Ex refusing child maintenance

carebear78

Hi all, I am currently looking for some advice regarding child maintenance and a very stubborn ex husband. We separated in January 2015 and divorced December 2018. We have a joint mortgage but neither of us can buy the other one out. It’s interest only and I’ve been living here with our youngest child and paying it by myself since 2016. He lives with his new partner in her private rented house. I’ve asked him if he can start paying towards the upbringing our son who is 9 years old and he’s told me that he won’t. He said that when we separated we made an agreement that I could stay in the house and pay the “very low” mortgage providing he doesn’t pay any child maintenance, I have the memory of a goldfish so I can’t remember if I agreed to that or not?!  I’ve mentioned claiming child maintenance to him before and he got quite nasty and threatened to move back in or sell the house, he is really emotionally draining when he gets like that. I don’t know what to do, I’m on a very low wage and I’m finding it hard not getting any maintenance off him at all. Can any one offer any advice please? Thank you x

Savvy_Sue

Because you have a child, I believe that when your divorce was finalised there would have been some kind of financial order made. You need to find that, and if you can't, go back to your solicitor.

But long term, you might want to consider whether moving wouldn't be in your best interests. How much equity is in the house?

ZaSa1418

Have a look at the financial order in your divorce and see if there is anything in there.
I would understand if he was paying half the mortgage in lieu of maintenance but he isnt so his 'He said that when we separated we made an agreement that I could stay in the house and pay the “very low” mortgage providing he doesn’t pay any child maintenance,' is in his favour in my opinion.
Once you have had a look stop discussing it with him and just go the the CMS and get them to sort maintenance out. 

carebear78

Savvy_Sue said:

Because you have a child, I believe that when your divorce was finalised there would have been some kind of financial order made. You need to find that, and if you can't, go back to your solicitor.

But long term, you might want to consider whether moving wouldn't be in your best interests. How much equity is in the house?

Hi, thank you for replying. I didn’t deal
with the divorce at all, it was all him, I got sent the paper work which I signed but like a dummy I didn’t really read it. It should be here somewhere, I will
have to dig it out. I’m not sure what equity we have, if anything at all, he told me in the last conversation we had that he will be splitting his share of equity with our children

carebear78

ZaSa1418 said:

Have a look at the financial order in your divorce and see if there is anything in there.
I would understand if he was paying half the mortgage in lieu of maintenance but he isnt so his 'He said that when we separated we made an agreement that I could stay in the house and pay the “very low” mortgage providing he doesn’t pay any child maintenance,' is in his favour in my opinion.
Once you have had a look stop discussing it with him and just go the the CMS and get them to sort maintenance out. 

Hi, thanks for replying. I need to dig out the mortgage paperwork, I don’t really know what was said in it, he was hassling me to sign it via text and phone calls so that’s what I did, signed it and sent it straight off, I regret doing that now! He literally hasn’t paid me a penny for our son since we split up 5 years ago, he will occasionally buy him a new pair of trainers or pay towards his uniform once a year but that’s it, I asked him last week if he could transfer some money over to pay for lunchbox items for this week and he reply was “why are you in this position that you’re having to ask me for money for lunchbox stuff” 
I’m afraid to just go ahead and claim without consulting him first because last time i tried that he was hammering the front door threatening to move back in, I really don’t know what to do

lozzy81

Go to the CMS and start an application, his threats of moving back in will just be that, idol threats, i doubt his new partner would be happy with that. 

carebear78

Thank you I don’t know where I stand legally with that though? I mean is he entitled to just move back in seeing as he’s on the mortgage too? He would do it to spite me, he did it before, we had been separated for 6 months then he just moved back in! It was horrible!

Penguin_

Start the claim now, as you cannot back date it!

ZaSa1418

carebear78 said:

ZaSa1418 said:

Have a look at the financial order in your divorce and see if there is anything in there.
I would understand if he was paying half the mortgage in lieu of maintenance but he isnt so his 'He said that when we separated we made an agreement that I could stay in the house and pay the “very low” mortgage providing he doesn’t pay any child maintenance,' is in his favour in my opinion.
Once you have had a look stop discussing it with him and just go the the CMS and get them to sort maintenance out. 

Hi, thanks for replying. I need to dig out the mortgage paperwork, I don’t really know what was said in it, he was hassling me to sign it via text and phone calls so that’s what I did, signed it and sent it straight off, I regret doing that now! He literally hasn’t paid me a penny for our son since we split up 5 years ago, he will occasionally buy him a new pair of trainers or pay towards his uniform once a year but that’s it, I asked him last week if he could transfer some money over to pay for lunchbox items for this week and he reply was “why are you in this position that you’re having to ask me for money for lunchbox stuff” 
I’m afraid to just go ahead and claim without consulting him first because last time i tried that he was hammering the front door threatening to move back in, I really don’t know what to do

Did you ever go to court? I can't see that a judge would deem it fair that you have to pay the mortgage yourself and also get no maintenance for your son. Even not having representation i cant see a judge not questioning it and asking you to attend to check you were happy. 
Find all the paperwork you can and go to the CMS. 
I do think it is empty threats but if it isnt and he shows up banging at the door call the police and explain that he is being threatening and then they will make him leave. How long ago did he live in your home? 

carebear78

Hi, no I never went to court, he dealt with everything because he wanted it done in a rush. He last lived here the end of 2015 before I moved back in 

popadom

If he bangs on the door like that, call the police and let them know you feel threatened. With bullies like that, you need to show them you don't fear them. I would book an appointment with the council and ask for advice. He has to pay for the upkeep of his child, whether he likes it or not. You need to decide if the house is worth this man dictating your life for the next 18 years. You can bet as soon as your son is old enough, he'll push to sell the house. I'd get it there before he does and at least you are in control of the situation.