Sports team behaviour, what is acceptable?

Manxman_in_exile

ceremony said:

I'm a female athlete in a male-dominated sport too. I've had bad things happen and for all that people say "oh, that's terrible, we wouldn't let that happen HERE" or "people shouldn't be doing that", nothing changes when you complain. It does help if you can complain as a group, or complain anonymously to the NGB.

Other than that, if the option exists then leaving to go to a smaller club that's less competitive could help. Depending on the sport I've noticed that the more 'casual' clubs tend to attract a better demographic. The more 'casual' coaches area also more willing to stamp out bad behaviour because they're not scared of losing a talented athlete by telling them off

What you say there is very true unfortunately.  Where competition is important to a club, those who are the most competitive are often allowed to get away with murder.  And, again unfortunately, that level of competition doesn't even need to be at a particularly high level.  But I agree that "casual" or "recreational" is often nicer, better, and more enjoyable. 

I suspect there is not a wide range of clubs to choose from in this case.

Manxman_in_exile

silverwhistle said:

Of course it's not acceptable, doesn't matter the sport or the level. In my women's football team we do communicate via social media groups but anything untoward would be clamped down on immediately. There's always cliques within teams, and groups of mates, but what you describe would be completely unacceptable.  We have a safeguarding officer in the club as girls of 16 can play 'adult' football and I assume most organised sports have similar?  As a super veteran I always communicate through the group to be seen to be above board: sad but safe.

Raising concerns is difficult, and I once had a situation, when I was playing abroad, of the grooming of a minor. I observed things and raised it with an older player, but she was both nice and naive, so got nowhere there. I can speak the language but it's difficult when you don't know the local ropes. Later I spoke  to an ex-player about it: "why do you think I left the team?" she said, in disgust, and she had got nowhere either.

So raise it with others, discreetly; research guidelines at national level, including protection for whistleblowers, and come back here for support if you need it.

Banana_republic,  I think the above is a really good post.  If your club (or your friend's club) doesn't have a safeguarding officer (I don't know the criteria*) she ought to raise the idea with the club committee.  (I suspect they may not have enough or any younger players though?).

Point out to them that they really don't want the club possibly involved in anything untoward that could attract bad publicity.  (theoretica made a similar point).  That could be a racism story or a bullying or sex scandal story like American gymnastics

I also like the idea of a "super veteran".  There ought to be a place within the club hierarchy and WhatsApp for a role model role showing younger members how to behave responsibly.

But personally, I wouldn't try too hard to change their behaviour.  I'd just leave and possibly contact the police.

*EDIT:  Surely there can't be a sports club in the country that doesn't have a safeguarding officer?  What you describe is unhealthy (possibly criminal) behaviour in a cub that might have junior members?

Manxman_in_exile

Petriix said:

My 5-a-side football group has a WhatsApp group which constantly gets spammed with !!!!!! and other offensive content. I simply left the WhatsApp group and asked the organiser to message or email me individually with any important communication.

Sorry to say it but that's a really sad indictment of your colleagues.  Rather than opt out of WhatsApp I'd vote with my feet.

BananaRepublic

Manxman_in_exile said:

But personally, I wouldn't try too hard to change their behaviour.  I'd just leave and possibly contact the police.

*EDIT:  Surely there can't be a sports club in the country that doesn't have a safeguarding officer?  What you describe is unhealthy (possibly criminal) behaviour in a cub that might have junior members?

Let’s call this club the Wombats for the sake of argument, and the game rocket ball. I was a member of the Wombats for over a year when it was started, and stayed with them when we moved to a different pitch. The WhatsApp discussions were spirited but not obscene, just mickey taking and joking. We sometimes had a 12 year old train with us, with his dad, and the kid outplayed most of us. He will play at pro level for sure. There was no safeguarding officer.

I trained with another club, the Badgers, for six months, no safeguarding officer. But the manager and coach were serious about keeping behaviour on the rails, just good natured mickey taking. They had rules and codes of conduct. I left because of bullying by one person, I am sure they would have done their best to sort it, but leaving was best IMO. I was in above my level. 

I’m not sure what the current Wombats club has, but from what I hear safeguarding officers do not exist in any rocket ball club. Each club has a coach, and a manager. Rocket ball clubs are not allowed members under 16, and under 18 members are allowed with conditions ie there must be extra safeguards in place. Obviously there are junior rocket ball clubs, and yes safeguards must be in place. 

I think you would find that were I to contact the police, I would not be able to train anywhere without being at serious risk of injury while on or off the playing field. Many people in industry who whistle blow end up destroying their careers. It isn’t an option. 

BananaRepublic

theoretica said:

One option would be to start discussion not as 'I am complaining about this' but along the lines of do you realise how bad the consequences could be if the club was associated with this, it has clearly got out of hand...  I imagine a bit of news report searching could come up with some news articles to refer to of other clubs which had scandals or worse.

That is a really sensible approach, make them see their behaviour as outsiders see it, and encourage them to want to change, rather than actively rocking the boat. 

silverwhistle

Manxman_in_exile said:

I also like the idea of a "super veteran".  There ought to be a place within the club hierarchy and WhatsApp for a role model role showing younger members how to behave responsibly.

It's not a formal title, just reflects that some of the girls are a quarter my age.:-)  But I do put effort and enthusiasm in and managed a full game the other week (ruined me for days, mind), and in that respect I try to be a good example.

At least in women's football there are now more teams available - when I was young there were hardly any - so you can now take the option to move. But in minority sports that won't be the case, and in my enthusiasm for playing my own sport (as a late starter in an organised way) I do understand Banana's dilemma.