First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

Great posts and fantastic to see those cards under £29k. Stop the beating yourself up over it. £1250 discretionary income is great and good to see you are thinking about savings pots too. My feeling would be get shot of BMW and get something through the business for a second car if you need one not only because the debt will be repaid 6 months earlier but you would have more than £30k saved towards RR balloon. That is less than 2 years away. Maybe look at second hand MG at some point in the future when you have your finances sorted but in the meantime take a step back from the car guys and also don't be afraid to say to friends you are living more sustainably due to economy so no sending you links to buy stuff. 

I love working out figures too ( my background is maths/accounting) and and it makes you feel more in control. 

TheAble

I agree with the others, don't feel bad. Leave the past in its place. You've still got loads of time on your side, and once you've established the good habits you'll find that everything becomes easy.

Jellytotts

When you get rid of the BMW why not try a few months without a 2nd car and see if it works.  

You may well find that the odd taxi fare when required is all you need.

Sarahwithlove

I thjnk the 5 yr fix is best ruing for you. That way you're wife will know you are taking her thoughts seriously and hopefully in 5 years you will be in much better place financially. 
Have you thought about having a major Declutter and selling some smaller items? I know before you had questioned if worth while but 20 items at about £100 for example would be another month off your debt free date. You may also find they will sell quicker or possibly bundle some similiar items together and sell as a bundle. 

alt80

Finished the Christmas decs only took 3 weeks on and off lol. Did get out for a drive wife took us to garden centre. I’ve not really felt too well today. Not gonna lie I sat in the back with the rear entertainment on all way there and back like a complete child haha. The not sleeping isn’t great for me but didn’t buy anything just walked round letting son look at the Christmas displays. Didn’t even want to buy ha. Saved coffee for home too so not even a Starbucks resulting in a no spend Saturday. Still been a decent one though tbh.

Definitely correct re ‘won’ the money couldn’t even stop myself after refinancing so winning money not a !!!!!! chance I’d sort myself out haha.

Facing up to the personal finances just opened a massive can of worms for me. Can’t change how I’ve treated those closest to me always put money first above everything not good really. I’ll probably not forgive myself and 100 know I deserve to have no family. The self destructive stuff just hurts my family more and leads to more shame just need to sort myself out lol. Ok with numbers can deal with those. Payback not going to be amazing but can’t put being a !!!!!! husband/ dad right with any amount of money.

Things I’ve done today good for debt/ mindset:

• Changed my Apple news feed. Yeah I pay for this but do read the paper most days and a few magazines over the month so £9.99/m not so bad. Got rid of a lot of the car stuff/ buy me stuff which was what most of the recommended articles were haha. Subscribed to a few new things.
• As I get emails through from shops etc I’m unsubscribing. Bit of a longer term thing as I’m not going through months of emails to find them all but I am getting less emails now and less chance for total impulse online buying.
• Cooked dinner. Took the 4 hours my dad said it would haha. On and off effort though and result was very tasty. Def more cooking twice a week but maybe a 4 hour recipe once a month lol. Keeps my mind off buying and gives wife a bit of time off she went for a run and read a magazine whilst son and I prepared dinner well he was more a hinderance.
• In-laws coming over for Christmas ‘bubble’. Bit embarrassing as they’ve said they’ll get the food/ drinks. !!!!!! obvious why but didn’t lose it just said thanks and we’ll come up with something for Boxing Day. Hoping it’s not too bad this year they’ve won know for sure what a idiot I am so hopefully should be happy. 
• Been running for first time since I hurt my foot. Steady 2km with wife/ son/ dog.
• Not had a drink. May have cracked the advent hot choc open a few days early though.
• Planned out day tomorrow - looking like another no spend day. Keep the mind busy and hopefully the wallet won’t come out lol.

enthusiasticsaver

I would say that is a successful day. No spends and removing temptations to buy and not losing it with in laws. Even better you did something nice for your family by cooking dinner. Not even started our Christmas decorations yet. 

Willowtree222

You said no amount of money can make up for how you've treated your family.
You're right. No amount of money will. Your time will, your presence, you being there less stressed, you cooking dinner with your son, doing the decorations, the fun, the garden centre together. All of that shows you want to be with them and they're loved. Continuous days like that will make up for it. 
Sounds like a lovely day. 
Enjoy x

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

Finished the Christmas decs only took 3 weeks on and off lol. Did get out for a drive wife took us to garden centre. I’ve not really felt too well today. Not gonna lie I sat in the back with the rear entertainment on all way there and back like a complete child haha. The not sleeping isn’t great for me but didn’t buy anything just walked round letting son look at the Christmas displays. Didn’t even want to buy ha. Saved coffee for home too so not even a Starbucks resulting in a no spend Saturday. Still been a decent one though tbh.

Definitely correct re ‘won’ the money couldn’t even stop myself after refinancing so winning money not a !!!!!! chance I’d sort myself out haha.

Facing up to the personal finances just opened a massive can of worms for me. Can’t change how I’ve treated those closest to me always put money first above everything not good really. I’ll probably not forgive myself and 100 know I deserve to have no family. The self destructive stuff just hurts my family more and leads to more shame just need to sort myself out lol. Ok with numbers can deal with those. Payback not going to be amazing but can’t put being a !!!!!! husband/ dad right with any amount of money.

