Cutting it Fine - the challenge is on!

debtfreeoneday

I wonder if it’s an age thing as pleasing people can do one lately with me. 

I don’t go out of the way to cause hassle but just feel I stand up for myself a little more of late. 

twinklie

I’m most certainly not a people pleaser. Case in point it was a “mums” night out on Friday. My friend really wanted me to go with her. 

I’m tired, knew I had a busy weekend and didn’t really want to waste the money. I said no, stayed home, had an early night and had a great Saturday with the kids. Winner.

SandyShores

Thanks Savingholmes, definitely feeling more positive.  I'm getting out and getting active, and chatting to people really does help.  I have caught myself being a bit negative a couple of times though - and I'm definitely going to stop that.  I think its become a habit - and I read something recently about how you should surround yourself with people you want to be like (sadly the DH can be a right negative norman - luckily I'm getting out more!).

Debtfree, I think you are right about the older and wiser thing.  I also think things have changed a lot over the last 25 years - I felt very judged, or was made to feel guilty if I wasn't there 'supporting' the family or DH when we were newly married.  Seems ridiculous looking back because those people are still miserable bar stewards, whether I turn up or not - and they wouldn't go out of their way to support us. There's a potential for a family event coming up soon and I'm going to have to start planning ahead to be able to miss it without causing big waves.

Twinklie, good for you!  Knowing yourself and what makes you happy is a real strength.  I always thought it was funny that the evenings I opted to stay home were the ones that people told me were the most fantastic (i.e. I was wrong to stay home/missed the best night)!  These days my answer would be 'you always seem to have a better night when I'm not there so I must be doing you a favour' LOL.  I definitely have 'gullible' in invisible ink on my forehead!

I have had such a good weekend.  Made major progress on the decluttering and even purchased some fabric to make my test PJs.  Tired and achey now though, even after a long hot bubbly soak.  Lovely feeling to have been so productive, it was a pleasant day weather-wise which makes a welcome change.  Trying not to focus on the news too much, feeling very grateful to have a safe home today.

SandyShores

Spreadsheeting done for the moment.  Regular savings topped up by £200 but no extra this month.  Mr Shores is caught up with his accounts now and on track for being a saver again - some people just don't have a brain for finances.  We'll be having a monthly catch up in future!

Mortgage interest today was £11.33, which is way down on the £12+ it was and getting closer to the 10s.  I need to make an overpayment of around £85 to bring it down to the 000s at the month end.  Not sure how I'm going to do that at the moment, it might have to come from savings if I can't think of something to sell - time to have a hunt around the cupboards first.  

savingholmes

Hope you find something to bring in the extra £85.

I agree with you that it can help to focus on the positive.

I went on one of my few ever work's do's a few years ago to try and understand the attraction. I'd spent a lot in MSE terms at £30 which included food, train ticket and soft drinks - someone else who earned a lot less than me spent around £160 without an overnight stay and despite sharing a taxi. I'm better off not going too. 

Glad you had a positive weekend.

SandyShores

Thanks savingholmes, me too.  I'm sure there must be something I can sell hidden somewhere in this house!  

Mr Shores used to spend a fortune going out too.  He was definitely one like your colleague.  These days he prefers to drive if he goes out (so he doesn't get involved in rounds of drinks etc.) and if he drinks it will be at home and that's getting less and less these days.  Scary how much money was wasted - he's good at earning it, but very much better at spending it!!  

Funnily I was reading something about toxic positivity.  That we're always told to find the positive.  I think that's still a good thing, but I appreciate the message that you need to learn to sit with your negative feelings, which are unavoidable sometimes and learn from them.  I think when I've been a bit stressed or down in the past, that's worried me in itself, rather than accepting that I'm a bit down or stressed, and just moving through it when I'm ready.  I think that's easier when you have more space - i.e. you don't have people asking you what's wrong, or having to be 'on' all the time.

debtfreeoneday

Again this must be an age thing I think as I r been the same and actually say it to the kids or DH that I’m a bit sad or in a funk and so I’m just going to roll with it and do what I feel I need to today be it read, eat chocolate (!) sleep or watch TV or get out for some air. Think they appreciate it instead of wondering why I’m in a funny mood. 

Hope you find something to sell. 

savingholmes

I agree with the toxic positivity thing.

The integrity book I'm reading is very much one for owning your feelings instead of pretending. She also strongly recommends only doing the things you want to. She says most people find that hard and worry they'll turn into narcissists but even just doing more of what makes you happy - helps you cope / deal with the things that are less enjoyable...

Funnily enough a different book I am part way through that I started last year has similar messages. It has lots of exercises to do it - and I have a tendency to get stuck!

SandyShores

I think I'm always 'pushing on', pretending every thing is okay, not wanting to bring other's moods down.  But this conversation is quite enlightening really.  I don't expect everyone else to always be upbeat, so not sure why I expect it of myself - and its wearing trying to put a mask on all the time.  Its quite positive just recognising this.  I know what you mean about doing the exercises savingholmes, its hard keeping it up, but I need to practice this.

I don't know how well it will go down at work (about some of the work), but I think I'm going to own it - as long as I am being open and to the point, not just moaning for moaning's sake.

Thanks debtfree, I am yet to even start the search for saleable items .  But I have purchased a knitting pattern online and have some vouchers to get some cheap wool.  I even found a pair of the right size knitting needles in my stash.  I'm going off to spend those vouchers on Saturday

savingholmes

Glad the discussion helped. 

Enjoy your knitting.