First Steps to Solvency

Drawingaline

You have taken such positive steps forward, especially as a couple. And you do sound like you are enjoying family life. 

Agree with finding some things son enjoys. Lego does tend to be popular with that age group. This summer my 8yr old became obsessed with his family tree and I enjoyed helping him out with that (with help from grandparents). Things like this can be done together in small bursts. Or even something as easy as playing snap, or snakes and ladders.

I am nearing my mid forties, but the few months before I actually turned 40 were awful. I was emotional, angry, sad, horrible to be around and a nightmare at work. Actually got reprimanded by my boss at the time! It eased after a bit, but that milestone affected me badly. 

mothsinmywallet_2

Great news that you and your wife are communicating so well. Such positives steps. You're !!!!!! smashing it!

I literally came on to your thread to drop an f bomb 🤣

alt80

Had a really good day with family today bit of time to think this evening but not too much. When I was in massive debt before, I knew I couldn’t face up to it (almost 100%) being a mindset thing. Regret that massively when I think about I put my business life in a worse position to go at the spending again. Had every excuse in the world BS like oh it’s the wife spending £20 on something never me buying stuff because in my head I was the only one who ‘deserved’ nice things.

 

I’ve always needed to earn well, put making money above everything else – knew the only thing I’m better at than making it is spending it. I know I don’t have the best personality traits in the world and I’ve let the greed monster consume me convinced I’d have no drive without it. Someone wrote on here I’d reached a ‘new low’ when I started to decide what my wife was driving. I didn’t see it like that but yes I bought for me pretended I was getting her ‘something better’ ‘for her’ and not just another toy for me. Not going to lie I don’t like who I am, always had the thinking ‘I may be x, y, z but I earn well’. Spend f**king well too never balancing the books because whatever I earn is never enough. Think £20k/m would do it – 100% I’d find a way to spend £25k/m if I earned the £20k/m lol. I think I’m a failure for my earnings especially when I either know or hear of someone earning more yet I know I am in a better place than most with that part of my life. Lots with less and lots needing to get by completely on what I spend each month on cars, less sometimes. Been dwelling on this stuff a lot – can’t change the past I know terrified for the future because what if my mind shift does switch and I stop wanting more so stop having any drive. Don’t think that will happen, did go to see a house today between family time not worth my while but buzzing for a deal on the way there haha.

 

@relievedsheff hope so taken my family for granted for far too long. As much as I want to treat my wife right now it’s time I got rid of the perpetual card debt for good and started to consider what I’m putting on finance in the future.

 

@getmore4less that’s my thinking mate. I get allocating to ‘pots’ to get an idea of where it’s going / forecast figures of what needs to be allocated to what but not sure why most on here see to stick 100% to it rather than offsetting where necessary but ensuring it balances over the course of the year? Pretty sure I’m not just giving myself an excuse to spend literally want to throw everything I can at the debts tbh – or am I falling into some kind of trap?

 

@monetxchange do you know I’m not sure I even wanted a career woman more a case of wanting what I haven’t got again. Was in a serious relationship before wife she was a lot more driven but constant arguments over stupid stuff like who was cooking, vacuuming etc. We both had too similar priorities I suppose.

 

Always find when the anger levels are high I don’t step away, count back from 50 or do 3 mins on chill app whatever – just don’t think about it until after. 

 

Son loves Lego have a few Lego related Xmas presents for him this year too. Ought to make 10/15 mins a day to spend a bit of time just doing something with him that he wants to do. Easier to walk the dog than tidy up his toys haha.

 

@Drawingaline Thanks and yes trying to take the steps forwards. I do enjoy spending time with my family just don’t get the same buzz as when making deals or spending. It’s more contentment with family than a high.

 

We were taking photos of things we saw out for a while and identifying them he liked that. Possibly give that a go again. As I mentioned he’s obsessed with Greece / Greek loves it when my dad calls and teaches him a new Greek word. He loves French class at school too.

 

The 40 thing is really bothering me – think it’s a bit of a watershed moment? Don’t really think I’m where I wanted to be or thought I’d be in life (definitely thought I’d have the 7 figure lifestyle by now).

 

@mothsinmywallet_2 hahaha keeping it f**king classy as always. 

