Rational/Irrational fear about children

pickledonionspaceraider

This is extreme if you are finding it to be overwhelming your day to day life, and constantly thinking about it.

I admit, it is a worry, any parent would worry about it - but the difference is there is a fine line between normal parental worry (ie laying in bed at night waiting for the key in the door) and having anxiety take over your every day thoughts constantly, and affect your other relationships.

Anxiety is worrying over something that hasn't happened / worry it may happen in the future. Worry is about what is happening now - and I think you have anxiety. The lad hasn't even done his test yet and you are already on pins.

The way I see it, is you cannot make your worry become his worry, as they grow into adults. You ensure he has the best kit / lessons and then hope he doesn't injure himself, i mean he doesn't want to injure himself anymore than you want him to.

I do feel for you. 

Teenage years are hard for parents, I think. 

A mere two years ago, he was still a schoolboy relying on you for much stuff, and now hes on the cusp of manhood.  He will have been prepping for that, along with his peers, and looking to the future.  But parents, we aren't trained for this .....this total lack of control and provision of safety, that we have on them - as they pull away in to their own independent future, is hard to grasp

Kids are growing, by nature, ever evolving, but we - as adults aren't evolving like that,  and it really does seem the blink of an eye from cradle to manhood....and to adjust at the rate they do, is nigh on impossible for us

It is hard.  You aren't doing anything wrong.  I don't know the answers and these are just my observations 

Slinky

I keep reading the title as Rational fear of children...........

fairyclairethehare

@Slinky I think a rational fear of children is just a valid thread as any other

So the fear isn't there all the time, but every now and then it just gets too much, like the night I wrote this thread. Most the time it's okay. 

It is his choice, and I will fully support him in his choice even if I don't like it. I had booked the CBT but this has now been cancelled due to covid. 
I have supported and encouraged him since he was small to try different things, explore different horizons and so on. I've not wrapped him in cotton wool, he's been wild camping in the depths of Wales, he's done 10 tors training walking miles across the countryside with other children (event cancelled due to covid) and DofE. 

I think @pickledonionspaceraider hits the nail and we spend our lives shaping our children to go out and live fantastic lives but we forget to prepare ourselves. 
2 years time he hopes to join the Navy, this doesn't fill me with dread, I think it's a great opportunity for him.

But with the bike I think it is the other road users that worry me rather than my Son's behaviour.

badmemory

Once they become more independent teenagers some of us will never stop worrying.  If you think the first day at school was bad, just wait for the first day at work & as for the first date (as in the overnight type).  I found that all I could do was distract myself.  I've become quite successful over the last nearly 40 years.  If you are born a worrier you will always worry, you just need to develop some techniques for dealing with it.

As for driving etc many (& I do mean many) years ago my father always said it wasn't my driving he worried about but the other idiots on the road!  Nothing much changes does it?