Venturing out into the wider world again

missychrissy

Thank you thank you for your comments. My son who is a GP and his wife I don’t think will mind if I don’t do Tuesdays anymore. I think perhaps they think that it gives me extra time with the grandchildren. However, my daughter in law that is a beauty therapist struggles when her husband is in Egypt and I think going to work for her is an escape. I am particularly close to their 3 children, I have looked after them since they were less than a week old. Her own mother, although 10 years younger than me is not in good health and has a disabled partner. 

I can see that I need to have some conversations.

[Deleted User]

I'm in no hurry to go out but again, not through any major concerns, I'm just not a paticularly 'people' person! 
I work from home anyway, I used to go into the office for a few hours every now and again but when it suited me - I also work away overnight a few times a year but that is also my decision. In all honesty, not a lot has changed for me at all! 
I do really miss my grandbaby- I used to have him overnight once a week but he's in the clinically vulnerable groups and at 3 years old has no concept of social distancing 😂 
Missychrissy, I wouldn't feel guilty! I had a similar conversation that Floss had with her parents and monnogran with her children - I choose to have my grandbaby overnight but if there are times when I can't, I don’t . My dd never expected it - she occasionally asked me to babysit if she was going to a paticular event but it was pretty rare - I certainly wouldn't be providing childcare for her to return to work! 
You should enjoy your retirement! 
LameWolf, I really feel for you - a colleague of mine has a sibling who has crippling social anxiety and all the progress that had been made has gone - in fact I think that there has been regression 😔 
I think that there are a large number of people who are in no hurry to change the way that they currently live and if you're enjoying it and don't have to, I say keep it up! 

Bluegreen143

I don’t think it’s selfish at all (coming from a mum of little ones). It is lovely when the grandparents do want to babysit, and it’s lovely for both sides to have that bond. I was very close to my grandparents growing up and I really want that for my kids. But I think it’s absolutely fair for that to be on the grandparents’ terms and not a commitment to certain days every week. If you have the time, energy and inclination, and you feel they really need (and appreciate) your help that’s one thing, but you have to put your own interests first.

I’m an at home mum now and when I did work three days a week we used a childminder and reserved the grandparent babysitting for when we would occasionally want a night out, or for if they were asking to have them. My MIL would like to have my 4yo more often, she would be happy with a weekly sleepover, but I don’t want to part with him that often yet. But her other grandchild is now grown and my two are the only little ones in the family so she doesn’t need to divide her time. If she had nine I certainly wouldn’t expect anywhere near weekly help as I would expect her to put her own needs first and then that her remaining time would have to be split.

Primrose

I,m reminded of an acquaintance who spent the first active years of her retirement looking after grandchildren full time while her daughter worked full time so they could move to a bigger house.    Almost as soon as that happened grandmother contracted cancer and was unable to do any of the enjoyable activities she had planned for her retirement.  

bouicca21

Missychrissy, I have a friend who spends most of her week looking after grandchildren.  Frankly I call it taking the p!ss.  Of course it’s lovely to be close to the grandchildren, but you deserve a life of your own.

suki1964

I certainly wouldn't be looking after my grandchildren daily

When my first was born and I was a lot younger, I did have him 3 nights a week, his mum was single and just not coping so me and her mum took him  ( her mum already had a two year old ) and I have to admit it was hard going. I have never had children and didn't know a thing about them and it exhausted me. Slowly our daughter got herself together and as our grandson got older she was able to cope more so his stays with me became shorter. Roll on 7 years, a new relationship and marriage for her and a new grandchild and I was NOPE, Im not having them. I think our granddaughter was a year old before we took them both for an over night stay. We would often have our grandson come stay, give him some time away from a sister who ruled the roost, but we only took her when Mum and Dad were having to go away for the night - they were of the age group where all their peers were marrying

Our granddaughter we absolutely love to bits but she is one hell of a handful. She's coming 7 now and from the minute her eyes open she's fully charged and raring to go and she exhausts us. Both are coming this weekend and its the first time since lockdown. We are probably more excited then they are, Josh is coming 14  and hanging with the grandparents is not his idea of fun now

I guess what Im saying is, yes, step up when there really is no other solution, but after that, see them on your terms when it suits you. Its unfair and pretty selfish of your children to be expecting you to be at their beck and call. You have done your job as a mother, a grandmothers job is to enjoy her grandchildren on her terms. Spoil them rotten, fill them up with sugar and send them home. I call it revenge for the nightmare times their parents put us through ( Our daughter was four when we got together so I do have memories )

Pollycat

I've been out (off my property) a total of 4 times since 20th March. OH does the shopping.

