How much board to charge?

Savvy_Sue

Whiterose23 said:

His Dad pays for his phone as I couldn’t afford to, and is a firm believer that they should pay their own way once they start work. He doesn’t want either of them to go to university as he thinks it’s a waste of money, but probably more to do with him not wanting to support them any more.

Does the support agreement say that Dad will pay until they finish Uni? If not, I don't believe he has to - which is his choice, and the children will KNOW how much he supported them, or not. 

Always when this question is asked, you'll find a split of opinion: those who would NEVER ask an adult child for 'keep', and those who would ALWAYS do so. Scattered in there are those who ask whether you NEED to do so - and it sounds as if you do. You are definitely worse off than you were before, and it's part of adult life to understand how much it costs to run a household. 

If that £150 covers what you've lost in terms of single person discount on the Council Tax and Child Benefit, and that's all you feel comfortable charging, don't feel guilty about it. He's got a very good deal: make sure he knows this. Remember, it's not just you, you've got a younger child too. 

If he starts quibbling or moaning or treating the place like a hotel and you like a personal chauffeur, suggest he finds out what local rents are like. ;-)

RobM99

Local rent? Round here, a one-bed flat ~£900 a month. (S Essex, near the Dartford crossing).

Pollycat

Does your son think £150 per month is reasonable?

pollypenny

When our son was on a year's placement from uni he took over my car and was paid £8000 for the year (1995).   We charged him £100 a month as a contribution. 

He cost us more like £100 a week to feed!  😄. 

We didn't give him what was saved, but some years later a considerable deposit for his first house 

Whiterose23

Pollycat said:

Does your son think £150 per month is reasonable?

He hasn’t offered an opinion on whether he does or doesn’t...

Whiterose23

pollypenny said:

When our son was on a year's placement from uni he took over my car and was paid £8000 for the year (1995).   We charged him £100 a month as a contribution. 

He cost us more like £100 a week to feed!  😄. 

We didn't give him what was saved, but some years later a considerable deposit for his first house 

It seems to be the general approach that board is charged but with the intention of giving it back later. Unfortunately I’m not in that position .... although as with any parent I will try to help them when they need it. Unfortunately the money they give me will be used to pay bills and keep our home heated, bills paid and food on the table. However they have their phone bills paid for by their father and my sons insurance is covered by me on my own car insurance. So ultimately I think it’s probably a fair amount but would like to have taken less.

Marvel1

Whiterose23 said:

pollypenny said:

When our son was on a year's placement from uni he took over my car and was paid £8000 for the year (1995).   We charged him £100 a month as a contribution. 

He cost us more like £100 a week to feed!  😄. 

We didn't give him what was saved, but some years later a considerable deposit for his first house 

It seems to be the general approach that board is charged but with the intention of giving it back later.

I would ignore this, it's saying their child cannot be trusted to save or think for themselves.

Savvy_Sue

Marvel1 said:

Whiterose23 said:

pollypenny said:

When our son was on a year's placement from uni he took over my car and was paid £8000 for the year (1995).   We charged him £100 a month as a contribution. 

He cost us more like £100 a week to feed!  😄. 

We didn't give him what was saved, but some years later a considerable deposit for his first house 

It seems to be the general approach that board is charged but with the intention of giving it back later.

I would ignore this, it's saying their child cannot be trusted to save or think for themselves.

Plus, it's only said by those who could afford to do so. The OP is not in that happy position: you NEED that contribution!

I don't really know whether I NEEDED rent from each DS when they lived here briefly around Uni - not during vacations, two came home after graduation and one was here until he got a place in halls. But I said to DS1 "I have to ask for a contribution, because if I don't charge you anything, I will NEVER get anything from DS3 should he ever want to live at home." He had no problem with that. Nor did DS2. Predictably, DS3 didn't think I should have anything, but I said his grant was NOT all spending money, and some of it was to cover food etc. 

I think charging something gives an important message: you're a grownup, and grownups contribute to the household in which they are living. There may be discussion about how much, what the bills are, whether we could reduce them etc. As well as that fairly nominal contribution for rent, there were odd jobs to help with, occasional meals to cook, shopping to buy etc, because we parents were working all day, and they were not (at least not initially). 

Yes, you start those lessons BEFORE they are grownups, in an age appropriate way, but you reinforce it as grownups. 

Obviously if the (adult) child is saving for something in particular you may decide to charge less and let them build their savings. Obviously you discuss why you are charging what you are charging. But if the adult child feels it's too much, you invite them to find accommodation cheaper. 

That's may take on it anyway. 

Whiterose23

My son will have over £700 to do with what he pleases each month. He intends to save half so he’ll have around £350 or around £85 a week for socialising. I have about that amount spare too, but it has to cover clothes for myself and my other child, as well as anything unexpected. Arguably I could probably charge a bit less if I cut back on a few things but it would be a strain and I don’t think I should have to think that way now there’s another working adult in the house. In 18 mo this time he will be earning £6k+ more so will be even better off than now.

Savvy_Sue

Whiterose23 said:

My son will have over £700 to do with what he pleases each month. He intends to save half so he’ll have around £350 or around £85 a week for socialising. I have about that amount spare too, but it has to cover clothes for myself and my other child, as well as anything unexpected. Arguably I could probably charge a bit less if I cut back on a few things but it would be a strain and I don’t think I should have to think that way now there’s another working adult in the house. In 18 mo this time he will be earning £6k+ more so will be even better off than now.

Personally, I think it would be better to go in a bit high rather than go in too low and have to negotiate an increase quickly ... 

And I agree with you, with another working adult in the house there is no reason you should 'strain' unnecessarily.