Moving to the suburbs

MalMonroe

movinghelp said:

I grew up in the suburbs/country and had a lovely childhood. Moved to a city for University and then to London and bought a 2 bed flat. Sold it after 5 years and moved to the other side of the world and after renting for 4 years (1/2 bed flats in the inner city), I’m finally moving into a 3 bed semi in the suburbs on Monday. I’m grateful for the extra space and the proximity to the in laws particularly as we’re expecting our first child in April. But I’ve got a nagging sense of dread about being further from work/friends/city life. I know you can’t have everything and a longer commute is a small price to pay. But still I’m only 30 and am worried OH and I will struggle with the change of scene.

Have you discussed this with your OH? There are a lot of major changes coming up. Moving house and having a child, both very stressful but also, great things to look forward to. You fear being cut off from everyone and unfortunately, that's not made any better by the current pandemic.

But I do think that your worries are perfectly normal, lots of major changes are happening at once and you don't seem to be sleeping and lack of sleep can really affect your mood and make things seem far worse than they really are. 

You could do worse than have a chat with your GP (I know it's difficult to actually visit at the moment but phone chats are allowed) - it could be helpful and it's sometimes good to just have a different perspective on things.

Big changes are scary though, try to give yourself a break and have some talks with your OH and if you feel up to it, your GP.

Good luck with the move, hope all works out well. Sounds like you have some supportive in-laws, anyway, which is always good. I hope! 

lincroft1710

Don't be worried by the eccentric behaviour of your neighbour, most of them of reasonably harmless.

If you see a little wooden cross in the garden don't dig there.

You may not like the patio, but it would be best if you left it as is and certainly do NOT dig under it.

All the hedges and trees are there for a purpose, so that no-one can hear you SCREAM.

movinghelp

Thanks all for the (mostly) kind responses. 
My question isn’t please hold my hand, it was please tell me your experiences so I can have some perspective on whether / how much I’ll struggle with the change of scene from city to suburbs. I always think it’s arrogant to assume you’ll know how something will feel, so why not ask people how that move was for them? 

To answer some questions, I do think life will change post children and maybe that’s something else I’m worried about. I live in Australia (hence the 5am post!) and so I’m very far physically from family and (old) friends. Yes I’m grateful to have a job and even more grateful to live somewhere the pandemic is largely under control but that means I worry about my father back home and have invested hugely in my friendships as a surrogate family. Those friends are wonderful but mostly single, living in the city and going out several times a week thanks to having a good disposable income. My lifestyle will naturally be quite different soon. 

Being an expat can make you feel vulnerable. I’ve lent on OH as he understands the house hunting areas much better than I do. We’re moving to somewhere he grew up. It’s safe, we’ll have a garden and good schools and supportive grandparents nearby. Of course I know how lucky I am, particularly as my Mum died when I was 21. 

My main fear is the area is quiet, near a station but there’s not much of a high street to speak of. We live very close to shops, restaurants, cafes, parks and the beach and all of that will be further away. I’m worried about being isolated with a little one, not knowing many other parents nearby (mothers groups are few and far between with covid and I’m not the most outgoing person when it comes to meeting strangers anyway). I’m also not the most confident driver and don’t want to rely too much on OH.

Being on maternity leave is also a daunting prospect. My career is important to me and I worry I’ll lose momentum, it’ll be a pressure on my relationship to have one income and currently my OH is grappling with potential redundancy (hoping this is unlikely but worst case scenario I’ll go back to work early and he’ll take care of our daughter). All very normal concerns I know when you go through major life changes so I really do appreciate the thoughts and well wishes. 

movinghelp

Update. We moved in 3 weeks ago and the commute has been much easier than expected. 30 min bus and 25 min walk which actually has been quite pleasant. The house is great, having moved before and had previous owners leave it in a state with abandoned furniture etc this was a very pleasant surprise. No real neighbour noise (a 4 year old next door and 2 dogs who bark occasionally), we haven’t had any friends round yet but have seen the in laws every weekend for a quick swim / birthday / lunch. I’ve also seen my friends after work which put my mind at ease. Fingers crossed it continues to go well.