Husband job with depression

Carrot007

Clouds88 said:

I will get some vit D supplements it's worth a try  

In regards to his medicines hes been on Velafaxin and mertazapine for well over  a year (tried others prior to this) and he feels they arent working and doesnt like the zombie feeling of the mertazapine so hes gone off that one and stayed on venlafaxin. Hes on the waiting list for CBT and no other therapy atm due to lockdown but hes doing better than say 4 months ago.

We also are getting a puppy in 2 weeks, I thought this would be a good idea for my husband and help in getting his exercise and it's a lab/golden retriever so it should be beneficial to the family. I have managed to save for that and still have £2000 in savings so maybe I should just keep going as we are and let him stay off work for a few more years. 

More thoughts.

Vit D. I have used this (I WFH most of the time (even before all this) and hardly get out so wanted to see if it helped anything! I find the spray on cheeks / under tongue ones best myself. Remember to go the NHS guidelines as there are some that are very potant and vit D overdose is not good! I used dlux 1000 daily oral spray FWIW.

Meds, nothing I am familer with. Zombie feeling may well just be him unfortunatly (or transference as an excuse to stop). Unfortunatly NHS mental health support is none existant and most people do not need it by the time they get it. As for CBT. Unfortunatly if he is expecting a magic wand, this is not it. He will be required to put in 90% of the work. It is good but does not work for everyone, and you do need to be in the right frame of mind for the hard work from your side in order to make it happen (which is why getting of meds can be a path to failure).

Puppy seems a bad idea to me. Why spend money when there are so many to rehome. Why buy it as a fix, it's a life, it does not deserve that. What happend if it is a failure and he wants nothing to do with it?

Just my thoughts, wish you the best and hope something works out.

sweetsand

As another said, excercise, keep off the drink, bannans have the happy vitamins and try to watch commedy. Hope its getting better for you both
x
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/humor-sapiens/201911/the-relationship-between-humor-and-depression

Scottishgal87

sweetsand said:

As another said, excercise, keep off the drink, bannans have the happy vitamins and try to watch commedy. Hope its getting better for you both

“Watch commedy” is your advice for depression? Just when I thought your “advice” couldn’t get worse you said this!  😡😡

waamo

Scottishgal87 said:

sweetsand said:

As another said, excercise, keep off the drink, bannans have the happy vitamins and try to watch commedy. Hope its getting better for you both

“Watch commedy” is your advice for depression? Just when I thought your “advice” couldn’t get worse you said this!  😡😡

Then they try and justify it by inserting a link explaining the psychology of different styles of humour. It's frankly insulting to tell somebody with a debilitating illness to "watch some commedy" sic

Clouds88

Thank you for all your replies and comments. 
Re the puppy, we have wanted one for ages and its never been a good idea whilst my youngest was too young, I think it's a good time..we are all very much animal people and have two cats already that we all love and care for. If he wants nothing to do with it (which I doubt but still) then I will happily care for it by myself. 

Again working full time at the moment is not a good option for many reasons its hard to explain all over the internet but if he went downhill again it's easier with my shifts as they are as I can do pretty much all the child and homecare on my two shifts. I stopped my days during lock down when he was going through a bad batch and wasnt out of bed to look after the girls one day. If he can manage a job (and I've never said full time.to him I suggested part time) I think this would be easier than putting more demands on him from a home point of view.

I think I will have to review saving for a home in a few years when my youngest is a bit older and see if we can get him any better in the meanwhile either in or out of work depending on how this one goes. 

Scottishgal87

waamo said:

Scottishgal87 said:

sweetsand said:

As another said, excercise, keep off the drink, bannans have the happy vitamins and try to watch commedy. Hope its getting better for you both

“Watch commedy” is your advice for depression? Just when I thought your “advice” couldn’t get worse you said this!  😡😡

Then they try and justify it by inserting a link explaining the psychology of different styles of humour. It's frankly insulting to tell somebody with a debilitating illness to "watch some commedy" sic

Exactly the article doesn’t even mention watching comedy. Add lack of reading skills to their repertoire. 

sweetsand

Clouds88 said:

Thank you for all your replies and comments. 
Re the puppy, we have wanted one for ages and its never been a good idea whilst my youngest was too young, I think it's a good time..we are all very much animal people and have two cats already that we all love and care for. If he wants nothing to do with it (which I doubt but still) then I will happily care for it by myself. 

Again working full time at the moment is not a good option for many reasons its hard to explain all over the internet but if he went downhill again it's easier with my shifts as they are as I can do pretty much all the child and homecare on my two shifts. I stopped my days during lock down when he was going through a bad batch and wasnt out of bed to look after the girls one day. If he can manage a job (and I've never said full time.to him I suggested part time) I think this would be easier than putting more demands on him from a home point of view.

I think I will have to review saving for a home in a few years when my youngest is a bit older and see if we can get him any better in the meanwhile either in or out of work depending on how this one goes. 

Hi
Thank you for the update as many don't and at times understanbly as they have a lot on their plate.
Seek professional help/support - their are support groups out there, GP will know of Google but you
will need to take time out. At times good to see, speak to others in the same place as you.
You come across as caring and wanting things to work and that shows how much you care
but life is hard and for all of us at times but you have a hubby that is not well
I wish you and the family well and I hope this situation is resolved as best as it can be
but possibly seek the groups I told you about as people in a similar situation or been there have a better understanding 
usually.
x

Scottishgal87

sweetsand said:

Clouds88 said:

Thank you for all your replies and comments. 
Re the puppy, we have wanted one for ages and its never been a good idea whilst my youngest was too young, I think it's a good time..we are all very much animal people and have two cats already that we all love and care for. If he wants nothing to do with it (which I doubt but still) then I will happily care for it by myself. 

Again working full time at the moment is not a good option for many reasons its hard to explain all over the internet but if he went downhill again it's easier with my shifts as they are as I can do pretty much all the child and homecare on my two shifts. I stopped my days during lock down when he was going through a bad batch and wasnt out of bed to look after the girls one day. If he can manage a job (and I've never said full time.to him I suggested part time) I think this would be easier than putting more demands on him from a home point of view.

I think I will have to review saving for a home in a few years when my youngest is a bit older and see if we can get him any better in the meanwhile either in or out of work depending on how this one goes. 

Hi
Thank you for the update as many don't and at times understanbly as they have a lot on their plate.
Seek professional help/support - their are support groups out there, GP will know of Google but you
will need to take time out. At times good to see, speak to others in the same place as you.
You come across as caring and wanting things to work and that shows how much you care
but life is hard and for all of us at times but you have a hubby that is not well
I wish you and the family well and I hope this situation is resolved as best as it can be
but possibly seek the groups I told you about as people in a similar situation or been there have a better understanding 
usually.
x

Sorry have I missed something? What groups did you tell the Op about? Oh wait it’s the Sweetsand support group! That’s what you meant by “Watch Commedy”! 

Barny1979

Clouds88 said:

I do want to save for my own house and own one day and I feel like if he doesnt work I'll never reach my goal. 

Terminology is clumsy or the OP sees no long-term relationship, as it is my not our.

sweetsand

Barny1979 said:

Clouds88 said:

I do want to save for my own house and own one day and I feel like if he doesnt work I'll never reach my goal. 

Terminology is clumsy or the OP sees no long-term relationship, as it is my not our.

Excellent observation and one I would agree with.