Things I’ve done today good for debt/ mindset:

• Changed my Apple news feed. Yeah I pay for this but do read the paper most days and a few magazines over the month so £9.99/m not so bad. Got rid of a lot of the car stuff/ buy me stuff which was what most of the recommended articles were haha. Subscribed to a few new things.
• As I get emails through from shops etc I’m unsubscribing. Bit of a longer term thing as I’m not going through months of emails to find them all but I am getting less emails now and less chance for total impulse online buying.
• Cooked dinner. Took the 4 hours my dad said it would haha. On and off effort though and result was very tasty. Def more cooking twice a week but maybe a 4 hour recipe once a month lol. Keeps my mind off buying and gives wife a bit of time off she went for a run and read a magazine whilst son and I prepared dinner well he was more a hinderance.
• In-laws coming over for Christmas ‘bubble’. Bit embarrassing as they’ve said they’ll get the food/ drinks. !!!!!! obvious why but didn’t lose it just said thanks and we’ll come up with something for Boxing Day. Hoping it’s not too bad this year they’ve won know for sure what a idiot I am so hopefully should be happy. 
• Been running for first time since I hurt my foot. Steady 2km with wife/ son/ dog.
• Not had a drink. May have cracked the advent hot choc open a few days early though.
• Planned out day tomorrow - looking like another no spend day. Keep the mind busy and hopefully the wallet won’t come out lol.

I know after I shouted at you I said I was done reading but I have read along and just want to say this post gives me hope for you and your family, you don't need loads of money to be a good husband/Dad you just need time and to be present for your wife and son
Well done for having a good day 

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver thanks. Counsellor advised I could start removing email subscriptions etc. I lost it - won’t fall to marketing etc tbh I probably have many times and the emails I find it stressful receiving so many too. You need to make a start on the christmas decs - grandchildren are only young once. 

@Nicnak I hope so.

@Onebrokelady thanks. Putting my family first more is important to me. I think I thought it’d just all fall into place sorting my mindset/ debts out. First lockdown I managed to enjoy lots of family time and not be so pressured to make/ have/ spend more. First lockdown strange times for all of us though I think really. The week you started reading tbh I don’t think I’ve ever been that low before in all sorts of ways. Not great but can only be onwards and upwards from there ha. 

Massive decluttering day today. Put so much stuff up for sale. Even the £10 items lol. If they don’t sell can always bin later. Sad to see a lot of stuff piled up in the garage next to the bmw where my ftype was tbh. 

Not felt amazing, just general low mood but have got on with what I said I would and spent day with family rather than the self destructive stuff. Tonight feel better for it tbh. I’m concerned about my stress / anxiety / anger levels generally thats all got way out of hand these past few months and resulted in doing some stuff I don’t ever want to go down the road of again and shouldn’t for my family as well as myself.

Things done for debt/ mindset today:

• No alcohol
• Not looked at business emails
• No spends
• Unsubscribed from two emails
• £2.5k worth of stuff up for sale!! Just kept finding things we didn’t want so took a pic as we were sorting through and hopefully will get rid. Can’t believe it added up to that much. Also can’t believe my son thought it was a really fun day sorting through a load of stuff lol
• Going to sit down and write my plan for tomorrow after this including bedtime routine ha. Almost read the dopamine book, been absolutely brilliant and definitely a lot I think applied so thanks for the heads up again @enthusiasticsaver
• Planned next week workout schedule with the wife
• No phone day lol. Put it on my bedside table and didn’t touch it from breakfast until after dinner. Had a bit of a panic worrying if a tenant was trying to call and couldn’t get through wife said to me they can’t expect me 100 at their will even if there is an issue. Think she’s right I need to switch off a bit more - after an hour or so enjoyed having a bit of time off from my phone. 
• This evening when I picked it up I blocked IG for a week ha. Only go on there to look at cars / property stuff and as soon as I opened the app got a targeted ad for a one year old AM Vantage. As soon as I saw it I felt the anger levels rising knowing I can’t afford it etc. Just don’t need it in my life right now. Wife has blocked hers for a week too lol told her she doesn’t need the fake women (‘unreal’ makeup etc more like unreal amounts of surgery lol) in her life anymore than I need the AM ads lol.
• Aiming for lights out 11.30pm, up at 7am.

efes_shareholder

dont want to add to your stress / anxiety but one for the future and something i wish I had considered when buying my family home.
school fees , your son at the tender age of 6 has access to the best education money can be so to speak ,what are your plans when he comes to secondary age which in my opinion is the more important school
A child who wants to learn , who has the ability to absorb and who has the right drive will shine through in any setting but if they are the top of the crop they will thrive more if they are surrounded by similar minded kids .......................my point is , do you have a state secondary school in your catchnment area that you would find acceptable ? or a grammar he could get the next best thing to a private education.
my daughters best friend was private schooled until she was 15 at what point the parents could no longer afford it and she ended up doing the last year and 6th form with all the kids / surroundings her parents had been trying to avoid since she was 5.
So if you are considering a move at any point , even if its to a like minded property please look to be in the area best for secondary education as thats when a childs schooling becomes really important , in my opinion for what its worth , there is no point absorbing these private school fees if your son will end up in the local sink school state comphrensive at 11 , may aswell as saved those fees and put him in to that at 11.
with regards to cars , i loved my mini cooper and there is no reason why the countryman cant solve the boot and the dog problems