Advice for son in rented accommodation via county council.

elsien

If he's looking to rent somewhere else he does need to make sure he ends this tenancy first. Is it a fixed term tenancy and is there a break clause?

Weirdo109

tacpot12 said:

The accommodation he can afford initially may not be suitable to have a baby stay, but this is only a temporary situation. The baby will soon be a toddler and then staying overnight might be possible, and even fun for them. 

silvercar said:

Weirdo109 said:

One thing thats not been mentioned is the council not helping him.
Is this right in the modern gender equal rules of today. Why should he be the one to not be helped. He works hard and provides. He want to be a co-parent and that choice is being taken away from him.
He doesn't earn enough to buy a house and we can only help him so much financially without us getting into debt.

The state cannot afford to fund two homes for every child. They will make allowances in benefit calculations for a child to the parent who is the primary carer, doesn't matter which gender that parent is.

Tacpot12
This is a situation that we haven't really thought about as it seems so alien, but I assume it's the norm for a lot of people.
silvercar
I appreciate the funding issue, I am not asking him to be funded separately.
Its just unfair that he is the one contributing and gets no help.
He would love to be the primary carer and he has told us she does not want the boy, she wants her social life and he is a means to an end. I imagine some of this is coming from anger and frustration but also there must be some truth to it.

He doesn't want to stop working and be a sponger. He wants to see his son everyday.
Unfortunately this weekend her and her family are now shutting the door on contact and rationality. They have been abusive messaging my son, these same people that did not want to know her 9 months ago.

As it stands he will at the end of the month, once he gets paid again, be coming home.
We are trying to be positive for him, but he had his own place, own responsibility, own life. Its going to be a long hard road.
Only time will tell how this will all play out. It all feels very raw.

Weirdo109

Maybe not made it clear.
He is willing to take the flat on and pay the rent bills himself. It would be hard but he can just about afford it.
Therefor the council will no longer be paying towards so they could support her independently.

TBagpuss

Weirdo109 said:

Tacpot12
This is a situation that we haven't really thought about as it seems so alien, but I assume it's the norm for a lot of people.
silvercar
I appreciate the funding issue, I am not asking him to be funded separately.
Its just unfair that he is the one contributing and gets no help.
He would love to be the primary carer and he has told us she does not want the boy, she wants her social life and he is a means to an end. I imagine some of this is coming from anger and frustration but also there must be some truth to it.

He doesn't want to stop working and be a sponger. He wants to see his son everyday.
Unfortunately this weekend her and her family are now shutting the door on contact and rationality. They have been abusive messaging my son, these same people that did not want to know her 9 months ago.

As it stands he will at the end of the month, once he gets paid again, be coming home.
We are trying to be positive for him, but he had his own place, own responsibility, own life. Its going to be a long hard road.
Only time will tell how this will all play out. It all feels very raw.

He could propose that she move out and that he remains and cares for the baby. It seems unlikely that he could do so and still work full time, particularly if he works night shifts,  so he would need to consider whether he can request parental leave, or look at changing to part time work or looking for a different job which he might be able to fit around child care. 
If he were to become the primary carer then he would be entitled to claim child benefit and might qualify for universal credit to top up his income if he had to reduce his hours or give up work in order to care full time for the baby .

Unfortunately, the benefits system is not set up to deal with a shred care arrangement so only one person can claim the benefits / support linked to having a child, although if the baby was with him for significant amounts of time it would reduce his liability to pay child support.
caring full time for a 6 month old is not 'sponging' so he needs to think abut whether he is willing to, if necessary, become a full time stay at home dad, or alternatively to look for a new job where he can work pat time around mum having contact and perhaps a small amount of nursery care .

If the child continues to live with mum then he should look at getting his name off the tenancy and all bills, then rent his own place (which at this stage may well be a room in a shred house) and focus on contact. Would it be practical , for instance, for him to have the baby at weekends and to spend that time with you, if he can only afford to rent a room? 

Snooks2

Weirdo109 said:

One thing thats not been mentioned is the council not helping him.
Is this right in the modern gender equal rules of today. Why should he be the one to not be helped. He works hard and provides. He want to be a co-parent and that choice is being taken away from him.
He doesn't earn enough to buy a house and we can only help him so much financially without us getting into debt.

 Maybe your son needs to go to court and get primary custody. Then he can experience all the gender equality he wants. 

Weirdo109

TBagpuss said:

If the child continues to live with mum then he should look at getting his name off the tenancy and all bills, then rent his own place (which at this stage may well be a room in a shred house) and focus on contact. Would it be practical , for instance, for him to have the baby at weekends and to spend that time with you, if he can only afford to rent a room? 

Thank you for the reply
I spoke to my son last night, he is very down.
He is getting a lot of verbal abuse from her and her family.
He has decided its in his and the childs best interests to give her what she wants, leave and let her have the flat.
Its completely not what he wants as he will not see his son everyday. He will work his 5 night shifts living at ours and bring the boy home on his 3 days off, this will be the solution until he can get his head right and find an affordable solution to living more locally to his work. Such as a room share.

Chandler85

As stated multiple times, he doesn't "let her have the flat".

He needs to be removed from all responsibility if that is the route he is going down or he might end up paying for a flat that he doesn't live it which is even worse.  If the council/ private landlord believe he is still living there then they also won't give her an increase in benefits, so she'll end up in debt and they'll chase your son.

Needs to be a clean cut if he is going to leave the flat completely, otherwise it is kicking the can down the road which he might ultimately regret more.