Early stages of proving paternity, any help or advice?

My partner has recently received contact from a lady who claims he is the father to her child. They met once on a very casual basis (prior to him meeting me) over 2 years ago and the child is roughly 16 months. She originally said there was a 50/50 change that my partner was the farther however, the other male in question has taken a DNA test and the results show that the other male is not the father. I think there’s a clear likeness of my partner in photos and I’m pretty sure it’s his. If the child is his, my partner is happy to financially support the child and is keen to see the child as much as possible. The news of the other child is a complete shock and my partner is frustrated that it’s taken over 2 years for the lady to get in touch. He feels that he’s missed the first 16 months of potentially his child’s life (the lady is refusing to give him any explanation as to why it’s taken so long to get in touch). I suggested that they both communicate via the CSM (as she was refusing to complete an at home DNA test and she was untruthful on a few occasions) They’re now going through the stages of arranging a DNA test to prove paternity. The issue is, the child lives 4 hours away (220 miles), does anyone has any experience in long distance parenting? Or has any custody of the child?
In terms of child maintenance, am I right in thinking that this will be a percentage of my partners income and my income won’t be taken into consideration? 

All this chaos is of no fault to this poor child, my partner just wants to do what’s right and see/have him as much as he can.

Sorry if I’ve rambled, I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and a natural worrier so any help or advice would be appreciated! 

Comments

  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    You're correct, his income is taken into account, not yours. 

    Once paternity is established, he will be paying 12% of his gross income; less 1/7 per day per week he has the child. At this stage i'd expect that to be every other weekend - that's what the courts would likely order.
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 45,811
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    The news of the other child is a complete shock and my partner is frustrated that it’s taken over 2 years for the lady to get in touch. He feels that he’s missed the first 16 months of potentially his child’s life (the lady is refusing to give him any explanation as to why it’s taken so long to get in touch).
    Call me cynical, but I'd wonder if she'd remained in relationship with the other chap, and he's either taken off or challenged her assertion that he's the father, correctly it seems. 

    I hope you can make this work: I'm not sure I'd make any arrangements to try and see the child before paternity is established, but then it seems to me the only way to go is initially through some weekend visits. Which, of course, is potentially tricky given where you are in your pregnancy, and dependent on where you and they live.

    HOWEVER, while your partner wants to be supportive and establish / maintain a relationship, it's possible that the mother is only after his money. 
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • *update* the women in question now doesn’t want my partner to proceed via the CSA and doesn’t want to proceed with a DNA test. I don’t think that she expected my partner to want any visitation rights, she said in the phone that “it’s my boy and I don’t want to share him”. Now that my partner knows that this child is potentially his, can he legally request a DNA test? 
  • Im note sure of the answer to your question but would just say one thing. She spoke on the phone about not wanting to share the child. try to get her to say something like that by text or email and hold on to it. My husband was once in a relationship and had a child which he fought for access to see. The mother made it impossible by repeatedly moving home and changing to addresses in different areas of the country and she married and changed the boys surname and my husband was not able to find him till he was almost 30. 
    When he did he was gutted to find that his son had always been told that his dad walked away, didnt want him and had never  had any interest in him. Despite my husband trying to explain what actually happened his son does not want to know him as he believes everything his mother has told him. If you can get proof of what she is saying then hold on to it as one day it may be invaluable.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    *update* the women in question now doesn’t want my partner to proceed via the CSA and doesn’t want to proceed with a DNA test. I don’t think that she expected my partner to want any visitation rights, she said in the phone that “it’s my boy and I don’t want to share him”. Now that my partner knows that this child is potentially his, can he legally request a DNA test? 
    Yes. First you must do mediation, then court. For court you need form PR1 and C100. 

    You may aswell get the forms now, as the mediation service needs to stamp the C100 before you can proceed. 
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    Have you considered that not wanting a DNA test or CSA involvement may mean that this woman knows or strongly suspects that the child isn't your partner's - and that she had just been trying for some money?
    I think £500 for certainty is money well spent. 
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,198
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    Your partner can apply to the court for a child arrangements order seeking contact with the child. He can state that he believes that he is the father. The court is likely to take the view that it is in the child's interest to know for sure one way or the other.

    If your partner is the father then he will be liable for child support even if he does not get contact. In terms of contact, it's likely this would start gradually, perhaps with your partner travelling to see the child locally to where child lives, at a contact center, until the child gets to know him, then gradually increasing. Once they have a relationship and the child is comfortable with hi he would be able to look at increasing the contact to include overnight and longer stays. As the child gets older, indirect contact such as phone or video call can also be added,. 
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
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