Sports team behaviour, what is acceptable?

BananaRepublic

Today I met someone I hadn't seen for ages. She is in a sports team I want to join, but for reasons I don't want to disclose it's now quite hard to get in. We got chatting and I was shocked by what she told me. The team uses WhatsApp to communicate, and the chat is full of pornography and extreme 'jokes' including blatant racism. For example, someone posted an image of a small black child and a vulture. The caption to the image was something like "Can you spare £1 to provide this vulture with more [n-word plural ]". I saw another post that was a video with someone opening a Mexican passport, and out pops a huge todger attached to a naked male inside the passport. She told me she felt threatened by these posts as she is the only female in the team. It isn't everyone that posts such content, just a minority, apparently they are mostly recent joiners from one particular region of the country. IMO these posts are totally out of order. I suggested she complain to the coaches. She said she had spoken to one of the top people, and he has since blanked her. She could leave and train with one team only (she is a member of two teams), or she could make a formal complaint. The problem of course is that it's a small world, and were she to complain, she might get a reputation that followed her around and damaged her future.

Last year I complained about bullying including physical intimidation (being knocked flying during a game), verbal threats during a game when I went to tackle the bully ("don't come near me or'l I'll BLEEP flatten you"), and in one session I had a minute or so when he repeatedly challenged me to a fight, it was scary. As a result of my complaint, the bully told lies about me to team mates and countless people are now bullying me e.g. shooting the 'ball' directly at me. (It's not a ball, but an object that can for example break bones. I broke a finger once when hit by this object. An acquaintance lost numerous teeth.)

My friend is concerned that because she has complained about the behaviour, that she might be attacked in a game tomorrow e.g. deliberately flattened by one of the posters of nasty content. I said that was unlikely, she might get some dirty looks or comments behind her back, but no more. Of course that is only my view.

So, I would appreciate comments from others involved in team sports. Is this behaviour considered normal or acceptable? If not, what can she realistically do about it? I suspect the racist post I mentioned could constitute criminal behaviour, but realistically she just wants such posts to end. I am considering whether or not I want to train with a team that considers such posts acceptable. To be honest I wouldn't touch them with a bargepole if these posts are allowed.

elsien

Of course it’s not normal or acceptable. It carries on because people leave rather than calling it out. It’s likely that more people feel uncomfortable but no one wants to be the first to make a stand. 

Her options are a complaint (she’s tried the informal route), putting up with it, or leaving then following it up. Alternatively she could sound others out and tackle it as a group. Is there any sort of governing body/code of conduct? 

theoretica

Does the sport have an official governing body?

BananaRepublic

theoretica said:

Does the sport have an official governing body?

In answer to you and the other person, yes there is. But as I indicated, complaining to them is the nuclear option and risks making her a pariah. I complained about bullying, and became a pariah for many people. 

BananaRepublic

elsien said:

Of course it’s not normal or acceptable. It carries on because people leave rather than calling it out. It’s likely that more people feel uncomfortable but no one wants to be the first to make a stand. 

Her options are a complaint (she’s tried the informal route), putting up with it, or leaving then following it up. Alternatively she could sound others out and tackle it as a group. Is there any sort of governing body/code of conduct? 

Sounding out other people is a very good idea. Strength in numbers.  👍🏻

theoretica

One thing I would do is go to the governing body website and read all the small print you or she can find: the codes of conduct, safeguarding advice for clubs, complaints policies etc    It may give her some ideas as well as a good knowledge of official routes open to her as she decides whether to take them or not. 

Barny1979

Personally I wouldn't want to associate with team mates like that, so would look for another team if possible?

BananaRepublic

There seem to be no regulations about conduct outside of games, apart from coaches who must act to prevent racism and bullying. 

Manxman_in_exile

What your female friend ought to do is report the WhatsApp communications to the police as I suspect the two examples you give are almost a 100% certainty criminal offences.  Personally I would consider that the "nuclear option" rather than merely complaining to the governing body.  (Am I seeing some connection with "steel"?).

If she doesn't want her former team mates to be embarrassed by criminal convictions, she could just try complaining to the club, the governing body or even the International Federation.  I'm not sure if your sport benefits from any government funding (if it's the one I'm thinking of I suspect it may not) but that could be an avenue of complaint too.

Personally I would not want to associate myself with that club but I suspect that not everywhere has any other club(s) to join.

(Got to ask - I think I know what sport it might be, but can you indicate what part of the country the worst offenders seem to come from?  That seems odd.  Or maybe not).

I suspect the sport has very few non-white participants...?

BananaRepublic

I’d rather be very circumspect to avoid anyone connecting the dots, as it’s a small community. The worst ones play at a higher level and are younger, and I assume it’s the youth aspect (18+) that is the issue ie immaturity. Yes of course going to the police is the hydrogen bomb option, but that would leave a lot of fallout, and IMO this is due to lack of control and stupidity, not malice. 

She is going to sound out the more sensible team mates, a small group complaining would be a safer less antagonistic option and help protect her. 

BananaRepublic

Manxman_in_exile said:

I suspect the sport has very few non-white participants...?

Last night we had one black person, two weeks earlier we had one British Asian. It isn’t a black sport, unlike football, if you understand what I mean,