Marriage counselling experiences

Fireflyaway

Some of you will know that my husband moved out in January due to his poor mental health and dissatisfaction in our relationship.  We both agreed we would work on our individual issues and although I didn't agree with the separation, it has given us both time to reflect and now I've realized I was viewing some issues from the wrong angle so to speak! My husband has been taking steps to improve his health and seems a lot more positive in himself. We are hoping to try and make it work again later in the year. 
My question is have you ever been to relationship councelling? We are unsure if it's going to be beneficial? I don't know what really happens? Looking on Google it seems that many couples who attend counselling break up, but I suppose it depends on the reason they were seeking help? 
I know the most important thing to do is to decide how to deal with the things that were causing the issues or nothing will change. I thought maybe a professional could give us some tips on things like communication that might help. 

MovingForwards

Have you still not had counseling on your own yet? That's your first port of call before couples counseling.

You are still taking responsibility for everything and it takes two people to make it work, it's never just one person 'at fault'.

Has your husband attended / arranged his own phone counseling yet?

I went to it with my ex, only works if both are completely open and honest, ready to attend. It can be helpful for those looking to stay together and can also those who want to split.

onwards&upwards

Any counsellor worth their salt should tell you it’s not advisable to start relationship counselling while one party has a mental health illness that isn’t being treated. 

You should both just get counselling alone for now, if he won’t you still should.  It’s desperate to ‘see’ you trying so hard and getting so little in return.  Time to put yourself and your child first, above your marriage! 

Fireflyaway

Thanks both. I'm not sure why it comes across that I'm trying so hard and getting little in return or why I'm taking responsibility for everything? I mean that honestly, not sarcastically. 
The failure in the relationship was due to issues on both our parts so I think it's fair I acknowledge my own need for improvement. 
I've not started counselling. I'm not sure what it would be for. Again that's an honest feeling, not me being in denial. My husband has though. 
I see the point about couples counselling maybe not being appropriate for people with mental health issues. 

onwards&upwards

Counselling for you is because you're going through a very difficult situation alone and it would do you a world of good to talk through your feelings and reactions and hopes.  It would also help you to plan for the future more effectively with a good understanding of what will really be best for you.   Counselling isn't just for people who have a mental health illness, it can be part of staying healthy and coping with what life throws at you.
 
Please don't take this the wrong way, but you are clearly craving somebody to talk to about all this and to help you process it.  That's what a counsellor is for, and they are really really good at it! 

I'm glad to hear your husband is getting some treatment for his illness.

MovingForwards

It comes across to me that you are doing everything because you never post up saying "husband has suggested X, Y, Z", it's always "I've been thinking X, Y, Z"

To me it comes across that you are trying to make the marriage work, again for the above reasons. Yes, I know about your husband's MH.

The reason you have counseling on your own is to work through your own issues / concerns, it then gives you the confidence / empowerment to know what went wrong from your side and how to resolve it or to decide to call it a day, then armed with that you are ready to take it to the next step of couples counseling and making the marriage work or not or ending it and starting over.

I don't keep posting on your threads to put you off, or make you feel like you can't post here. That honestly isnt my intention. It's to help you see from an outside point of view, to try and support you as best as anyone can online.

Find counseling for yourself, have a few sessions and talk through a lot. See what happens.

Fireflyaway

Thanks again. You have both been really helpful with all my recent posts! I appreciate it. It is true I have nobody to talk to and I also find I need reassurances that I'm doing the right thing or could hear another point of view that I've not considered. I'm very indecisive and lack confidence in my decisions. Everything from which parking space to use to should I buy a red or a blue jumper or put cheese on my pasta or not! It's ridiculous! 
Anyway, my husband has been doing quite a bit. I don't like to talk too much about him or anyone for that matter. It's like I'm betraying their confidence so that's probably why I talk more about myself. 
Thanks for your points of view. 

MovingForwards

With your above post (indecisive and needing reassurance), that is plenty enough reason to have counseling on your own! As I said, it helps you work through your own issues and concerns, will get to the bottom of why you are doing what you are doing and gives you the confidence to move forward with your life.

You are not betraying anyone by speaking about them, especially your own husband and due to what you have been through for several months now.

sweetsand

Hello OP. I hope your situation works out for the best as it is a difficult place to be in and some very nice posters here that will give you, share their knowledge. Take care.
Slightly OT. One of my siblings asked their OH for MG counselling, they declined as they could not see a problem. Then, a few months later the OH was caught out cheating as expected by my sibling. Rather than say sorry, etc, they packed their bags and left. The one that left for the lover have now seprated as they lover has returned to their OH and children. My siblings OH is not sure if they want to retun but my sibling is desperate.  In anyone experience, when cheats leave their OH and come back with a bit of coaxing when their lover has left, does it every work out?
NB. If you want to catch out a cheat, check out their mobile, or secret mobile phone but be prepared for the worse.

MovingForwards

@sweetsand you would be better off posting your own thread with your queries to avoid taking Fireflyaway's off tangent.

sweetsand

Sorry, OP.