am i paying enough keep to my partner

bogie99

Hi I have been living with my partner In her house which she owns with no mortgage, for 10 years now and I have been paying her a monthly contribution of £400.

I own my house which I am still paying a mortgage on .my daughter and son in law and granddaughter live in my house and pay me £400 a month and  pay the utility bills. I still pay the council tax. I still sleep at my house when I work nights roughly 2 days per week as my partner lives in a bungalow and it is difficult to sleep there in the day

This situation is helping my daughter save for a deposit for their own house.

My partner and myself keep our finances separate. And she wants to keep full ownership of her house to pass down to her son.

And I also want to pass my house to my daughter.

My partners utility bills are roughly £500 a month.

During my 10 years there we have remodelled the bathroom converted the garage into a bedroom and office re landscaped the garden,

For which my partner has paid the cost of all materials and I have carried out the work.

I carry out all the maintenance off the property and my partner pays for the materials.

We pay our own costs for holidays and share costs for dining out and entertainment.

We are now at a difficult point in our relationship as my partner insists that I do not contribute enough and feels she is subsidising my mortgage and family by only having £400 a month of me.

I feel that I am paying half of the utilities and the rest towards food and contribute towards the upkeep of her house.

My question is am I paying enough?

Help

steve

Socajam

I think you are paying more than enough.
How much more does she want you to pay?
Why is her electricity so high?
Does her son live with her?
Ask her how much does she think a tradesman would cost to do all the work that you have done.
She may think that buying the materials is a lot of money, but the real cost of any job is the cost of labour.
Ask her if she would be happy for you to contribute more towards her house without a  mortgage, would she be happy if you were to make a claim on it.

MoneySeeker1

What you're paying sounds pretty fair to me. It doesn't sound like you're making any profit from your house and she does seem to have dear utility bills.

Add in the DIY work and the only thing I can think of on "her side" of the argument is whether you're doing a fair 50% share of the housework in her house (not a "typical male definition - ie doesnt seem to see a lot of the housework that needs doing" - but a genuine 50% of the housework).

So it may be that she's doing a lot more housework than you - and this "rent" argument isn't really about money per se. But, if you are doing a fair share of housework - then I'd say it sounds about right to me.

NB; I presume you've got some sort of arrangement re inflation-proofing that amount and it goes up appropriately (by that 1%/2%  whatever level inflation is at).

bouicca21

I can’t quite get my head round utilities that cost £500 a month but surely the obvious thing to do is to sit down together and list all the expenses of running the place, then split them down the middle.

Grumpy_chap

£400 per month including food, bills and upkeep.  Probably needs to go up, but not by just a random notional number.  Sit down and work half the bills plus food shopping then add an allowance for the upkeep

HampshireH

£500 on utilities is expensive (or does this include the council tax and food)
Basic gas/elec/water and internet/TV package can't reach £500 unless she is really not very moneysaving.

Is she looking at it like you get £400 and you pay her £400 so you only have outgoings of a council tax bill? Not the right view.

Finally, whats change now compared to the past 10 years? 

warby68

From what you say, you are paying enough towards bills and also pulling your weight on maintenance and improvements.
It sounds more indirect and the issue is that you are subsidising your daughter to the extent she feels you don't have as much money as you should have. Is £400 a market rent and why are you paying the Council Tax? Is your partner perhaps feeling hard up and sees you having an easier time of it and choosing to favour your daughter when you could be chipping in more to you as a couple. In her head, you live rent free ie bills only and use that to sub your child which she might not see as fair even if she isn't hard up. Its not that you aren't paying a fair share of the running costs, its what you do with the rest perhaps.

sweetsand

Hi
I was going to ask do you pay for food, etc and how much on an avg months but then saw the light.

Your partner's property, she wants you to pay more and you should simple as that as long as its not more than 1k a month. If it is more than that then there is something going on imo and she wants you out. Sounds brutal but an honest assessment of the situation based on years of life experience.

x

nicechap

bogie99 said:

Hi I have been living with my partner In her house which she owns with no mortgage, for 10 years now and I have been paying her a monthly contribution of £400.

I own my house which I am still paying a mortgage on .my daughter and son in law and granddaughter live in my house and pay me £400 a month and  pay the utility bills. I still pay the council tax. I still sleep at my house when I work nights roughly 2 days per week as my partner lives in a bungalow and it is difficult to sleep there in the day

This situation is helping my daughter save for a deposit for their own house.

My partner and myself keep our finances separate. And she wants to keep full ownership of her house to pass down to her son.

And I also want to pass my house to my daughter.

My partners utility bills are roughly £500 a month.

During my 10 years there we have remodelled the bathroom converted the garage into a bedroom and office re landscaped the garden,

For which my partner has paid the cost of all materials and I have carried out the work.

I carry out all the maintenance off the property and my partner pays for the materials.

We pay our own costs for holidays and share costs for dining out and entertainment.

We are now at a difficult point in our relationship as my partner insists that I do not contribute enough and feels she is subsidising my mortgage and family by only having £400 a month of me.

I feel that I am paying half of the utilities and the rest towards food and contribute towards the upkeep of her house.

My question is am I paying enough?

Help

steve

Definitely something funny with the numbers you quote - £400 a month, is this unchanged for £10years? But utilities are £500, does this include top sky package which only you watch?  Or is it more to do with how much disposable income you both have after monthly outgoings? It'd be nonsense to pay £1000 a month as this sounds more like a where are we, where are we going discussion you and your partner need to have.  Fallback option is not pay £400 a month and just stay at your property and see each other socially until you've both worked it through.

JGB1955

£500 per month sounds reasonable to me.  We are mortgage free and have a budget of £1,000 per month - that includes gas, electricity, broadband, house and contents insurance, TV licence, water rates, vehicle tax and insurance for 3 cars, Christmas and birthday presents, Denplan, pet insurance and £70 p.w. for food.  We each pay for our own mobile phones, clothes and day-to-day expenses.  Holidays come out of another fund.

wilfred30

First of all, £400 ten years ago was 'worth' a lot more than it is today.

However, you have saved her a great deal of money by doing all the work on her bungalow rather than pay tradesmen.  Add to that the fact that the work you've done has no doubt increased the value of her bungalow which only she (and subsequently her son) will benefit from.

I do wonder whether there might be something else going on with her though and she is using this as an excuse.