Money Moral Dilemma: Should I insist on paying my colleague for the chair she gave me?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I needed an office chair for working from home, and a colleague offered me a brand new one for free. It was delivered to her missing a screw, and when she contacted the firm they sent her a new chair, so she had it spare. It's worth £200, but she refused to take anything from me - even though she drove it to my home. I feel bad accepting something she could have sold for a decent sum, but don't want to dismiss her generosity by forcing her to take money. Should I insist on paying her something? 

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. 

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Mojisola

As she has said that she doesn't want paying, ask her if she has a preferred charity that you could donate to.

Added:  When we pass on stuff we no longer need, we do it for free and just ask the person to 'pay it forward' when the opportunity arises through some kind of good deed.

marlot

As suggested, ask her to nominate a charity.
I often give things away in return for the recipient giving what they consider a fair amount to our local foodbank.
I don't ask them how much they gave, or proof they've done it.
Or, as an alternative, take them out for lunch (covid restrictions permitting)?

TELLIT01

If I had given somebody something, and refused any payment, I would get pretty p'd off if they kept pressing the matter.  It would certainly be the last time I gave them anything.

ElefantEd

You should either

a) break into their house at night and leave some money on the kitchen table in an envelope with a coded message to tell them it's for the chair

or

b) moan about the missing screw and pester them to provide you with a replacement (at their expense)

More seriously, your colleague was probably glad to get rid of something that was cluttering up their house, and pleased that it went somewhere where it was of use. If you want to show your appreciation, buy them a bottle of wine, a good book or some chocolates, or as others have said, make a donation to charity.

t0rt0ise

I'd give her a present. Chocs, wine or whatever you know she likes.

MartinWhitehead

I'm sure a bunch of flowers would not be refused

amandacat

I often give things away for free that I could sell. Sometimes it just feels nice to do a good deed particularly in the struggles of the current climate. Other times I
do it to clear space quickly and avoid the hassle of selling. If someone tried to give me money after I refused I’d be frustrated  but like others have said, flowers, chocs or wine might be a welcome token of your appreciation. 

MegaFrown

I wouldn't offer her money it would be awkward as you have already offered. She got the chair for free, she knows and you know. She probably won't sell it, I wouldn't, the whole thing would be hassle I could do without. She probably just wanted it gone. A thank you gift for brining it would be lovely and I bet really appreciated. A little note thanking her for the comfort to keep it light :-)

LB003g0676

The people who are saying "If I gave something to someone for free and they tried to pay me for it, I'd be annoyed", possibly need to realise that your gesture not being received exactly as you intended is ironically not very thoughtful of you.

And in my answer to the OP, but also the situation to which I've referred I'd suggest that a conversation will solve everything! I think as the gifting party acknowledging that the receiving party might be uncomfortable about it is good, and explaining to the receiving party you'd be upset if they offered money is good. I also think as the receiving party acknowledging that the gifting party is taking some satisfaction from the gift is good, and explaining to the gifting part that you're incredibly grateful and would like to show that in return somehow is also good.

Everyone wants to be happy, find a compromise.

hdknight88

You have been blessed.  Your colleague has been given a gift, so she passed the gift on. Pay it forward.  There are lots of charities out there to give money or items to.