Coping with doubts after moving

Pussinboots61

MovingForwards said:

Enjoy the flat and the area, you don't know what will happen in the future but you would have the opportunity of moving to a more suitable property if you needed to; you may not have to!
By being active, even just going up / down stairs, that will help keep you mobile. 

I'm 14 years younger than you, disabled with walking issues, amongst other things. I've recently purchased a first floor flat and had no interest in a ground floor one. In the 9ish weeks I've lived here, only once have I not made it to my garden. All the other times it's been slow and steady wins the race, same as when I go to the shops.

Thanks for your reply. I keep telling myself these steps will keep me active. Where I lived before I moved here, the bus stop was outside my flat, no steps, nothing and it was easy but maybe it was too easy. I don't miss that flat but I do miss the convenience and often wonder if I just moved in haste to go back to the past.

Its good that you manage steps OK, how many stairs is there to your flat, wouldn't you want a ground floor one at all?

Pussinboots61

deannatrois said:

I don't know if this will help.  Its things I do.  When you get a worrying thought (like the one about will you manage the stairs in x years) say positively and strongly to yourself 'go away, you are not relevant' (its a lot better than letting your mind follow that thought with the pictures of things that aren't even happening).  Take control of thoughts you know aren't logical and aren't doing you any good.  Try and concentrate on thinking about the positives about the property, think about what you love about it.  If you haven't already, decorate.  Make it yours. Just doing something positive like that can help feelings of control.

Thank you for this. At IAPT I was advised to keep a worry list, write down worries as they arise and then just think about them during my specific 'worry time' and then throw the list away. It did help at first but I still find myself ruminating over the worries all the time.

I've got my flat all nice and cosy and I feel safer and cosier on the upper floor I have to admit, I've got what I always wanted yet I feel like this, I can't understand why I don't just feel relieved.

Pussinboots61

Competsoph said:

@Pussinboots61 I have empathy with you as I too am a natural worrier however I can control my worrying much better over the past few years.
Lockdown has been a challenging time and you’ve probably been cooped up in this flat with all these emotions running around your head.
Perhaps you need to reach out to your GP again for some support. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you made a decision and as you say yourself, you prefer it there. What will be, will be. Good luck and I hope you manage to settle your nerves. 

Thanks for your reply.  How have you managed to control your worrying over the years? I have good days where I do feel OK and then it starts all over again.

NameUnavailable

Pussinboots61 said:

Thanks all for your replies. I am trying to be positive and am finding it difficult but I do get what you all say, it does seem pointless worrying about something that might not happen. I just keep wondering should I have just stayed where I was as at least that flat had easy access, even though it wasn't my ideal place? Still, nothing I can do now and I do prefer it here.

You said it yourself - you can't undo things so press on and make the most of what you have.

I'm one of life's natural worriers so I do get it - I'm trying to buy a place at the moment and can't stop myself from thinking about all the negative aspects of anything I look at, and what if I lose my job, what if I get ill etc. etc.

Deep down I know whatever I choose I will make the most of it and if problems arise in the future you deal with them at that time.

Competsoph

Pussinboots61 said:

Thanks for your reply.  How have you managed to control your worrying over the years? I have good days where I do feel OK and then it starts all over again.

Each individual person has their own strategy that works. I regularly refer people to the IAPT service in my job, I think it’s a fabulous resource. That said things don’t come easy, you have to work at your worries in order to become stronger in managing them. Go back to using tools that you’ve tried before, be consistent. You’ll get there!

MovingForwards

@Pussinboots61 I think it's 10 steps in total from ground to flat, it's less than the flat I moved out of and a lot less than the flat before that (2nd floor but more like 3rd floor and only lived to work as I couldn't manage going out when I got in, rarely managed it on the weekends too).
Mine are split so 5 up the first bit, then a landing, 5 up the next bit then the hallway to my flat / the neighbour. I have 3 or 4 to / from the garden from the ground floor.
I'm ok as long as I stop on each landing, look out the window, then go for the next bit. 
I've not got much road / people noise, can have my windows open 24/7, have views from my home plus various shops, my GP, chemist, vet etc.
There's concrete floors and ceilings, so doesn't even feel like a flat, almost like a detached bungalow.

I don't like ground floor flats, too noisy with the front / back doors going all the time, people tend to stand outside the windows and smoke / talk. Then you have the general noises as people walk / drive by. I wouldn't leave windows open overnight or in the day if I left the room. The noise from occupiers above can be oppressive (had that from above / next door in the last rental). I've lived in 3 ground floor properties over the years and wouldn't do it again.

carefullycautious

My father lived in a first floor flat untill his late 80's and would not move as he liked the security of being able to leave his windows open at night.
We are still trying to decide on what will be best long term.
The one thing I will find difficult is not having anywhere to put washing out on line. I cannot imagine trying to dry indoors all the time?

lincroft1710

NameUnavailable said:

To answer your question, no.

Good grief, you seem to be fretting about a lot of what if's. What if martians invade and kill us all tomorrow? It could happen. Probably won't but could.

Enjoy where you live and worry about other stuff if it ever gets to that.

It's not the Martians, you need to worry about, the Venusians are much more hostile! 

Pussinboots61

MovingForwards said:

@Pussinboots61 I think it's 10 steps in total from ground to flat, it's less than the flat I moved out of and a lot less than the flat before that (2nd floor but more like 3rd floor and only lived to work as I couldn't manage going out when I got in, rarely managed it on the weekends too).
Mine are split so 5 up the first bit, then a landing, 5 up the next bit then the hallway to my flat / the neighbour. I have 3 or 4 to / from the garden from the ground floor.
I'm ok as long as I stop on each landing, look out the window, then go for the next bit. 
I've not got much road / people noise, can have my windows open 24/7, have views from my home plus various shops, my GP, chemist, vet etc.
There's concrete floors and ceilings, so doesn't even feel like a flat, almost like a detached bungalow.

I don't like ground floor flats, too noisy with the front / back doors going all the time, people tend to stand outside the windows and smoke / talk. Then you have the general noises as people walk / drive by. I wouldn't leave windows open overnight or in the day if I left the room. The noise from occupiers above can be oppressive (had that from above / next door in the last rental). I've lived in 3 ground floor properties over the years and wouldn't do it again.

How many steps did your old flat have? Mine has sixteen steps, first eight, a landing and then another eight. There are steps outside leading up to the block (about five or six) but there is also a ramp at the other side so those steps can be avoided if necessary.

Pussinboots61

carefullycautious said:

My father lived in a first floor flat untill his late 80's and would not move as he liked the security of being able to leave his windows open at night.
We are still trying to decide on what will be best long term.
The one thing I will find difficult is not having anywhere to put washing out on line. I cannot imagine trying to dry indoors all the time?

Does your Dad still live in the upper flat? I agree about having the windows open at night without worry. We have a rotary washing line outside but I tend to dry my clothes on an airer in the flat as I can't be bothered to go and up and down with the washing