I've seen my sister once since just before lockdown and that was to deal with family stuff that couldn't be sorted remotely.

I'm not rushing out to go to non-essential shops. I have some items to return to a store that I picked up the day before the store closed and a couple of things to collect that arrived in store the day it closed.
I can't get myself geared up to go and sort it out. I don't want to get there and find I have to queue. I might sell the items on eBay (bought for a good price) and let them return the ones that have been in store for 3 months and refund me.

I'll not be rushing out to pubs, restaurants or cafes when they open either.

I'm quite happy pottering about inside and outside the house.

Looking at the photos/clips of those people protesting and on the beach just makes me less inclined to mingle with people who I don't know and have no idea where they've been.

I'm not in any vulnerable or high risk category.

Shropshirelass

We are both elderly (82 and 73) with health issues, but we're not considered vulnerable. At lockdown I had a deep storecupboard, luckily, as we had considerable trouble organising our necessary shopping, but eventually were saved by local small businesses and farms going out of their way to help. We'll not be deserting them.
I have really enjoyed organising menus and shopping to provide what I hope is an immune system boost for us both. I am not missing the stress of shopping (over crowded roads, irritable drivers, lack of parking, checkout queue etc.) in fact can't believe how pleasant life is now we manage with deliveries and one shopping trip a week. We have a garden which has kept us busy, and enjoy several hobbies between us. We are on waving terms with many more of our neighbours. I have been sleeping much better, perhaps due to quieter traffic, or perhaps I also had anxiety problems about going out.
We have missed several family birthday celebrations, but been in more regular contact with the family via social media. I am concerned about the grandchildren 's education, but can't do anything about it.
One thing I do miss is my weekly volunteering day. Those of us over 70 will apparently be too much of a risk, to ourselves and each other, as well as users of the charity. There is also the issue of possible culling of paid staff due to loss of income during lockdown and after. I wouldn't be happy to volunteer to fill a role formerly filled by someone who had now lost their livelihood - anyway, I won't have the choice, being too old. This must be a problem for all charities.
We won't be in a hurry to get back to 'normal' consumerism, keeping in mind the possibility of future local outbreaks and lockdowns.

Farway

Shropshirelass said:

One thing I do miss is my weekly volunteering day. Those of us over 70 will apparently be too much of a risk, to ourselves and each other, as well as users of the charity. There is also the issue of possible culling of paid staff due to loss of income during lockdown and after. I wouldn't be happy to volunteer to fill a role formerly filled by someone who had now lost their livelihood - anyway, I won't have the choice, being too old. This must be a problem for all charities.
We won't be in a hurry to get back to 'normal' consumerism, keeping in mind the possibility of future local outbreaks and lockdowns.

I'm in much same position as you regarding age & volunteering, ours has shut, and the clients like yours are older age group so there will be no rushing back

in the meantime I go once a week and weed & water the car park shrub border, fresh air & social distance chat to others, helping, all outside

Primrose

The one thing this country will learn as a result of this pandemic is how much of our civilised and caring society Has depended of elderly volunteers over the age of 70 who perhaps will now permanently withdraw for whatever  reason from their Volunteering activities.

Local clubs, village. Fund raising fetes, libraries, youth activities and clubs for the elderly and disadvantaged will all suffer from a shortage of volunteers and whole sections of society support may now collapse.  

Who said pensioners are a drain on society?     Actually they,ve been keeping it functioning for years!   Virtually every retired person in my wide circle of acquaintances volunteers in some way  for some good cause or other.   I sadly foresee many of our local organisations collapsing in the coming months unless younger people start coming forward to fill the gaps as many older people decide the potential  risks to their health by another virus spike are too high to continue.