help us with that?"
...Linda xx