First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Not really it kind of goes without saying - she knows I can't make ends meet at the moment her solution is to tell me to make it work. Getting a lot of pressure from her to raise income - I know its just not sustainable right now and financial resilience will be what keeps the business going even through hard times. I set up just before the last recession and made it work when a lot of similar companies were going under. I'm not wrong about the way I handle my business but she doesn't see that, she just sees a healthy financial position for the business, doesn't understand it's not our money but the company's and me 'choosing' to make our lives harder.

RelievedSheff

You have to tell her this. Lay it all out in laymans terms in black and white and at the end of the conversation make sure that she understands she can not carry on spending as she is now. No if's no but's. It has to stop.

Or if she want's to carry on spending as she has been she has to get a job and earn the money. It's a simple choice for her and one that most adults should be able to understand given all of the facts and figures.

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

Not really it kind of goes without saying - she knows I can't make ends meet at the moment her solution is to tell me to make it work. Getting a lot of pressure from her to raise income - I know its just not sustainable right now and financial resilience will be what keeps the business going even through hard times. I set up just before the last recession and made it work when a lot of similar companies were going under. I'm not wrong about the way I handle my business but she doesn't see that, she just sees a healthy financial position for the business, doesn't understand it's not our money but the company's and me 'choosing' to make our lives harder.

She has a dreadful attitude and the typical spoilt child who has never had to earn her own money.  I think I would be taking cards off her at this point.  She needs to  join  the real world where people are being made redundant left right and centre rather than pressuring you to provide  more income for what is essentially fripperies. 

alt80

Looks like I'm going to be working until bedtime today so much for the earlier finishes. Decided I'm going to make an effort to spend an hour with family and just come back to it though.

She has one card - the others have been put somewhere safe. Don't really know what the answer is tbf very easy for her to have the 'its not my problem' attitude. Ultimately not her credit file that'll get decimated and tbf if I cut all my spending it shouldn't make enough of a difference to matter suppose it would just be nice to have a bit more support. It'll definitely be the last thing but if I have to downgrade my car that's what I'll have to do, not going to lose my home over it and that buys a lot of her stuff every month. 

A few of my tenants are going through the whole furlough/ redundancy issues right now, awful for them not great for me either but we'll all muddle through. Wife doesn't really understand if they don't pay (long term), I can't pay (not hidden the fact its mortgaged, she just can't see the banks will want their money no matter what happens with the wider economy - same goes for my personal issues too I'm sure she thinks the banks don't really care if I pay or not haha I wish).

QueenJess

alt80 said:

Looks like I'm going to be working until bedtime today so much for the earlier finishes. Decided I'm going to make an effort to spend an hour with family and just come back to it though.

That's a very sensible way of doing it.  It's what me and my DH do as neither of us have exactly 9-5 jobs.  That way we still get to spend time as a family.

alt80 said:

She has one card - the others have been put somewhere safe. Don't really know what the answer is tbf very easy for her to have the 'its not my problem' attitude. Ultimately not her credit file that'll get decimated and tbf if I cut all my spending it shouldn't make enough of a difference to matter suppose it would just be nice to have a bit more support. It'll definitely be the last thing but if I have to downgrade my car that's what I'll have to do, not going to lose my home over it and that buys a lot of her stuff every month. 

It sounds like she's been in a comfy situation for too long and has lost her grip on reality!  She should go and volunteer at a food bank or something and see something real.  Might make her reassess her situation.  You could take her card away, although the better way would be to get her to see reality.  Do you tell her about the situations you are seeing at work?

mamamu

alt80 said:

Looks like I'm going to be working until bedtime today so much for the earlier finishes. Decided I'm going to make an effort to spend an hour with family and just come back to it though.

She has one card - the others have been put somewhere safe. Don't really know what the answer is tbf very easy for her to have the 'its not my problem' attitude. Ultimately not her credit file that'll get decimated and tbf if I cut all my spending it shouldn't make enough of a difference to matter suppose it would just be nice to have a bit more support. It'll definitely be the last thing but if I have to downgrade my car that's what I'll have to do, not going to lose my home over it and that buys a lot of her stuff every month. 

A few of my tenants are going through the whole furlough/ redundancy issues right now, awful for them not great for me either but we'll all muddle through. Wife doesn't really understand if they don't pay (long term), I can't pay (not hidden the fact its mortgaged, she just can't see the banks will want their money no matter what happens with the wider economy - same goes for my personal issues too I'm sure she thinks the banks don't really care if I pay or not haha I wish).

Just get her monzo card transfer some money to it and say to her this is amount you can spend when it is spent it is spent. Wait until next payday. 

Simple  

rugbymadfamily

Sorry but I'm with some of the other posters on here, you're wife is being incredibly selfish with her attitude to your FAMILY finances. Not your finances but the family finances. It's a joint responsibility, what comes in seems to be solely falling to you, but what goes out is both of you. Therefore she has to buy in to this. To be honest, at this stage with her attitude I would give her one of those prepaid Mastercard type things and load a set amount on there each month that is in your budget and that's her spend for the month. Sounds brutal, but otherwise she is just going to keep spending and expecting you to make it work, that's not how a family team works and supports each other. Trouble is, it sounds very controlling to do that. But if the other option is family finances being completely f***ed forever more (leading potentially to loss of cars / home / sons education etc), then maybe this would be the lesser of two evils? Any extra money she earns doing nails etc, she can keep. But if you'll never get to the end of paying it down if spending keeps happening at this rate. You've compromised with your car going back, she needs to meet you part way.

To be honest, it's the way we've ended up in my marriage (I'm the higher earner and husband is the spender!) so he gets to keep £200  fun money from his salary every month to do whatever he likes with and the rest comes to the joint account where I look after it (pay mortgage / bills/ holidays etc). So I am practicing what I preach at least!

ohdearhowdidthathappen

I'd give her an account that you transfer a set amount to (£100pm?), once it's gone.....it's gone!  Any extra, she can EARN.  Honestly, her attitude stinks. So entitled  The fact she puts it on you to 'make it work' is unfair.
You sound like you're doing great at managing your personal daily spends though

PassElephant

@alt80
Having a card rejected at a beauty salon you rely on concentrates the mind.

theoretica

The thing about your wife's spending and attitude, is most people don't immediately take on board necessary changes.  You came here for advice because you realised you needed it, and went remarkably quickly through wanting to keep everything you had to a more realistic attitude and actions.  Your wife is hopefully doing the same thing but it seems slower, and with some aspects of shooting the messenger and this doesn't surprise me - she doesn't have your business background which gives you a healthy dose of reality and she wasn't the person who instigated this project because she was ready for it.    I do agree with other posters that actually clarity on exactly what she may spend might help, and a schedule for when this will be revisited, clarity for how she can earn more through nails or selling things she bought in the past, discussion of any expensive commitments she has coming up - prebooked appointments can be expensive to cancel. Does she know how much giving up the Ftype means to you? Also, perhaps like you in an earlier post she is short of ideas for free ways to fill her time (historically, this was one reason why music and watercolour drawing were desirable accomplishments in rich young ladies) and her habits are towards shopping.