am i paying enough keep to my partner

Mojisola

bouicca21 said:

the obvious thing to do is to sit down together and list all the expenses of running the place, then split them down the middle.

This has got to be the answer.

If she's still not happy after you do this, the problem isn't money and that will need deeper discussions.

sweetsand

Mickey666 said:

I’ve always thought a true partnership/marriage is where everything is shared.  Keeping track of individual costs and expenditures makes it sound more like a business arrangement.  Guess I’m just old fashioned.

You know what honey, I just logged back to this thread to say something similar ie add to my thread.
When you have been togther in one property for some time, you may have done the building work and she paid but did your OH just sit on her hands or did she do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, gardening, washing, etc, etc, changing the bedsheets keeping all rooms clean

Bottom line is something is going on or she is ticked off as you are paying peanuts especially if food items are inc most of the time and you are giving away your assets and not helping her out as much as you need to. If she asks for any close to 1k or more than that there is something going on and you need to man up and should have paid a lot more years ago unless you share 50/50 food bills, repairs, insurance, furniture, etc, etc

ATB

Pollycat

Mickey666 said:

I’ve always thought a true partnership/marriage is where everything is shared.  Keeping track of individual costs and expenditures makes it sound more like a business arrangement.  Guess I’m just old fashioned.

I think the difference in this situation may be because the OP is living in the house owned by his/her partner and also has a house that they own and is paying a mortgage on.

The OP's partner wants to keep ownership of her own house.

OH and I do share everything but we bought our house together over 30 years ago and each of our income goes into the joint account and that's where the bills are paid from.

I think maybe relationships that are started later in life when each party owns their own home may be a little more difficult to sort out.

Just my opinion though.

sweetsand

Mickey666 said:

I’ve always thought a true partnership/marriage is where everything is shared.  Keeping track of individual costs and expenditures makes it sound more like a business arrangement.  Guess I’m just old fashioned.

I'd just like to add that anyone that lives with you are lucky as you know what love, family, trust and sharing is and as you said, it's not a business. Thank you.

Marvel1

bogie99 said:

My partners utility bills are roughly £500 a month.

You are practically paying for the all bills!
Mine is no-one near that!

Spendless

Have you been paying £400 per month for the last decade? If so, I can see why your OH thinks you should now contribute more.
Where are you registered for council tax purposes. You've put that you still pay it on your house but do you mean you're on it there? If you're registered at her house and there's just you and her as adults living there, then you're costing her 25% more. If that's the case then I do think you should pay the extra cost.
Then add in around half for the other utility bills plus your share of the grocery shop, maybe slightly adjusted to take into account that you live at your own place 2 days per week.
Once you've done that, how does £400 per month look then, reasonable, too much, not enough?

tacpot12

For what it's worth, me and my partner have an arrangement where we split our living costs equally. So all our bills, all our food, the costs of running a joint car, the cost of holidays, the cost of replacing appliances are all split 50/50. We also split the cost of repairs to her house 50/50 even though we have agreed that I will never had a claim on her house. I do this because I benefit from the repairs that are made to the property, albeit I would lose the value of this investment if I fell out with her and had to move out. This is a risk I am happy to take as we are still both very happy living together. If the relationship started to falter, I might be less willing to contribute to such repairs, but this would probably only help end the relationship sooner!

I also own my own home, which I rent out, and I divide the income with her; effectively I pay her rent to live in her house. (She owns her house outright). When I need to make repairs on my house, the amount of 'rent' she receives is reduced by the cost of these repairs, so we are both get our houses maintained and both own them outright without being the other party having any claim on them. We arrived at this arrangement as both of us have children from previous relationships and we wanted to be able to leave our property to our own offspring. 

bogie99

hi all thanks for your comments .the £500 per month utilities includes gas, Elec, water, council tax, tv licence, and phone plus broadband. we do not subscribe to tv  packaged like sky
we cover our own car tax and insurance. her son does not live with us. he did for around 9 months when he split with his partner which was when i converted the garage into an extra bedroom for him as his son which he had joint custody of used the small bedroom.and i was told he was paying the same as me .but he would not even cut the grass or wash a pot.
  
i started paying £300 10 years ago 
hope this helps
thank you

Socajam

sweetsand said:

Mickey666 said:

I’ve always thought a true partnership/marriage is where everything is shared.  Keeping track of individual costs and expenditures makes it sound more like a business arrangement.  Guess I’m just old fashioned.

You know what honey, I just logged back to this thread to say something similar ie add to my thread.
When you have been togther in one property for some time, you may have done the building work and she paid but did your OH just sit on her hands or did she do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, gardening, washing, etc, etc, changing the bedsheets keeping all rooms clean

Bottom line is something is going on or she is ticked off as you are paying peanuts especially if food items are inc most of the time and you are giving away your assets and not helping her out as much as you need to. If she asks for any close to 1k or more than that there is something going on and you need to man up and should have paid a lot more years ago unless you share 50/50 food bills, repairs, insurance, furniture, etc, etc

ATB

OP do not give this woman 1K are month.
There is no way being mortgage free that bills, food etc could be 1K per month each, unless you are having caviar, wild smoked salmon etc on a daily basis.
She obviously wants to save her money and use yours.
As others have said, ask her to get the bills out, add them up and go 50/50.  You should not be paying any rent, otherwise I would tell her that I may want to make a claim on her house.
If she wants more than the 50/50, I would move back to my place see her when and if you want to.
Some people are just too greedy.
As a mortgage free person, there is no way I would be letting anyone pay me rent.
Food and utilities that's it.  Each person pay for their part of the holiday - that's what being an adult is all about.
If you want to treat her for a meal, noting wrong with that, but you should not be spending all your money on her, whilst she saves her for her son.

bouicca21

bogie99 said:

hi all thanks for your comments .the £500 per month utilities includes gas, Elec, water, council tax, tv licence, and phone plus broadband. we do not subscribe to tv  packaged like sky
we cover our own car tax and insurance.

I’m still having difficulty with the £500 a month.  Even making allowances for my single person discount on council tax, my monthly outgoings for electric, gas, water, council tax, tv licence, phone and broadband are only just over half that.