Working for family - A terrible decision!

elsien

Unless contracted to do on-calls, anyone expecting me to take work calls in my own time can take a running jump. Anyone who swore at me for not answering would not remain my employer for very long.

suki1964

As Brynsam says, this seems to be a familiar story with you, it happened in your last work place as well

As for the pay, that was explained to you before, the difference in Self Employed and Employed pay is due to your employer is now deducting your tax, NI, and pension, all the things you would have had to be putting aside out of the £3 extra you were getting

Now your relationship with your uncle out of work needs sorting out. Why is it he knows so much about your financial affairs? Who's telling him and why?

The other thing you need to do is look at where your money is actually going and make a budget to live within your means. If you put up a SOA on the debt free board, you will get a lot of helpful advice

TBagpuss

No, you are not being oversensitive. 
If the going rate for you type of work is £18 ph and you are getting paid £14, then apply elsewhere and move on,. Don't mention it to you uncle / employer until you have accepted the new job, then give him notice and leave. He can't stop you. Make sure that you know what your  notice period is - if you have a contract, it will be in that, or may be in an employee handbook or similar. If not, then work out your statutory notice.

If he makes comments to you about it then keep clam, and respond along the lines of "As you know, I've spoken to you repeatedly about the fact you you are paying me well under market values, and about being unhappy with the way you act towards me both in public and private. this obviously isn't a good fit so I am moving on. My last day with be *date*"

And then move on.

If he doesn't talk to you, so what? That's no loss. If you think that he will cause trouble with other family members then you are free to tell them the trust. "Uncle exploited me. he was paying more than 20%below market value, and less than he was paying other employee, he was verbally abusive towards me., and when I tried to discuss it with him he point blank told me he would never pay me a fair wage and expected me to be his pension. So of course I left"

You are not being disloyal - you have made clear that you are not happy, he has had every opportunity to be a decent employer and has chosen not to be, he hasn't earned any respect, let alone loyalty. 

Until you get a new job, start drawing some boundaries. You can't force him to pay you more, but you can mute his number except when you are at work, and only work the hours he pays you for. 

TELLIT01

The only part of the situation which is not unreasonable, is the drop in hourly rate when changing from self-employed to employee.  The employer has to cover the tax and National Insurance of the employee, whereas a self-employed person has to pay their own.  Whether the level of reduction is justified I don't know.

LittleVoice

TBagpuss said:

. . .
, then give him notice and leave. He can't stop you. Make sure that you know what your  notice period is - if you have a contract, it will be in that, or may be in an employee handbook or similar. If not, then work out your statutory notice.

If you were not given anything in writing to say you have longer notice then your statutory notice period is one week, no matter how long you have worked there.

Tealblue

Walshie said:

I guess I want you guys from an outside perspective to tell me if you think I am being oversensitive. I feel like things are getting out of hand and I'm being blatantly disrespected constantly. There is no room to progress either. My other problem is that He will likely never speak to me again if I leave. He always goes on about having loyal employees! 

Hopefully, someone can advise me on whether I'm being a snowflake/leave immediately!!

Of course he's 'disrespecting' you - what is there to respect about someone who puts up with this sort of behaviour from an employer, uncle or otherwise?

Why is it a problem if he won't speak to you again if you leave? He doesn't sound like the sort of person you need in your life.

Are you being a snowflake? No, a doormat - but why are you posting here, as opposed to talking to your wife?

Walshie

Thanks everyone, I have been a pushover throughout my life mainly caused by random bouts of anxiety which is 100% why I end up in these situations! As Brynsam pointed out I have been advised on similar issues previously which did actually lead to me leaving my previous employment. Essentially what happened was as I left and had two good opportunities to choose from, my uncle offered me a third option so doormat me ended up in failsafe mode taking the easy option! 
I'm aware that my post history is me having similar issues at a previous employer and I suppose I use this forum to try and get a third party & birds-eye view on the situations I find myself in. It is also good to be able to look back and see what if anything I have done about these things. I do genuinely appreciate all your advice (even the blunter ones!). 

Slowdown

Marcon said:

You sound like a total wimp. Clearly being a doormat is your default setting, so things will continue as they are until you do something about changing your own behaviour.

Hmmm. OP is having problems with work place bullying. Name calling and derision is possibly one of the worst things to in this situation and likely to make OP feel even worse. This is meant to be a supportive environment. If you are unable to say something helpful, perhaps say nothing at all. 

Work place bullying is a dreadful experience and his being your uncle makes no difference. Try to find another job ASAP before this man destroys any confidence you may have left. Hold your head up at work, stay silent when he comments in front of others about your situation. Your ability to remain calm will highlight to the other employees exactly what type of man he is and you will gain their respect at the same time. 

In most circumstances like this there would be recourse to take action against the bully and with all the witnesses you’d have a strong case for unfair treatment. 

However, I know to my cost that this is an extremely stressful situation and it’s difficult to think straight. 

Finding another job may be tricky but have some faith in yourself and put yourself up for any suitable positions that may arise. Taking positive action is very powerful for our self-worth and gives us a sense of purpose. 

Is there someone close to you that you can share this problem with? They may be able to help get you through. 

Best of luck. 

Tealblue

Slowdown said:

Marcon said:

You sound like a total wimp. Clearly being a doormat is your default setting, so things will continue as they are until you do something about changing your own behaviour.

Hmmm. OP is having problems with work place bullying. Name calling and derision is possibly one of the worst things to in this situation and likely to make OP feel even worse. This is meant to be a supportive environment. If you are unable to say something helpful, perhaps say nothing at all. 

Is there someone close to you that you can share this problem with? They may be able to help get you through. 

Sometimes a reality check is worth more than endless gushing (but misplaced) sympathy. As for 'someone close' - wife?

Brynsam

Slowdown said:

Marcon said:

You sound like a total wimp. Clearly being a doormat is your default setting, so things will continue as they are until you do something about changing your own behaviour.

Hmmm. OP is having problems with work place bullying. Name calling and derision is possibly one of the worst things to in this situation and likely to make OP feel even worse. This is meant to be a supportive environment. If you are unable to say something helpful, perhaps say nothing at all. 

I think if you read OP's post, OP has acknowledged that the problems are very much of his own making. Babbling on about unfair treatment and how work place bullying is dreadful won't help him at all. Until he does something about his own attitude and behaviour, he'll continue to repeat the mistakes of the past.