One income family of four - can we get ahead even after pay cuts?

Bluegreen143

@Sarahwithlove he’s always been the sort of person who spent everything he had but never incurred debt (had never had a credit card or overdraft when I met him but never had savings or a pension either). This was ok in his early 20s cos he lived in a council flat and no car so never had big surprise bills. Obviously doesn’t work in your 30s with a family and mortgage which he does get. His family are all awful with money so tbh I’m surprised he’s not worse! 

I do wish he was better with money and particularly wish he didn’t vape/spend so much on beer & junk, but he does have a lot of redeeming features - he’s an excellent and devoted father, does half the housework when he’s home even though I’m a SAHM, a good cook, tall & handsome 😉, kind/generous and good at gift buying, really, really talented at woodworking/making and fixing things, looks after his mum, doesn’t waste his time playing video games, spends his time at home with us not out drinking or anything (not that it’s an option anymore), gets on well with my friends and family, does well at his work without being a workaholic, quite happy to talk about his feelings or hopes for the future (unlike many men) - I suppose I can’t ask for everything 😆 he’s completely stubborn and likes his own way but so am I so we just talk and talk and talk and eventually muddle a way through. I do hope the savings bug eventually bites him, and to be fair he’s better than he was when we moved in together (11 years ago) - every grocery wise used to be brand name and convenience options and he was always buying clothes and going on nights out - but so was I then. We’ve grown together but I’ve just gone a little bit further than him 😅 my philosophy is that I’ll probably spend the rest of my life learning to be a better wife & him a better husband, we are relative newbies at 12 years together and nearly 7 married - I think it’s the project of a lifetime to build a life together but hopefully we will stand here in our 80s and think it was worth the work. 

Nonnadiluca

You have a very wise head on your young shoulders!!

Moneywhizz

I was just thinking the same thing. You have a great attitude to your marriage and it sound like you make a great team, even if you don't always see eye to eye on things. 

Bluegreen143

Thank you so much for the very kind words @Nonnadiluca and @Moneywhizz ❤️

Well December so far has been LOVELY - we waited til the first to do anything Christmas related, but launched into it then with matching Christmas jumpers for the kids (£5.99 from Lidl), advent calendars, Christmas books and Christmas music. Since then we have spent most of the time in a sort of haze of Christmas crafts and slowly decorating a bit at a time - we got the tree and finished off today so the house now looks like Santa’s grotto. Red has always like to go a bit crazy with decorating every corner of the house. Needless to say both children are now wired to the moon 😂

And even more excitingly, my big boy has his birthday tomorrow and will be a very grown up FIVE. To think it’s been five years of being a mama. We had a nice time tonight baking his cake together (I always like to bake it with them and let them go crazy decorating it rather than do it as a surprise). 

Tomorrow we’ve planned to go for a walk, we’ve got a piñata as Monkey requested one, MIL will come to stay (she’s in our bubble), we’re going to do a movie afternoon and takeaway pizza and then toast marshmallows at the chiminea before bed. I think Red’s two older brothers will garden visit separately (he’s from a second marriage - the brothers aren’t related to each other). And I’ve arranged a zoom for grandparents and other aunts and uncles to come on and sing him happy birthday.

Sarahwithlove

It sounds like he makes you very happy and has a lot of redeeming qualities. Like you said hopefully the saving bug will hit him soon and make it easier for you both. Saying that you're the one who is happily married and I'm not 😉

Bluegreen143

Well Monkey has had his birthday and gone to bed a very, very happy boy. He has a wee party with his group at nursery tomorrow too 🙂 can’t believe my boy is five now! And a week tomorrow the littlest one is two... two is, I think, the age when it really hits you you haven’t got a baby anymore 😭 

Got an Italian takeaway tonight which I’m splitting with Red from our personal money so will update spends once we’ve sorted that out.

Planning to call the mortgage people next week to check exactly what our balance and interest rate is right now so I can make a wee chart to track any overpayments I manage to squirrel together - sad I know 😆

MagicCat

Happy birthday to Monkey! Glad he had a good day.

I agree I love the way you write about your marriage, it's so positive but also realistic.

I have a similar issue with my DH and spending on presents, it's really difficult and I try not to resent we spend so much more on his family (my choice to spend less on mine really, I've agreed nice thoughtful but limited gifts for adults birthdays and we have a secret Santa among the adults for Christmas). It also annoys me that it's not really reciprocated, despite his family all being quite well off - but it does make him happy to do it, gift giving is important to him. We've spent as much on FIL for Christmas as our children, which seems crazy to me!

Good luck with the mortgage OPs, it's great to have got to a point where you can think about this.

Bluegreen143

Lovely to “see” you @MagicCat 🙂 glad I’m not alone with the overly generous DH. He insists on spending at least £100 on his mum bless him (to be fair she is on her own and of a rather materialistic bent- “stuff” makes her happy and it is sweet he looks after her - hopefully setting a good example to our children of looking after their mum when she gets old 😆).

Begun working on the pyjamas I’m making for the children for Christmas. It’s a real learning curve as, while I’ve had a sewing machine for years, I am very inexperienced at sewing. I have a lovely soft stretchy fire engine fabric for Monkey and foxes on a flowery background for Bambi and my word, sewing isn’t cheap, I could have got two pairs for them each out of Tesco for the money I spent 😆 however as Red pointed it, it’s not about saving money - it’s giving me something new to sink my teeth into, teaching me a new skill and hopefully the kids pyjamas will be all the nicer for being handmade 😂

Did realise that I hadn’t ordered quite enough of the fire engine fabric so have commandeered a grey tshirt of Red’s to make the front and back of the PJ top (with the arms still being the fire engine fabric along with the trousers). Think it will end up looking quite good and has saved me spending even more money on this project! 

Annoyingly having cut the pieces out I’m waiting on the stretchy material for the neckband and cuffs coming along with new needles for the sewing machine - the needles are coming tomorrow but the fabric seems to have gone missing in the post. Really annoying as I’m itching to get started and as all non essential shops are closed here in tier 4, I can’t even go and get some in person.

Sarahwithlove

I love that you are making them pyjamas. I always wish I had learnt to sew, knit or crochet when growing up. Maybe something to sink my teeth into next year. 

Bluegreen143

I would love to be good at sewing but realised I never will til I actually make things and get some practise @Sarahwithlove. I’m sure the PJs will end up very wonky but never mind! I can knit and crochet though I am very bad for starting projects and never finishing them... currently decided to finish up a cardigan I started knitting a year ago for Bambi. It is of course now too small but I’m going to give it to our friends’ baby for Christmas instead if I get it done in time (my incentive being that Red will buy something expensive otherwise as it’s his best friend’s child!).