PassElephant

You could teach your son some Greek cooking... It wouldn't be expensive to buy the ingredients and you could share the results on your family days out as a picnic. 
Maybe both do a Greek language course together. It's all brain stretching and time together.

ladyholly

Why are you tidying your sons lego. It should be instilled in him what you get out you put away,  believe me you will be doing any future wife/partner a favour. I dont think my dh has ever put anything away without nagging which I hate doing.

getmore4less

https://ideas.lego.com/projects/1c844106-591e-4c8d-83f2-962dc743da0a

https://ideas.lego.com/projects/03000575-f076-4105-bbae-bb1e43c1b59a

Probably a little young for full on Greek architecture history but there are some great sites in the region to build on the current interest  longer term. 

alt80

@PassElephant He would love doing some Greek cooking thanks. I'll get my dad to write something easy. Think my son is a bit young for Greek language course?

Speaking to my parents tomorrow. I'm considering just telling them I'm not in a great position financially but sorting it. They don't need to know anything but I'd kind of like to have a conversation about mindset with dad - addictive personality which I'm sure I've got.  

November card payment sense check please...

Just over a week to go until funds so started to look at 'November'. Can be a numbers man when I want to be so actually enjoyed doing this tonight wife thinks I'm properly losing the plot now ha. Always only avoided the numbers because I knew they didn't add up and would put me on a downer. Anyway over that now so here goes:

1. £1000 min/ usual payments. Set up DDs to take set amount adding up so the DD amount does not reduce as balances go down. Will reallocate again when BC1 has gone, split the difference between BC2 and M&S as they have the least amount of time remaining on 0%.
2. £100 from groceries budget reallocated to BC1 - I do not need to spend £200/m on booze + Champagne so have £100 budget for this and going to cut it to Fri/ Sat nights only should still buy a few bottles of wine to share with wife. 
3. £170 previous holiday budget reallocated to BC1.
4. £170 holiday budget from wife's nail income reallocated to BC1. Offset thing should work for me - do it all the time in the business and personal finances are now being run similarly. If I mess up we don't get a holiday if we can go next year... wife does know haha and for some reason still trusts me.

So £440 extra coming off BC1 and whatever we can make from sales. Not sure if a hope too far but I'm thinking BC1 might be gone by the end of November. Got an enquiry on the other watch which would come very close to clearing the remaining balance and xmas is coming so people are going to be buying! 

Not reallocating the £170/m emergency fund - in some ways I think it would be better to offset it and pay off cards but I think it's a bit of a psychological shift for the better and to hopefully start looking to the future. 

Had a really long discussion with wife about future. Her dad has always told the kids he feels it's important to own a home outright 'you can't go back from that' well you can in my case haha but anyway she brought this up. I told her I'm not concerned about mortgages and will remo for Jan 2023 up to 65LTV. She sees the BTLs as just a load of debt, doesn't really understand growth through further leverage told her long term I do want to work towards getting the LTVs on the BTLs down so no PGs but looking for growth right now and for the foreseeable. Thinking I can see where it goes for another decade then look at paying down to whatever LTV then required for no PGs before any further growth. If I work on paying down to 60/65LTV now to get no PGs won't be adding any further units for a while. She just sees further units as further debt, won't see the figures stack which is frustrating as trying to be open now but she just thinks it's a way for me to get a buzz and to stroke my ego through owning a load of property haha.

alt80

@ladyholly the memories I have of my parents saying 'what do you think this is? A hotel?!'. Sister got brave once (2 years older than me) 'Have you not read the big f**k off sign outside?' lol. As I've admitted before son is spoiled wife has never made him put his toys away.

@getmore4less Thank you they look great - though I'm not meant to be spending... 

He's a bit young for that definitely but we do love Greece ourselves - not really a chore going there. Used to go island hopping a lot so one for a few years time go see some sites with him and he doesn't see his grandparents enough. Not sure its going to help is insistence he's 'half Greek' hopefully will just grow out of that lol. 

PassElephant

Perhaps she is concerned that you might borrow more against the BTLs to cover personal spending again. 
It's awkward. Property is falling so you might get a real bargain, but property is falling still.
Perhaps explain yield, and ring fence against further borrowing until PG has gone.
There are free, easy conversation Greek courses. You would both cope with them and wouldn't it be lovely for him to have a short conversation with his grandparents in Greek on the phone or Skype?

alt80

@Sun_Addict@RelievedSheff / other NG people - The Banksy on the corner of Rothesay Ave. has been confirmed.